h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ah! Waiting for its lava, maybe?

*covers the pail and gives it to johnw.*

Never mind about the rock. Its just a really, really old rock.

Cookies!!! I pick the days to have a hangover. Still, it's nice to see that you've left some with which to treat my current dose of the Muuchies.

*helps himself to some cookies and burns his fingers on the PBR*

There's a coal in your bucket dear mari

I wonder if that rock has letters of fire all the way through it? ...

(well, fix it dear wum-eevil, wum-eevil)~singing~

Never mind about the stupid rock! It is a little something to help johnw. Just a bit of tiny magic. Have more cookies, gents. Can I get you something to drink as well? I have a taste for a margarita.

Goodness! All this talk of doing the ton earlier has left me quite giddy! I'll have you know that I do not condone irresponsible behaviour like traveling at 40% over the national speed limit. Why do you people think there are rules? It's to protect us from ourselves, and naturally the Government knows best about these things.

Still, the Austin Maxi seems to have struck a chord with some of you. It just goes to show that our memories are not what they once were.

Ah, cookies, Mari-rae - how kind. I'll take one if I may to nibble with my sherry.

I myself have never understood the presumption of anyone who feels a need to protect me from me. First it was speed limits, now it's seatbelt and airbag laws...
But most fatal accidents occur in the home so don't be surprised if before long we need to wear helmets around the house and it will be illegal to get into the bathtub or climb the stairs without supervision.
*takes another large bite of cookie*
And peanut butter! We better make sure no one here is allergic to peanuts. Ya know, they won't even serve peanuts on airplanes anymore because of a one in a million chance some idjit doesn't know he'll have a fatal reaction. I figure if you're smart enuff to buy a plane ticket...
*realises he is babbling because of sugar content of cookies and feeds the remains of his to the PBR - will claim he thot it was Peanut Butter Rock*

A well-organised Nanny State would, of course, provide State Nannies for all ratepayers ... after filling in a form where they State whether they need Nanny or None ... Hey, Nanny, Nonny, No.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear

Stupid Rock? Schist a minute, don't be so igneous mari-rae, rocks have their faults, but they also have feelings, so please be gnisse to them. It's not the rock's fault that it's as thick as a brick, it couldn't obtain a granite to go to sedimentary school, became a drifter and never settled down. Your rock took a job as a screeing instructor, bedded a few skerry crags......

Oh stalactites, I can't be bothered with this, gimme another cookie please.

Better warn mari ... there's a guy from the Thermodynamics Legal Division wants to come round and issue an infringement notice on the rock ....

*Definitely peaking on sugar now*
*trying to feed the rock*
Here, Rocky, rocky, c'mon rocky, have a cookie. Here ya go. Cookie for the hot rock. Yep Cookie for the hot rock. There's a good lava...

Well, Wumbe, I dunno ..it's clear as mud ..but it covers the ground..oh I canna sand it anymore, I slate myself.

Here Rocky-rocky. Nice cookie.

*for the first, and probably only, time in his life Wumbeevil wishes he had paid more attention to the only Rocky film he's seen. Decides to settle for a few cross-platform words of Stallone encouragement to the rock instead*

gnur, gnit, gnon, gnawaw, gnird ...

....wait a cotton-pickin' minute Rusty, Mel Gibson was also Rocky wasn't he? And didn't he lead the First Battalion of the Gay Gordon Highlanders in their bottom-baring so that the English would trip over their lances?

Cumoan Rocky, gerintaerae merkin cookies.....

I remember that scene clearly, and it was not their bottoms they were shaking at the English.

*Swallows half her margarita at the thought.*

I haven't seen the whole movie, only a few clips, and the last half hour or so, but that was enough to have me ROTFL at the accents.

Nowhere near as good as the Bonnie Prince Charlie movie with the American accents tho, "Let's mosey on down to that thar Engiland and beat ten shades a' s**t out of that Kraut mother".

Well thanks for leaving it to my imagination mari-rae. I think I need a drink. Barman, I'll have a pint of Pernod and a pickled gherkin.

(wonders if this would be a good point to continue with the Harry Belafonte songs???)

Dis is m'island indy sun
gabe toomee bymy fodders han
dayo me say dayo

DAYO! Oh di Dayayayo!
Daylight come an' me want go ho - ome !

Hey, I didn't realise there were so many unintentional/intentional HB references in this thread (bit before my time ya see..ahem) Jump Down, Spin Around, Coal in my Bucket, Banana Boat song. Has this guy recorded every song in the universe? ...and when does someone sing Mary's Boy Child?

All the stores were closed and shuttered,
all the streets were dark and bare,
In our town no Peanut Cookies
Peanut Cookies for our fare.

Sorry ... I don't know how it happened ... I sent all my shirts to the laundry, and they came back without any buttons ... I put one of the shirts on, and just started singing like HB ... can't understand it ....

*Switches on the blender for another batch of margaritas...*

~singing~

All day all night Mary Ann
Down by the seashore sifting sand
Even little children love Mary Ann...
Something or other that rhymes with sand