h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Geez, don't ya just love it when that happens? Beaten to the post twice, and then disconnected. Get yer lucky white heather.

....and then the page turns and people wonder what this eejit is babbling about.

...so what's new?

Heather off the Yorkshire Moors where the M62 runneth?

Also get yer lucky white rabbits' feet ...

Also selection of unlucky limping white rabbits - reduced price ...

*passes Lil a packet of plain crisps and decides to shut up in the interests of sanity*

Isn't it Sidcup that runneth over?

Was that the Sid who fancied Heather off the Yorkshire moors?

No, Heather fancied a quick f-ling with Othello the Moor, Sid fancied a rerr terr with some Yorkies but wouldn't stoop so low, the Grand old Duke of York he had Ten Thousand Men and a monopoly on Prep-H imports, to get from Greece to Italy you must travel via Yorkshire as all Rhodes - Leeds to Rome, the X-files cloned their agents for filming in England and we had the Moors Mulders, there is a restaurant in York specialising in curried beans called The Yorkshire Ripper, farmers molest their cows in Huddersfield, they invented chocolates with a spirally design on them and we had the Whorls of the Roses....

Need I say more?

Ouch! Eeek! Aaargh!

More? well, I liked the "f-ling" ... but you missed the one about her big sister Erika ....

Yorkshire Post Stop Press. Heather's been making obscene phone calls to Ms Stubbs - Read All Abahtit - Calluna vulgaris

Late Edition! Special News!
One of the border hills sold to American millionaire.
Hills re-named the Pen-eights.

Dead Actress in Matching Collar and Cuffs Shock Horror!

It was today revealed that Marilyn Monroe won't be going to Scarborough fair to trace her roots.

Tell me ... is the headline item in a Yorkshire conservative paper known as the Leeds Tory?

Do you remember Laurence Olivier playing Othello at the Yorkshire Apollo? I thought it was a bad piece of casting and his milliner made a shoddy job of his headgear, in fact he was a very "un-Ilkley Moor, bad hat".

No, but I recall rubbish containers falling into a canal just after we last met .....

Weir has a bin since I saw thee .......

Then there was the man who returned home after work to find that a dendrophobic French monk had propositioned his wife. He decided to make sure that it would never happen again, and went into the garden to plant a tree which would frighten the saucy monk out of his bad habit. "There Molly, look at that", he said, "Our yew growin' to scare brother frere".

OK, OK it doesn't quite work, but it's 6am and I Chesterfield knackered. A suitable mood for going into work.

Perchance, in the Office of Lost Poetry?

Right as soon as I hit the "post message" button inspiration dawns as usual, his name was Brother, and if he was English hew would have been known as Brother Brother, but as he was French they called him Brother Frog...err I think I'm losing it

...and now that happens! Good night John boy, etc I'm off to do my verse at verk.

You're welcome! Enjoy work. I find "asleep" is the best way to be when at work. Enjoyed the session! CU around.

You guys have all gone Crook.