h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Nerfal, you're not talking about the dreaded Rock-Bun people from the T-Cake system, are you? You know, the ancient and feared adversaries of the Doughnut/Donut Fleet? They who try to inflict their stale bread products on the unsuspecting galaxy? The lot who make the Horrible Somethings seem rather insipid?

If so, I think we're all going to need some seious counselling. Time to warm up the counsellor's couch in my quarters.
*wanders off the bridge*

Don't worry about the bar Quorn, I've noticed that the ship is full of holo emitters so you should be able to recreate the bar of your derams.

Oh, and Ensign Blart-Blart's just died of a heart attack. Apparently someone told him that he had a fatal disease.

Have we heard from Wendy and her attempt to infiltrate the starship? Didn't she say she'd catch up with us about now?
What has she learnt about the enemy?

Not heard a thing, but I suspect that stolen starship will cross our path sooner or later.

*sighs* but its just not the same....

Oh well *pushes the holo-emmiter button and re-creates the new super swanky ten-forward he ordered*...peh... it doesn't have the atmosphere...*turns to IE and tries a small smile* anyway, whats your fancy? I do a good Quiche Cocktail...

And while your waiting, you can inform me of any small-and-seemedly-insignificant-pieces-of-background-information-which-become-vital-in-the-final-fifteen-minutes

And the drink's free of charge, toots *tries to click and wink at the same time, but ends up clinking and wicking instead*

[Nerfal] [to NexusSeven] No. I was referring to ... the Yuuzhan Vong!

[Jarring chord]

[Nerfal] Their "technology" consists entirely of organic life forms!

[YC] They are invisible to the Force!

[Link] They're one of the Hundred Terrible Things that would Freeze your Blood If You Knew About Them!

[YK] [in a conversational tone] We could be in for a tough fight, you know.

*Meanwhile, the customs inspectors have beamed aboard are are examining the ships papers. Much muttering and shaking of heads takes place. Knowing the signs, GL realises that there may be a considerable delay.*

Okay, who's for a trip to the dutyfree store?

Mmmm, duty free...

Anyway, I think the aliens YK is talking about *are* the Rock-Bun things... they come out the same when run through the translator...

*checks controls*

Hey, it looks like that planet that was in danger from the mutation thingy is just past here... what say we stop by and help them out before heading into the other galaxy?

And welcome aboard, Insane Endeavour!

Right, let's go and buy vodka.

[YK] No they're not! They're something entirely different!

[YC] I see the problem. "Yuuzhan Vong" translates into "Rock-Bun" in Pythagorean.

[Link] There's a planet called "Pythagorus"??

[Nerfal] Yes. I've been there; dreadful place.

I think you may be right about them being Rock-Buns. They certainly looked like small loaves. And our weapons didn't so much disappear as bounce off, straight back at us. That helped make their invasion so effective.

And, umm, I think I'll just have a small orange juice *looking worriedly at Quorn's stage of drunken-ness*

>

[YK] That's a relief.

I'm up for a little shopping, GL...
*Flushes cargo bay 4, to make room for all the incoming booze*
There wasn't anything terribly important in Cargo bay 4, was there?

[YK] Just a copy of "Moby Dick."

*re-enters bridge*

Right, then; as ship's counsellor, I feel it is my duty to prescribe some serious drunkenness followed by a nice bit of reckless heroism when we're suitably blootered.

*rubs hands together in anticipation of raiding intergalactic duty-free*

*checks wallet*
I ain't getting blootered on my salary... Not with the wages the federation gives me...
*Puppy dog eyes to E*
Can we use the company credit card? huh? can we? please? huh? can we? pretty please?
*Doesn't wait for an answer, smashes open the emergency credit card cabinet and pulls out the solid latinum card*
*Drags it off the bridge and down to the transporter room with GL's help*

Who else is coming, then? Oh, and does anyone mind if we take the heavy lifting platform? I know we're only supposed to use it for transporting mining samples or bulk fuel, but hey, this is going to be an epic bit of alcohol purchasing!

*follows Mrgrunt & GL to the transporter room*

I'm glad it's duty free! Even that card would probably be hard pushed to deal with the taxes in this area of the Universe! Especially on alcohol, fuel and weapons. (There's a piece-of-information-which-might-become-useful-in-the-last-five-minutes, Quorn. Remember it and use it well!)
I'll come along, if that would be alright, I mean, I know the area quite well.

>

*pauses en route to transporters to talk to IE*

Hey, the more the merrier! So, IE, what's the lowdown on this neck of the woods, then? Beyond being in a high intergalactic tax bracket?

IE, I think it was supposed to be "personal history" that saves us in the last five minutes. If you want just plain information, seek out Talon Karrde with a hefty amount of money.

*shouts after Mrgrunt & GL who've managed to drag the solid latinum credit card a surprisingly long way...*

Hey, hey, hey!! Wait up!!

You need my signature on that thing before you can use it!