h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[YK] No, that's in Star Trek.

[YC] Yeah. This is Star Wreck.

[YK] Bad news: That's already been taken.

[YC] Okay then! Howabout Straw Trek?

[Link] I suggest letting Captain Al Boy decide.

I like Kert Rats myself.

Yeah, but it loses some of the meaning really, doesn't it. We'd get sued by animal lovers for fraudulant advertising... :-p

Fair enough. How about these?

Star Terk? No, that's been done too.
Tsar Trek? Too Russian. (there's only room for one regulation Eastern Bloc crewmember per ship...)
TrekStar? Too obvious.
Karret St? Now that's just getting silly.

Do we need a new name anyway? What's wrong with 'the Saving the Galaxy Effort'?

[YK] It doesn't sound enough like "Star Trek".

I don't think it needs to, though

[YK] Fine. Whatever.

Can we get back to the mission now.... can we decide what the mission is?...

We're going outside the galaxy.

Am I likely to face interstellar lawsuits if I were to suggest that we're going to infinity- and beyond?

I suppose you would be, but when was the last time you heard a major corporation suing an individual?

[Link] You could sue them for not suing you.

I suppose so, but then you start getting into those rather messy paradoxes that occurs every now and then.

[Link] Okay, then, never mind.

*Looks out of a window and notices that the ship is getting close to the galactic border*
I've heard customs here is a bitch...

*The Esirpretne flys up to the outbound customs planet and enters orbit. GL notices that the Esirpretne is the only outbound ship in orbit, but the inbound customs planet is swarmed by ships wanting in.*

Captain, it seems like there are a lot of ships wanting in to our galaxy. I think we should find out why. Perhaps they are fleeing something. Perhaps ...

THIER GALAXY NEEDS SAVING!!!!!!!

*the theme music wakes E who'd fallen asleep in the incredibly comfy new chair of hers*

I don't believe it..another Galaxy to save?!

*would jump for joy, but the chairs too comfy to get out of...*

...well....it's our Donut-bound duty to see what's going on!

*Being herded and talking to Quorn, trying to work out what the deal is with the eyes.*

Well, you see, I'm from a planet quite near the Galactic border, called Speghatti, in the Pastar system. I'm headed here mainly, but I'll come back to that. The lights, well, they come from a little pyrotechnics pack I've got. *lifts little circular pack out of pocket* They're only supposed to go off when I press this button, but they sometimes take potshots.

Anyway, the reason I'm here: Our system has been attacked, by these strange ships from some galaxy lightyears from our own. They laid our planets to waste, and then tried to take over the large network centre of the galaxy which we border onto.
I escaped when they came to our system, and tried to look for help, and to offer my services to fight the invasion of the other galaxy, and prevent more raids into ours. When I heard a Doughnut/Donut Fleet ship was in the neighbourhood, I was hoping you would take on the job.

And, that's pretty much why I'm here.

>

*nods and smiles, accidentally patches a message to the Doctor about Ensign Blart-Blart's fatal disease to Ensign Blart-Blart*

Well, I'm sure we'll be happy to help the Pastarans and save your system... but in the mean time, take a load off, put your feet up... sample all the delights the new improved Ten-Forward has to offer! *door opens to reveal a shabby, Sanguinian-flea ridden excuse for a bar, Quorn's jaw drops...*

Wha...?

*a notice hangs from the bar*

Due to expantions in the 'Swanky Sparkly Super Duper Special Comfy Chairs' ordered by Commander Eomando, the recreational facilities budget has been limited to the extent that your orders for new bar have been postponed (i.e. cancelled). We are not sorry for any inconvenience this has caused you.

[YC] I sense a disturbance in the Schwartz.

[Nerfal] Say, Insane Endeavour, did the attacking ships, by any chance, look as though they were rocks? And did all of your weapons disappear just before hitting the attacking ships?

[Link] Because if so, we've got an old problem to deal with.

[YK] Yeah, and the last book in the New Jedi Order series hasn't come out yet, so I don't know how to deal with it.