h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I lost interest in that story at 2010.

*The Esirpretne resumes its voyage to Beyond. Affy pulls out the RTZ CD, and begins playing the Esirpretne's theme music*

*RL:*
Someone ought to actually compose that music!
Or has it been done? Sorry, I'm not firmiliar with this Zork thing...
*...RL.*

*walks out of Ten Forward, apparently refreshed, and returns to his comm station*

*into comm* Hello-Esipretne-Z-Quorn-speaking-how-may-I-help-you? *raises an eyebrow and puts a hand over his comm* hey...pssst...Commander... do we have a complaints department?

*E shakes her head violently* NO.. tell them NO...

*nods* I'm sorry, we currently don't have a complaints department, but I can take a message..*nods, takes a pen and paper and begins taking down the message* yes... yes... uhuh... yeah.... okay *stops and screws up paper*...ooooh...I see... okay.... yes... yes..*throws paper over his shoulder into a Never-Ending Wastepaper Bin (CLI? who knows...). thanks... yeah... bye..

It was a complaint about this series' script.. and plotline, and... special effects.. and... acting.. *sigh* some people are just never satisfied...

Who made the complaint?

*thinks* well.... they didn't leave a name

[Cut to Rock Bun Central, two rockbuns next to a payphone]

Rock Bun 2: What did they say?
Rock Bun 1: Well, they took a message... so that must be good
Rock Bun 2: There's always hope. Maybe we get to take over and become main characters in the next season...
Rock Bun 1: Or even better, have an offshoot series of our own!
Rock Bun 2: Fabaroonie!
Rock Bun 1: Yeah!....

[HP}=~~ (Quorn 'n' some hard Rock Buns)

We've turned the Psycic abilities thingy back on! I can hear every word you say! Mwahahaha!

*Gets out of his seat, and walks around the Star Ship, looking confused...*

Hell, I knew I'd forget my Mind-Blocker!
Frell it!


*Enters his quarters at the back of the Smallcy...*

Chrome, just so you know, Zork is not related at all to this mission. With the exception of the fact that I usually wear zorkish clothing instead of my uniform. And the slight 'incident' with that weird adventurer in ten-forward last season. But other than that, Zork has nothing to do with this.

*The Esirpretne-Z docks at a station above Beyond. Affy pulls out some money, and turns on the anti-telepathy field again*

You never know with customs agents. If anyone needs me, I'm going to be in the first tourist trap I can find.

*Walks to the CLI Mini-UFO, launches, and lands on Beyond*

I really hope they don't take tourist traps too seriously on Beyond.....otherwise we'll have to go out on another rescue mission....

Oh...I'd best follow Affy...you can never have enough great scientists on a planet!

*Send the Smallcy in a steep dive to the planet, and lands near Affy's Mini-UFO...*

*Does an impressive rear park into orbit*

*Is startled awake as his bed shudders and launches itself. Well, not exactly "itself", as Affy seems to be driving it. Slowly regaining his senses, GL realizes he is not in his bed, but in the copilot's seat of the CLI UFO, where he had snuck off to for a nap. Looking out the viewscreen, he can see that the UFO is now just landing on some weird planet that has a bunch of gigantic columns supporting some sort of ring. He hazzards a guess:*

Uh, is this Beyond?

*Affy nods.*

Oh, good. Do you think that thing is dangerous?

*Points at some sort of creature that is approaching the UFO. The creature looks distinctly like a 15 foot tall Mayor McCheese (a McDonald's hamburger for a head, with a human-like body), except that the bun looks to be made of granite and the onions on the burger are arranged in the form of fangs. Ketchup oozes slightly from the corner of the mouth.*

Computer, what information do you have on Planet Beyond?

Limited information available. In brief, it is belived to have been the place where a genetic accident occured, producing somehting horrible; possibly The Horrible Somethings

Wrong, they call themselves the Possibly Horrible Somethings.

I thought they were Possibly Something Horrible?

Maybe they're putting it on?

Well, er, more like putting us off, but anyway...

It could be taken as a vast improvement that we can stand to look at them long enough to see what they look like this time though..

I've never seen 'em before, but if you think it would be too much of a shock for me, I'd better difuse the image a bit...

You mean sort of like in a Crimewatch reconstuction?

[YK] I have a bad feeling about this ...