h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...Ah yes...now the illusion of long forums has disappeared...

"NUB NUB!"
"you fiend! ill never talk!"
"NUB NUB"
"NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............."

*takes a second toffee, wondering if he really should but not really being able to resist...

*gives p500e a strange look*

Hm... I hope you didn't call *me* fiend, did you?

*looks around and doesn't see anyone near*

You can't have, can you? What on the Esirpretne are you talking about?

(Some of us seem to be confusing irreverance with rubbish so im not bothering anymore i seem to be treading on peoples toes)

[So lets get this straight, shall we? The cup & saucer section of the Esipretne has crash landed on Toolbox IV, where telepathic beings, the Toolboxians, are hindering our attempts to locate fuel. Checkout and a load of red shirted ensigns have gone looking for some fuel and has been captured by another native species to this planet, the Reeboks. There is another ship in orbit around the planet, captained by Captain McFairlane, and will help us when we finally reach Earth to battle the horrible somethings. We also have a number of omnipotent beings messing around on the ship... This is my interpretation of current events, so if any of it is wrong, please inform me either on ICQ or on my page. Thankyou, we now return you to our original broadcast... ]

Hey, hey, hold on a second. Settle down.

*looks at acting Captain Macfairlane*

Who the heck are you?

*chews toffee, offered by the Doctor*

Mmm. Oh, right, I was just seeing things.

Anyway. Have these Reebok types been using some kind of mind-torture on p500e without us being able to tell? Maybe they're doing it from far away...

Yes, Doctor, there you are. I was just checking you were still here... we're going to need your expertise in defeating the Horrible Somethings when we get back to Earth... speaking of which, we'd better do it soon, or there'll be trouble... let's get after that fuel, folks!

*Thanks for the forum change, E *

We've got to find Checkout too...poor guy...first he gets torutred by the Pizzars & now captured...

We can't leave him Captain...

*Meanwhile, Checkout and the red shirted ensigns are still caught in the net which they got in during the last forum*
*A large group of Reeboks assembles below the net and begins to stack wood underneath the dangling away team*
RSE1: Sir, what are they doing?
Checkout: I think they are making a bonfire
*Sure enough, the Reebok elder starts to douse the pile of wood with B&Q barbeque lighting fluid*
*The Reeboks set the wood alight*
RSE2: We're gonna die! We're gonna die!
Checkout: Well, you probably are yes... But I can't, i'm a regular member of the crew... I've got an idea, hand me your snowzars.
*The group of red shirted engsigns oblige*
*Checkout sets them to 24hr freeze and starts to shoot the ensigns*
That way, ve can keep cool in this raging inferno. I hope Affy built these things to last...
*Shoots himself with the Snowzar*

*Looks aound the bridge for a moment then walks over to a console to see if she can find Checkout & the red-shirted extra's life-signs...*

OK...there's a faint signal...but it's very, very still...which is either good...or incredibly bad...

I'm going after them...anyone who wants to come can come...

*E picks up a tracking device & a very handy snowzar as she heads out off the bridge and onto the planet surface...just remembering in time to take some more toffees...*

*follows E*

"oh jesus man say this cant be happening man this cant be happening" yammerd hudson. It appears that the impact from the subspace decompression wave had caused a semi pan dimensional shift spliting realities and thus having the effect of sending a almost but not quite identical copy of the espiratne the ESPIRANTENE (DESPERATLY STRUGGES TO DIG HIMSELF OUT) to appear.
Having both been involved in a similar accident at the exact same time the espirantene has crossed into our universe and time.
both ships hd crashed on toolbox iv both ships are unable to take off and as yet the crew of the espiratne are unaware of the presense of the ESPIRANTENE.
right let me just check, blah blah pan dimensional rift, yadda yadda 2 ships blah blah.............
ok
The marines burst into the clearing guns blazing. The Reebocks were cut down in a hail of lead.
"Hudson cut those people down and see if they are ok".
"shouldnt we put the fire out first?"
"whatever"
"Excuse me, but who the hell are you?" it was checkout obviously confused,
"Its me major smith, Checkout what have they done to you? dont tell me theyve messed with your mind and youve forgotten everything." Smith was concerned no one else had the faintest idea how to work the cd player on the ship.
"no i dont thin.........."
"Drop your weapons and identify your yourselfs" it was the second awat team from the espiratne. The marines brought their guns to bear on the away team.
"oh s**t now i am confused," said smith "this is gonna be a long night............"

Hang on hang on ive forgoten the OTHER checkout who currently IS being tortured by the Reebocks.
"NUB NUB!"
Checkout was in agony the Reebocks were projecting images of the STEPS stadium tour directly into his brain.
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"NUB NUB".
If some one didnt come soon, he would crack, he would tell them the access codes to the espirantene and then they could could get all the irridium b they needed.................

*Thankfully, Checkout has already frozen himself with the Snowzar though (see his post above...) so they can't get to him...and apart from that he doesn't know any of the security codes for those kinds of things because he's not the Captain/1st Officer/or possibly the Chief of Engineering*

*Nevertheless, E is still confused by all the goings on seeing a bunch of marines pointing their guns at her & her away team*

Hey guys, put those guns down OK...

All right. Let me get this straight ...

...never mind. [disappears]

Ok, everyone HANG ON!!!

*Gets both groups to calm down*

Okay, now, I think I've got it straight. There are two ships, one of which is from another dimension, not disimilar from the event that happened in an early episode of Star Trek. We are both stranded on Toolbox IV, also reminiscent of three episodes of Star Trek, and being influenced by telepathic beings with brains three times more evolved than ours. Now, I'm guessing that in this other dimension, there is another Checkout. Our Checkout is frozen, whereas *YOUR* Checkout *This said to group from other dimension* is being tortured for access codes to *OUR* ship.

Meanwhile, everyone from both ships is using some kind of safety device to keep the Toolboxians from controlling us. Now, these are all untested objects, so let us assume that some of us are using safety procedures that don't work. Therefore, I can only presume . . .

*Points dramatically at the ship from another dimension*

That *YOU* are a figment of your own imaginations!!!

*When the other crew fails to disappear in a puff of logic, Affy wonders how long he should hold his hand in such a ridiculous gesture*

*Meanwhile, back on the ship, a device in the 5.5th Doctor's pocket begins giving off a very loud alarm. He pulls the device out (which resembles a Geiger counter) and consults it.*

Oh, drat. There's a Clash of Imaginations out there somewhere. If whatever's causing it doesn't sort it out soon, this whole planet could undergo Spontaneous Massive Existence Failure at any minute. And then where would we be?

---The 5.5th Doctor

[YK's clone says, "The vacuum of space, obviously." He hadn't disappeared (see YK's above post).]

*While the situation is being sorted out, GL leads a team of red-shirted extras in the opposite direction. Almost immediately, they stumble over an outcropping of dilithium chrystals. They begin collect the crystals and take them back to the ship.*

*Meanwhile in a makeshift medical tent Dr. Croz, Dr. Wendy and their two dopplegangers exchange medical information. Interestingly the information seems to cancel each other out. Dr. Wendy looks up and sees two identical Ensign Lemmings vanish into a puff of unsmoke*

Dr. Croz to all present. We've got a problem here. If we touch our exact doubles then we would actually vanish out of existance. I repeat DO NOT TOUCH YOUR DOUBLE!

Mcfairlaine was concerned, not only was he now seemingly trapped in another dimension with a crippled ship, HIS away team lead by Bridge oficer Checkout (Who does have the access codes to the espirantene otherwise how is he supposed to get back in if everybody else is in bed?) was still missing, or so he thought.
He couldnt be sure, communication with anybody outside the ship was intermittent and garbled, critical systems were still fried, plus he couldnt be sure if the toolboxians were interfering with HIS mind.
He'd wrapped the bacofoil round his head as per the doctors instuctions but things were so confusing at the minute he didnt even know if he was the real him let alone who anyone else was.
The door to his ready room bleeped and then croaked open,
"its me chief o'fish sir."
"yes come on in chief"
"Sir i have some good news, the crew of the espiratne have found some dillithium deposits and are willing to share it with us."
"well thats sorted the fuel out then. How are the repairs going?"
"So so sir we can be airborne again in 2 weeks."
"very well chief get to it"
"Thank you sir."
"2 weeks" mcairlaine thought to himself, 2 weeks they had to hold out on a hostile planet, 2 weeks it was just too long..............