h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The medical bay is now on standby for casualties. Have you got a transporter lock on them yet?

Yeah, now they've cleaned up the mess those snarkenrippers made...

[Hmmm... seems there's a problem here I can help with. It is clear that there is something about this planet that makes it prone to pan-dimensional disturbances.]

Tell me immediately you get those crew members out of there!

[It seems I have no choice but to destroy this system in it's entirety.]

I'm just going down to the engineering bay. I won't be long.

[Okay, if the pan-dimensional rift is approximately = 8(-9q)r/e^2...]

*GL sits at the weapons console and looks over the scanners*

I hope so, because my scanners are picking up a large group of vehicles approaching from the west. I suggest lifting off as soon as possible, Captain. I estimate we have about 15 minutes before they arrive.

*GL raises the sheilds and puts the main snowzars on standby.*

[Y2K, Jar-Jar voice: "Ohh, dis is gonna be messy. Me no wathcin'!"]

[YK] Now stop it. Get to our quarters.

[They make it to the doors and Y2K stops. "Wait -- where're our quarters?"]

[YK] Take one of the red-shirted extra's rooms! Preferably a deceased one! I'll take the other!

[Exeunt]

*A rather sodden Checkout races for the transporter room*
OK! I've got a lock on Affy, beaming him out now!
*Affy materialises a few moments later on the transporter pad*
Ok, lets go!

[Cut to still of YK and Y2K, each standing in front of a door in a cooridor, facing each other and pointing at both doors, with facial expressions indicating that a heated argument is going on. Pull back to reveal that this is a framed photo on a wall, being regarded with interest by YK and Y2K.]

[YK] No, let's get rid of it.

[Y2K] I agree.

OK...so everyones onboard...?

So we can go...?

* appears descretely in the background to record all the proceedings as they happen for Discovery Intergalactic *

Ve can!
*Acesses helm control from the transporter room and pushes the big button labled 'UP'*
*The Esipretne gracefully lifts off from the groung, wobbles uncertantly for a few moments and then sails upwards with gravity defying ease*

*Watches a vidiscreen in sickbay*

Coming soon on Discovery Intergalactic, Esipretne Uncovered. The fly on the wall docusoap detailing the daily lives of the crew as they save donutkind...

Croz to the captain, I think someone's spying on us

Well, what did you think that MaW was doing? Am I the only person here who can see 'im?

*Motions towards an innocent looking MaW, and notices everyone else's eyes just barely sliding off of the camera wielding alien*

Oh, you sneaky little . . . they're gonna think I'm crazy now. Well, crazy-er.


Afgncaap5 may not be here at all next week.

[Y2K, Brooklyn accent] I sense a distoibance in da Force.

[YK, Jar-Jar voice] I speck.

[Y2K] I think theh's an SEP over theh. [points at MaW]

[YK] Eezee fixenabuh. [gestures with the Force and MaW becomes visible to all]

*Thinks*

Right. Well . . . shouldn't we be going? I mean, the Horrible Somethings are on their way to Earth as we speak. That kinda seems important. Can our ship hold back a fleet of Horrible Somethings, Rodentars, Bjorg, Pizzars, and whatever other villainous aliens we may meet?

[YK] I speck.

[Y2K] Da ability ta speak duzzint make you intelligent.

[YK] Well, my not tinken it-sa maken YOU-sa intelgnt, eh?

[Y2K] Wull, not really.

"This dimentions ship has lifted off sir and they are underway"
"ok o'fish plot a course back to doughnut colony, we will try and recreate the accident that brought us here"
the ESPIRANTENE (got that, not your one the other one right?) blasts out of toolbox IVs atmosphere,
"Prepare for going really fast"
"Really fast preperations complete sir" o fish checks his dials and grips the running rail.
"Engage really fast drive!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The ship high tales it back to Doughnut.
'That was close' thinks mcfairlaine 'we almost didnt make it out their deadly sarcasm spell......................'

OK...someone set a course to Earth before we forget...

Hang on...

*goes & does it herself*

*notices MaW on her way back & looks a little surprised...*

*Checkout, at the helm of the Esipretne, plots a direct course, after listening to Radio 2 for the traffic report*
Keptin McFairlaine, ve could really use some backup at Earth, when we get there. Vould you be so kind as to prowide backup?
*The Esipretne heads for Earth*

"Sir were getting a request for assistance from the espiratne"
"What do THEY want" mcfairlane spins his chair to face comms
"They want some help with fighting the deadly something or others"
McFairlane stands and addressess his crew,
"Well what do you think........................."

[YK and Y2K look at each other, confused]

[YK] Is it spelled doughnuts, or donuts, or D'oh! Nuts!, or what?

I doesn't really matter.

*Goes off to join Wendy in Ten Forward*