h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Fortunately, Afgncaap5, Jedi, and a passing psychic pokemon decided that between the three of them, they could probably be sure they were seeing reality. After verifying the existense of the dilithium, the process actually takes a lot less than two weeks*

Well, now that we've managed to do all of this, what now?

Well, I think we need to find a way to pop that other ship back into it's own dimension. Or us into ours. In the meantime, I think there are enough dilithium crystals for both ships. We just have to be careful not to touch our doubles while getting them.

*Continues carrying crystals to the Esirpretne, with the odd pair of red-shirted extras poofing out of existence.*

The repairs actually went quite well, only taking 9 days.
However the Espirantenes Checkout was still missing. Smith and the marines had swept the entire surrounding area for 4 kliks, but there was no sign of him.
"Its no good," mcfairlaine had the remaining command staff assembled on the bridge, "We are going to have to assume checkout is dead."
The crew cast each other worried glances, Checkout had been an old friend and a valued member of the crew.
"After major Smith and the marines return we will be lifting off and attempting to return to our own dimension, dissmissed." he spun away and retired to his ready room.
2 hours later the marines were back on board, There was still no sign of checkout.
"Chief commence start up procedure." The captain was back on the bridge, stopping momentarily by members of the bridge staff to offer words of support and comfort over the loss of checkout.
"Thats a roge captain"came the reply from main engineering
"ok Powell fire up the main plasma injectors and prep the core for a high yield start up, we'll blast out the exhausts with a high flow blast."
"confirmed" shouted a yellow suited extra from the rear of the room.
There was a sudden high pitched wail as the pressure in the injectors built up, and loud bang as the core fired into life.
"Core pressure is at 20,000 kilo-pascals and holding steady chief."
"ok powell drop to 15,000 k-ps and check for pressure drop." He adjusted the controls on his communication console,
"captain, were all fired up we are ready for lift of at your signal."
"copy chief."came the reply
mcfairlane checked a couple of read outs on the arm of his commmand chair,
"Mr Antillies, take us up if you please."
The ship began to shudder, and groan as it pulled away from the crash site. Slowly slowly it powered into the air
"CAPTAIN! WAIT LOOK IN THE TREES!"
The whole bridge grew peered at the screen
"ITS CHECKOUT! AND HES BEING CHASED BY DOZENS OF REEBOCKS!!..............."

[appears behind Eomando] That's futile.

[races into the center of the forum] WAIT! I know what's wrong! The reason those beings haven't disappeared is because they're not a figment of their own imaginations! They're a figment of p500e's imagination! Only he can tell them that they don't exist! Or she! p500e isn't exactly a gender-specific name!

[turns to p500e and waggles his hand at him] You will tell them that they do not exist.

[p500e says, "I will tell them that they do not exist." He turns to the imaginary crew and says, "You do not exist." They vanish in a rather big puff of logic]

There. I believe things will now proceed normally, as p500e's posts do not relate to the real story, except that they include members of the crew.

Or as normal as they get. Let's just ignore p500e.

[Inducting a new crew member is always a difficult time... As the captain said, we should all play nice. If anybody is not happy with p500e's posts, let him know at http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=41474&thread=54917 like I did and suggest ways of helping p500e become a effective member of the ship. Let's try to keep things froody, yes?]

*The rapidly melting ice surrounding Checkout is, um, well melting. Already some of the Red shirted ensigns are starting to par-boil*
Um Keptin, Eomando, Croz, Seven, this ice isn't going to hold up much longer....

OK...lets get Checkout out of there...

*decides to ignore whatever it is that's in front of her for the time being to make things simpler & starts to follow the signal on the tracking device until she ends up looking into a clearing...with a big pot full of half-frozen, red-shirted extras...and Checkout in the middle of them all...*

*motions to everyone who followed her to stay low so they wouldn't be seen as she tries to think of a plan*

[deadpan expression] Now remember, anger is the path to the Dark Side.

[gets a look from Eomando] Er, never mind. You're AT the Dark Side.

I can just feel the tension building already . . . Hey, I've got a plan! Do you think that p500e can restore the other crew? The Reboks seem primitive enough to allow for magic. If the other crew came, and we got their equivalent of red suited extras to touch our red suited extras, they would all vanish! The Reboks would assume a terrible magic demon, and scatter, giving us enough time to save Checkout!

*Turns to p500e*

Please, get that other crew back! If you can't, we'll have to break the prime directive and just go in blasting! It's the only way! I think.

F**k the lot of you.

Please! Did I upset you somehow? I didn't type in that stuff. Now I feel sad.

*Goes off to mope*

Tsk tsk watch the language there...

It wasn't my fault, sir! Please don't deactivate me!

Well, maybe it was.

*feeling sorry that people are angry... *

*Been following E around for quite some time now*

tsk, tsk, you humans don't you realise that your anger will get us nowhere... In the COLLECTIVE we didn't have this in-subordination!!!

Sorry - I don't know what came over me, lets go get Checkout...

*wishes he had been around earlier to use his remaining Bjorg systems to censor out p500e's little outburst*

Captain, we are finished loading the dilithium chrystals. I will take my crew of red-shirted extras to assist E in rescuing Checkout

Ok, men, this way.

*GL and crew creep through the underbrush until they reach the clearing. GL sees the other Esirpretne team on the other side of the clearing. GL comes up with a quick plan.*

(whispers) E, we'll cause a diversion, and you rush in and get Checkout and the others

*GL briefs his crew of extras, then jumps out into the clearing and yells:*

"Hey you Reeboks. Look at us. We're Nikes"

*Dances around briefly, then runs into the jungle. The Reeboks are enraged and chase after.*

*Seven leaps up to the bonfire and uses his considerable Bjorg strength to grab the frozen away team and lug them all the way back to the Esipretne*
E: Everyone back to the ship!!!
*Gl's diversion swings back and heads for the clearing where the Esipretne is parked*

[YK and his clone leap into said clearing, using their lightsabers (his clone has a purple blade) to deflect blaster bolts]

Those Reeboks have blasters!

[He and his clone race in. "I think my name will be Y2K," says his clone]

*Affy jumps into the midst of the lazer wielding Reboks, and pulls out another pair of shoes*

The ultimate running shoes! Better than Reboks and Nikes combined! The CLI!

*This draws the anger of the Reboks towards him much faster than he expected*

Get out of here! I'll catch up!

*Runs into the underbrush, followed closely by the angered Reboks*

*Runs back towards the Esirpretne with the rest of the away team...*

We can't leave him distracting the Reeboks...not all alone...



Anyone who's on the bridge get a transporter lock on Affy & prepare to beam him out if it looks like he's in trouble...

[YK and Y2K suddenly race through the door to the bridge]

[YK] Donut worry, we have the problem under control!

[Y2K: "Ar ar ar ar."]