h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think that's taking control of the situation a bit much. Unless all Montressor does to Link is spit Snowzars and Chefinators at 'em...

*Montressor points the Chiefinator at the disadvantaged Link, Moose pops up from an access panel in the floor, The firey blast hits the propped open panel and melts a hole in it, luckily stopping the blast, Moose apparently not noticing either Montressor or the gaping hole in the tile, looks around the room*

Hi all! It's good to be back, I was off galavanting in a freakish dimension wrestling with an attacker ever since some the attack on Mangar on the planet Zork. What have I missed?

*All point to Montressor and then at the hole in the floor panel.*

Oh, I should stayed in the other dimension.

*GL hears Moose's voice coming from around the corner in a corridor. He walks around the corner.*

Welcome back, Moo...

*His sentence is cut short as he notices Link lying on the floor, the hole in the panel and Montressor heading away and just rounding a far corner.*

Hey, wasn't that Montressor? We need to tell Peet. I seem to remember he had a plan for a situation like this.

*Rushes off to find Peet.*

[Bridge]
* Peet is whistling to himself and twiddling his thumbs.

[Link gets to his feet and dodges a blast from the Chefinator. He takes a blast from the Snowzar with the Mirror Shield, and then dodges another blast Chefinator blast. Another Snowzar blast hits the shield, and then a bolt of fire, ice, and lightning shoots out from the shield, causing Montressor to budge two inches.]

[BTW, Moose, it's CHEFinator. After "chef", someone who cooks. It has settings like "Medium-Rare" and "Deep Fat Fry". "Raw" stuns and "Overcook" disintigrates.]

That'd be great, Jedi Knight, if Montressor had a Snowzar. He never has, to my knowledge. He's (always been) armed with:

A flame thrower

A grenade launcher

A mini-gun (sort of a small gatling gun)

A missle launcher

And various spikes... He is upgradeable, but why would STUMPED upgrade him with CLI weaponry?<


~Monty aims a gernade at Link and fires~

[Wot? He's got a gernade launcher too? ]

Mew!

[puts up a shield]

D'oh! Nuts! ! Anyway, that makes things a /bit/ simpler. Let's say my last several posts never happened.


[Link Z-targets Montressor. Navi flies over Monty's head and turns yellow. Link swings the Big Fairy Sword at Montressor and misses, but that's okay, because a beam of sparks leaps out of the sword and smashes into Montressor. Montressor floors Link, who is now unable to use the beam attack. (He can only use it when his health is full.)]

[Link] Oops.

[Bridge]
* Peet chews at a chipped fingernail while listening to the approaching cacophany.

[Link swings his sword, dodging Montressor's attacks some more. The sword suddenly begins to glow wildly, and Link spins around, taking the sword with him. A blast of energy flings itself outward, hitting Montressor. This causes Monty to budge two inches.]

~ "Monty's" logic circuits have been damaged slightly. He can still fight but he now incessantly repeats the phrase

"Rectar Labs Number 151637... Rectar Labs Number 151637..."

This is apparently his serial code~

*Affy jumps from the shadows, and shoots his polka beam at Monty*

[Link] Rectal Labs!?

[Navi] {NO, he said Recta/r/ labs!}

[Link] But it sounded like --

[Navi] {I know, I know, you've got an American accent.}

[Freeze frame. Dylan is digitally inserted over all this]

[Dylan] Come to think of it, "The Legends of Zelda" came from Japan, so wouldn't that make it --

[He swallows and ducks out of the frame. Continue]

Rectar Labs, Rectar Labs ... now why does that sound familiar. It's almost the same as Retarc Labs, which was the evil counterpart of Crater labs (being "crater" spelled backwards). But this "Rectar" labs is something new...



And didn't WE make Montressor at Crater Labs? Oh well, I guess it's just the internal damage speaking.



I wish I could think without stage directions.

[Mew uses METRONOME and starts rocking from side to side with a TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK. He then uses HYPER BEAM, which shoves into Montressor]

[Bridge]
* Peet finishes off the Yak-in-a-bun that he got from Garius earlier, and emits a dainty belch.

"I wonder what's going on up there..."

*Shoots another beam of his polka blast at Monty, waiting for Red to show up and decide whether or not any of these blows hit*

[Link fires an Ice Arrow, freezing Monty solid. He then fires a Fire Arrow, which only has the effect of thawing out Monty, who would have done so himself anyway. Link uses the Mirror Shield to block a blast from Monty's flamethrower, and then fires a Light Arrow at him]

*Affy spills hot coffee on Monty, waiting to hear how bad Monty is damaged*