h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy is moving forward through the tunnel. He looks around a corner, and sees a familiar robot. He pulls back around the corner, hoping he wasn't seen. He hears a quick pattering from the direction he just cames, and turns just in time to see a shadow pass by on that side. He hears a similar patter from the other side, and turns just in time to see another quickly moving shadow.



I've got a bad feeling about this.



Begin playing a variation of Affy's theme music, slowed down to a kind of funeral dirge.

*Affy turns around the corner again, and finds himself staring at Montressor's neck. Affy jumps back, and shoots Monty with his snowzar*

[Mew materializes behind Monty, and uses PSYCHIC. This has no obvious effect on him.]

*Affy watches as his snowzar blast and Mew's Psychic blast slowly move to Monty, waiting for Red to post a reply as to Monty's actions*

[Link puts his current sword away and draws the Big Fairy Sword from Majora's Mask]

~Montessor is frozen, but the would be victory is shattered by the sound in the distance of a Yak comming face to face with a flamethrower~

[Bridge]
* Peet sniffs the air...

Something's cooking... Smells good, too!

*Regards the frozen Monty. Thinks about his options. If he keeps Monty on the ship, it could prove deadly at a later juncture. However, if he lets the Anarchist Android drift freely through space, he could be found by STUMPED agents (who have undoubtedly given him a tracing mechanism), or he could be picked up or found by some inoccent space goers, who unleash him onto an unwitting planet/spaceship*

Guys, Monty's frozen for the time being, so we need to get him off the ship ASAP. I'll push him into one of our shuttlecraft, seal all of the exits, and send it on autopilot to the nearest sun.

*Checks his watch to find the list of any upcoming heavy metal bands*

Okay, Hot Black Desiato is playing a concert at Vorticon VI. It's the next system we get to, so I'll just have him dive into the sun then.

*Taps his communicator*

Bridge, set a course to Vorticon VI. I've just negotiated a deal with someone who'll pay us roughly the cost of a new shuttlecraft to get rid of Monty in the Vorticon VI system! Set a course. Engage!

}Something's going on over there!{ [indicates the direction of the flamethrower]

*Looks (and smells) in that direction*

Oh, that. It's just fried yak. BTW, I don't suppose you'd mind keeping Monty under ice until we get to Vorticon VI, would you Mew?

*Looks at Monty through the ice*

There's something odd about Montressor. He looks...different somehow. Oh, well. I'm sure it's something that won't be important. For now...

*Goes back to the bridge*

[Link] [following him] Maybe it's because he's covered in mustard under the ice?

[Navi] Hey!

[Link] Yeah?

[Navi] {That was a flamethrower that toasted the Yak!}

[Link] Uh-oh.

*Hears this new remark*

Hmm, you're right. Even with Mew recharging the blast, he should've at least attempted to start up his internal defrosting mechanism. In fact, when I think about it, Monty seemed a lot easier to beat than usual.

*Thinks about this just a bit longer before turning to it, and setting his OmeGauntlet to "Plasma Blast". With one blast, the ice around Monty is completely melted, and the Anarchist Android falls to the floor. Montressor looks up slowly, and in a manner akin to that of a person who knows that his time is up, slowly arms his sound beams. Affy fires another blast, and Montressor falls to the floor, now reduced to a small pile of rusty ashes*

My. That was surprisingly easy. Almost too easy. Perhaps I gave him too short a life span when GL and I originally built him, and it was just his batteries running out.

~ Another Yak is Barbecued. Who knows how? Who knows why? ~

* Something stampedes the Yaks in the distance.

*Affy hears something in the distance. He looks up in time to see a familiar looking object hurtling towards him. He manages to duck out of the way as it continues down the duct. He didn't see it, but sees which direction it's heading. Affy taps his communicator*

Something's heading for the bridge seal off all ventilation ducts, except for wherever Monty here just entered.

}He's over there!{ [He doesn't indicate in any way any direction]

*An odd bluish rip in space-time appears on the bridge of the Mangar, much to the surprise of the Red-Shirted Extras standing about, two of which die of fright in a pointless waste of human life, but then again what are RSE's for? Out stumble two vaguely recognizable figures, grappling tooth and nail, if that makes any sense. They tumble about the bridge for a few minutes, fighting violently before one is able to kick the other back into the bluish rift and close it with the press of a button concealed in his pocket. *

I knew that thing would come in handy someday. Good deal.

I am returned! And I have vanquished my unknown enemy forthwith. Temporarily anyway, for you see Somehow when the beam signal to transport my then comatose body onto the Raven went ary, bouncing off of some swamp gas trapped in a weather balloon and reflecting the very faint light from Venus lined up perfectly so that the signal hit my assailant transporting us both into a hellish nether dimension. Or so I'm guessing anyway seeing as I was kind of unconcious at the time...

*Moose looks around to find that no one is available on the bridge currently to be regaled by his tale, checks a computer terminal and hurries off to the ventilation shafts*

[Bridge]
Peet stands up from behind the terminal where he hid when Moose appeared...

*GL walks onto the bridge, eating what looks like a hamburger.*

Anyone else for roast-yak-on-a-bun? There's lots.

*Hears various clunks and thumps from in the ventilation system. Looks up at the vent.*

I thought we fixed that.

[Computer voice from nearby console]
"I have a bad feeling about th th th th th th I'm completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly."

I'm assuming that among Montressor's weaponry are a Snowzar and a Chefinator and that he can therefore be defeated similar in a way to the Twinrova in Ocarina of Time: Link uses his Mirror Shield. His opponent(s) alternately blast at him with fire (Chefinator) and ice (Snowzar) elemental energies. When Link's Mirror Shield absorbs two blasts of the same type, it blasts a mix of the two back at him/them. When the Mirror Shield absorbs two blasts of opposite types, he gets hurt.


[Link slips down a passageway and finds ... Montressor!]
[Superimposed Caption: "Armored Robot of Death" and the line below that "MONTRESSOR"]
[Link Z-targets Montressor, i.e. the player holds the Z button on the N64 control pad and Navi turns yellow and hovers over Montressor.]
[Montressor fires a blast from his Chefinator at Link, who blocks it with the Mirror Shield. Montressor blasts at him with the Snowzar, knocking him flat]
[Link] Ouch!
[Navi] {One word: Twinrova.}