h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*GL decides it is time for the zorkish secret weapon. He has been itching to use it, and now that there is only the POE left of the opposing forces, he figures now is the time. He feels proud as he readies the weapon. After all, the Grues that he stole it from hadn't gotten it to work. GL had to spend many hours in the weapons lab before he made the technological breakthrough that enabled the weapon to work. Then he spent many more hours scaling it up from the prototype model to the full sized, ship blasting model that is now mounted on the Mangar. GL powers up the aiming mechanism and tracks the POE. The crosshairs change from red to green as the POE is centred in the sights. GL's thumb pauses briefly over the fire button, then descends.*


The Encyclopedia Frobozica has the following entry on Grues:
The Grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is either adventurers or enchanters, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its horrible fear of light. No grues have ever been seen by the light of day, and only a few have been observed in their underground lairs. Of those who have seen grues, few ever survived their fearsome jaws to tell the tale. Grues have sharp claws and fangs, and an uncontrollable tendency to slaver and gurgle. They are certainly the most evil-tempered of all creatures; to say they are touchy is a dangerous understatement. "Sour as a grue" is a common expression, even among themselves.


*Something like a laser beam shoots out from the Mangar towards the POE. It is similar to a laser beam, except it is black. Whereas a laser beam is composed of coherent light, this beam is composed of coherent dark. It's effect on anything it hits is to remove all light from the object. Thus, for instance, should it hit the POE, all lights, instruments and even the viewscreen would go black. Nothing would be visible inside the POE, and the only exterior views available would be from actual windows. This would not help much, since most modern spaceships rely on viewscreens and have very few actual windows. The effect would be as if everyone on the POE went blind.*

*The lights on the Mangar dim and the power level aboard drops to 10%. The power level begins to climb back up slowly.*

*The lights on the Mangar dim and the power level aboard drops to 10%. The power level begins to climb back up slowly.*

*Really, really, slowly, judging by the response I'm getting from h2g2*

*Affy zooms back in the Korfozzle, deciding that he should take advantage of Red's current bad situation. He pushes a button on his console marked "Cool" and several incredibly retro dorsal-like fins emerge from the sides of his craft. Affy slams another button marked "Serrate", and several extremely sharp buzz-saw like blades emerge from the fins. Affy spins towards the POE, and manages to slice some of the outer hull just a bit*

This is fun. I love being a superhero. I can get lots of toyetic(tm) weapons and ships to play with! Anyway, better tell the others...


Hey, GL, nice shot with that...ray thing. See if you can hit the POE with some polka. I think I might've damaged it just a tad...

*Affy zooms back in the Korfozzle, deciding that he should take advantage of Red's current bad situation. He pushes a button on his console marked "Cool" and several incredibly retro dorsal-like fins emerge from the sides of his craft. Affy slams another button marked "Serrate", and several extremely sharp buzz-saw like blades emerge from the fins. Affy spins towards the POE, and manages to slice some of the outer hull just a bit*

This is fun. I love being a superhero. I can get lots of toyetic(tm) weapons and ships to play with! Anyway, better tell the others...


Hey, GL, nice shot with that...ray thing. See if you can hit the POE with some polka. I think I might've damaged it just a tad...

Mew!

*Affy fires a snowzar blast at the POE. Unfortunately, the ice fixes the damage Affy just did to the POEs outer hull*

DARN IT! DARNDARNDARNDARNDARNDARNDARNDARNDARN!

*Kids at home may not want to read the next bit of profanity*


DARN IT TO BELGIUM!!!!!!!!!

~Even in the blackness of the POE, Red hears Affy's profane words~

Really, Captain. I thought I was the only one here who used language like that.

~Red redies a secret Mangol weapon. He presses a button on his watch. The only button on his watch, and therefore easily located in the pitch black enterior. Suddently all the blackness INSIDE the POE actually leaks OUTSIDE of it. The instruments still remain dark and the ship is at about 41.9999998% power, but without expending any energy, the POE has effectively become cloaked. No light, heat, or reading of any source eminate from the POE. It's still a sitting duck, but it's now an invisible sitting duck~

~Since he can't do anything, Red notices he is a bit hungry. Dogfighting is hard work. He reaches under his chair and pulls out his lunchbox. He cannot see the lunchbox, because it is dark. However, he can feel it, and knows it is his lunchbox. He searches around until he finds a whole chicken. He takes a bite out of the whole chicken, and notices it tastes as though it has been covered in mustard. He reflects that, in this blackness, he cannot *see* the mustard. He chuckles as he realizes that any mustard sprayed on the outside of his ship would be just as invisible as the ship itself!~

* However, even in the dark, you can't mistake the smell of mustard. With the front end of the weiners twitching like tiny noses, the killer hot-dogs home in relentlessly on the POE, looking like they'll strike in two or three postings...

*GL looks at his instuments. The power level is back up to 20%, but there is no sign of the POE on his screens. GL rubs at the screens with a cleaning cloth. Still no POE.*

I know he is out there somewhere, but we can't detect him. I doubt he can do much, though.

*Worried, GL shifts all but the most essential power into the shields. That still leaves them at only 11% strength.*

*GL looks at his instuments. The power level is back up to 20%, but there is no sign of the POE on his screens. GL rubs at the screens with a cleaning cloth. Still no POE.*

I know he is out there somewhere, but we can't detect him. I doubt he can do much, though.

*Worried, GL shifts all but the most essential power into the shields. That still leaves them at only 11% strength.*

[YK] Hey, you dips, he hasn't moved an inch!

[YK blasts at the spot where the POE was last, and it doesn't hit anything]

[YK] D'oh!

Guys - follow the weiners! They know where he is!

* at about this posting, the first of the weiners hits, creating a fireball with a POE-shaped black shadow in the centre...

~The blast sends the POE spining out of the blackness. Luckily, the power on the POE had just hit 75%, all Red needed to turn on the lights, engage sheilds and fire up his engines. Doing so, he melts the mustard and the net that were encasing his ship. He resumes the fight with Affy, tailing him this time.~

*Affy notices the POE tailing him. Affy sighs*

Here we go again. Oh, well. This'll make for an interesting story to tell in the spaceport bars.

*Hits a button on his dashboard, and the hourglass shaped ship turns around while still moving in the same direction. Then, Affy fires with all of his weapons blazing*

[Any news of Montressor? I'd like an encounter with him as the "totally unexpected immediate danger that comes about when everyone's celebrating the dispatch of the main villain"...]