h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

IRL, I'm off to bed, as I have an appointment in the morning. This is the opportunity for everyone else to throw in a description or two of Montressor's dance steps - let's see who can be most over-the-top without actually destroying the Mangar, huh?

A very good idea! And let's not keep making a slew of posts in a row just because no one's posted since you did last, i.e. during the last two minutes, shall we?

Hey! Those were a minimum of half an hour apart, over a period of almost eight hours, apart from the deliberate double-post at the start. I was just killing time until someone came along to interact with.

}Well, you oughtn't.{

[Mew uses Metronome. He rocks back and forth in midair with a TICK, TOCK noise and then he uses Dig. He burrows into the Mangar's deck.]

*Montressor, in a supreme effort of will, drops the "accordian" and despirately tries to stop his dancing by holding onto one hopping leg with both hands. He manages to slow the hopping a little, but then overbalances and topples over onto his back. This breaks his concentration and the dance mania kicks back into high gear. He spins on his back for a few moments, then jumps up and does a polka promenade across the bridge. Half-way across, he bumps into the weapons console and manages to fire the forward snowzars. The snowzars have never been fired while travelling at warp speed, and indeed, they have a warning label printed on the inside of each muzzle strictly warning against such practice. The snowballs that were just fired, exit the snowzar at warp speed, but almost instantly slow to sub-warp speed and wink out of sight of the Mangar. They wink into existance near Planet X and slam into a fuel dump which is instantly and permanently frozen.*

[Engine room]
* Peet sees another slight problem. The engines were so badly damaged in the previous battle that the repairs make the previous chewing-gum wrapper and yak-spit job look like a work of art. With both engines now at full warp, any attempt to shut either one down manually before the other will apply a shear force leading to, at the very least, a core breach. They need to be shut down simultaneously, and soon!


That's the spirit! I have an explaination for what's happening to Monty, but my character needs to be talking to someone else to tell it... It's not very good, but I'd like to get it off my (his?) chest, anyway...

*GL dodges as Monty polkas past. He can see the look of intense concentration on Monty's face as Monty tries to control his movements. Unfortunately, all that happens is that the polka momentarily shifts to a Mambo and then returns to a polka. A small wisp of smoke begins to curl out of Monty's left ear as he performs his internal battle. GL decides that now would be a good time to check something somewhere else. He exits and heads to the engine room.*

Hi Peet. Monty sure is a dancing machine, now.

Yup.

I noticed an MP3 player sticking to the back of his neck, where he couldn't reach it. It looked *just* like the one I lost, except a lot older. I took a chance and tried the remote control - it seemed to work!

I confiscated the player from a time-travelling drunk who was using it to terrorise the bar at Starfleet Academy. He'd brought it back from "Weird Al" Yanchovic's farewell concert - it contained extended live versions of every song he'd ever written. (will write?)

It was particularly dangerous, because it was a concert-hall neural-loop model. It had a remote control because it needed to be activated at least six feet from the nearest metal object to prevent the chance of a feedback loop building up and making it dump all the songs simultaneously into the nearest intelligent presence...

Could you go over to that big switch and prepare to pull it on a count of three, please...

[Mew finishes burrowing and the deck directly below Montressor explodes, with Mew rocketing out. I think it's safe to assume that Montressor would be equivalent to a STEEL-type...]

[MEW used DIG!]
[It's super-effective!]

[Montressor hurt by polka!]

[Meant to say, "Montressor IS hurt by polka!"]

[Isn't everyone! ]

[Yeah, especially when the being doing the polkaing is a robot designed for other peoples' destruction! ]

[Link jumps out and boggles at the scene he's looking at]

[Engine room]
3... 2... Achoo! Oops...

*Moose looks up in time to see Montressor doing some kind of break dance, must be "Amish Paradise" time. Ignoring that he runs down to the Engine room and produces severl feet of #9 gauge wiring*

Take that end Peet and stick it on the contact next to lever one, Garius, you take the other end and attach it to the contact next to lever two. Now this may sting a bit.

*Moose, throws a third lever and an electric spark arcs between the two stooges, er... em... glorius crew members, but does no real damage. He throws the lever again.*

There, that didn't really do anything I just like pulling that prank on people.

[Moose, I take it you've seen "UHF", then... ]

[A breach in the Continuity Continuum opens up on the bridge. YK, YC, YQ, Nerfal, Zelda, and Mackenzie hop out of it. Dylan uses Continuity Bleach to close the breach.]

[YK] What's UHF?

[It's the movie where "Weird Al" Yanchovic inherits a TV station from his uncle, but the catch is he has to keep it running for a month on zero budget or it loses its licence. When he meets the station's engineer he's handed two electrodes... "Hold these"... Al looks puzzled, then lightning bolts shoot from his head giving him a super-afro. The engineer says "Yup. It always seems to do that."

It's memorable for the game show "Wheel of Fish", where a wooden wheel has fish nailed to it with the tails sticking out, and when someone phones in they spin it and they win the fish whose tail is next to a nail at the top. Oh, and the advert for "Spatula City"...]

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[YK] Oh, man! That's SO funny! I used to frequent that place...

[Mew knocks Montressor over]