h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Montressor continues to polka on his side, but at a slowing pace. His polkaing slows further and further until he is merely vibrating on the floor. Finally, he gives a particularly violent twitch and stops completely.

Meanwhile, in the engine room, GL has recovered from his shock and has managed to resist the first ideas that had come into his head regarding Moose. Instead, he looks at his watch.*

Well, Montressor should have run down by now. I had better go disable him.

*GL exits and walks back to the bridge. He walks over to the motionless Montressor and notices the MP3 player at the back of his neck. Decides to leave it there, but pushes the off button. Opens a panel on Monty's back and removes a chip.*

There. Without his loyalty chip, Monty will now obey anyone. That is if we recharge him.

Now. It appears that the battle is over and we are free to head back to h2g2. The Raven is out of commission, so it is probably safe to leave it there on that dog-shaped moon.

Irving - set a course for h2g2.

[Comms from engine room]
By the way, GL, we still seem to be travelling uncontrollably at warp, with no navigation controls...

Oh, and I just noticed that I still seem to have that Treaty... Why did we need that, again?

[YK] Link, put that sword away.

[He turns to someone]

[YK] Say, once you get this ship under control, could you drop us off at Elexen? The ship's computer ought to have the coordinates.

[Elexen is a planet that has complete surface development, like Coruscant]

[Link puts the sword away]

*Glances at the smashed navigation console over against the far wall.*

Oh, er, um, yes, it seems that we need to do some repair work before we can go anywhere by choice. I wonder where we are headed now...

Have no fear I have returned!!!!

I was holding out till now because I knew you would all get in to some sort of mess and then I could come along and save the the day, so here I am.

}Great then. Fix the controls.{

Well, Lintilla, it's nice to have you back. We aren't really in much of a mess, though. We have gotten the treaty signed and defeated all of the bad guys and now merely need to get back to h2g2. Unfortunately, our navigation console is, um, slightly out of adjustment *points to mangled heap in the corner* and we are hurtling along at warp speed to who knows where. Other than that, we are in great shape

[YK] Hey, I've got an idea.

[Cut to YK in his X-wing, with R2-B4 in the socket. They are in the hangar bay]

[YK] Okay. According to my calculations, we will reach the Elexen system in ... [wonders whether to say it in posts, hours, or TV time, and decides to say we'll get there when we get there] ... the time it takes till we arrive.


I'll describe Elexen, please? I'd do it now except I have to leave IRL now.

Go ahead.

Yes, do tell

[YK] So, as long as this ship has the automatic out-of-hyperdrive-in-planetary-gravity system that makes Imperial Interdictor Cruisers so helpful, we're okay, because in three of my posts, (not counting this one) we'll reach Elexen.


The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy is very opinionated. However, it knows a good opinion to have when it sees it, and the best way to be in any given government's good graces is to display a good opinion of it. But there are exceptions.

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about the United Interstellar Coalition.

"Like Trantor, Coruscant, and the Borg Homeworld, the entire surface of the planet Elexen is one big city. What's more, it is equal parts huge skyscrapers, and the fact that you can walk around in any given building for days without seeing any windows, let alone the sky.
"This is the setting of the government center of the United Interstellar Coalition (UIC). It seems to be the perfect place for a buearocracy to exist. Not that this bit of information says much: buearocracies can exist anywhere that not many intelligent life forms would want to. Many people who visit Elexen find it an interesting place to visit, but that they wouldn't want to live there. Half the people who live there find virtually every other planet (within reason) interesting places to visit, but they wouldn't want to live there.
"The UIC is usually involved in some sort of war with a neighboring sector, the Galactic Incompetence. The Galactic Incompetence seems to have the tightest grip on any planet it takes over in the galaxy. Curiously, something like forty-two percent of the planets the Galactic Incompetence does take over completely get rid of them.
"UIC officials are not above a little bribery and corruption in the same sense that the timber line is not above the moon. Anyone with sufficient cash can find moving around Elexen very easy.
"Under no circumstances say that your homeworld is better than Elexen unless you are surrounded by at least five Red-Shirted Extras."

You mean, we are headed to a government planet?


Oh dear.

[Link] Um, the nav console /is/ a mangled wreck.

[Mackenzie] We'd better fix it.

[She waves her hands and the necessary tools for fixing the console appear. Also, the console is no longer beyond repair.]

[Mew sets to fixing the control panel. The result is more surprising than useful, so he completely undoes what he had done.]

[YK, alarmed at the lack of posting, fixes the controls himself, with YC's help.]

I don't see much problem with visiting a government planet, the way i see it they will all be so wraped up in themselves like usual that they wont even notice us

there.

[Nerfal rushes in] [Nerfal] YAAA! Someone get the controls! [He messes with them. The Mangarr tries to go every which way simultaneously, still heading toward Elexen at warp.] [YC] Give me that! [He presses a few buttons and the Mangar gets out of warp. In the center of the viewscreen is a planet with total land development. A small, red starship narrowly misses crashing into the Mangar] [YK] Crazy hotshots! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! http://www.h2g2.com/F35868?thread=89215

[Apologies for the lack of recent postings, guys. After the mystery of the 50 vanishing journal threads, it seems that this thread had been removed from my space, yet the new one was subscribed to without any interaction on my part... I'm beginning to suspect that someone's guessed my password and is maliciously tinkering with my threads... ]

[Well then CHANGE your bloody password!! Oh, wait: you must have clicked the "Click here to be notified of new Conversations about this entry" link at the bottom.]