h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

He's a hero. Has been for ages.

Death Avocado land heroically on the floor and pulls out his Grocery bag of Good!

*EAT MOFO-OSITY LADEN GOODNESS, MOFOS!!!!!!!!!!*

He screams, and pulls out a fat and purposeful looking tube with numerous springs and pulleys attached. He slams packet of small green shapes into the feed hopper.

*AVOCADOS OF DEATH!! FULL OF DEATHLY GOODNESS!!!*

the scream resounds throughout the hangar and DA pulls the lever on the spring launcher, releasing the heavyset twist of metal.

*droinkCLUNG!!! BOWN!!!*

The first noise is the launcher, the second is a small green avocado with a white skull and crossbones marking smacking into the Krymla leader's face and exploding.

*droinkCLUNG!!! BOOOMM!! droinkCLUNG!! KABLAM!! droinkCLUNG!! SMACKDAH!!*

the red and green figure stands manlilylilyly on a crate, dispensing wholesome destruction left, right and center....

*Unfortunately, there was an extremely thick wall of ice between KL's face and the small bomb. Roughly six inches of the wall melts. KL sticks out his long toungue, and points at the counter. Somehow, it's already down to 90*

Affy-Um, guys? We may have some trouble...

*UH stands. He ignites his adamantium claws and with a scream lays into the wall of ice.*

*prin-doom-slakh-tin-doong-ring-slt-pat-wit-proin-lig-nip*

goes the wall. Everyone in the hangar looks up at it, and notice a little family of 30 calibre holes has set up shop on it. They then notice that there are similar holes appearing through the outer door of the hangar, and suddenly a zinging roar opens up, coming from outside, in deep space. The outer door becomes peppered throughout it's center and starts to give way...suddenly *BLAMMM (tink-tink)* a battered and deeply scarred USCM dropship, depleted uranium cannon roaring, bursts through and drunkenly lurches towards the floor. Autoseeking flamethrowers gout flame towards all and sundry and with a rending crack the ship drops heavily onto the floor. While the inhabitants of the room hide for cover, the hatch on the bottom of the ship drops to the floor and a squat square shape on wheels roars out, big-bore cannon blazing and going *Pokka-Pokka-Pokka* in a very cartoonic way. Hastily the fropship throws itself off the floor on autopilot and crashes a new hole through the outer door...the APC zooms and skids wildly and uncontrollably around the cluttered floor of the hangar, sirens screeching, wheels smoking and heavy-duty weaponry *BLAMM*ing to it's heart's content. A number of holes gape in the walls, the floor, the cieling, equipment, and even people. One ultra-white hot shell skranks through an important strut and the villain's ship sags slightly towards the floor, hydraulic fluid spurting everywhere.

*One dud shell lands on UH's head, and he collapses, mysteriously disappearing for a few days. He is here in spirit, though.*

*Affy begins chopping at the ice with his sword. Notices some of the other villains starting to gang up on him, pulls out his spellbook, and finds an appropriate spell from The Bard's Tale. Affy invokes the Mind Blade spell, and watches the villains (not including KL, still safely behind the wall) collapse in an explosion of psychic energy*

*in the confusion, Amy runs towards the Red Button firing blue laser beams on full strength at everything and anything*

Nnnnnnyyyyyyaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggghhhhhhh!

Death Avocado takes advantage of the confusion to unlimber his twin mini-cannons from his back. Feeding a belt of high-velocity shrapnel-potato into the slot, he pulls a lever and *clinkCHUDDACHUDDACHUDDA* lets fly with thousands of rounds a second. The barrels spin so fast that they begin to travel time (as they are wont to do) and glow absurdly brightly. A *SPRAN!*ing trail of glowing holes judder from the cieling, diagonally down accross the wall, and towards the solid block of ice that is KL. Absurdly fast potato-bits smack into the iceblock and shatter it into to tiny, tiny ickle bits. For some reason, this leaves KL intact.

*Commentary*Was this REALLY so good a move? Find out next!

Time travel, eh? Well, I think I can even up those kinds of odds.

*Pushes a button on his belt buckle. The timer quickly jumps down to ten, and the gates begin to glow. 9. KL grins, as every heroe in the room rushes towards the button, roughly eight seconds away*

And, just because I don't care much for any of you...

*KL snaps his fingers, and what resembles a gigantic Chameleon with sharp claws and teeth appears right in front of the button*

A pet of mine, named Chameo. Not too bright, but he is resistant to most forms of magic and science. Took me, oh, hours to develop him during the election.

Hits Chameo over the head with the 1.5 litre bottle of Coke that failed to hit its target earlier. Presses the red button.

So much for the cameo appearance. Hehehe.

*The room falls silent. The screeching wheels of the APC stop spinning. The large-bore cannon stops BLAMming. DA's Spring launcher stops droinkCLUNGing. People stop fighting, hacking, slashing, shouting, screaming, running...moving, as everyone stares expectantly at the chameleon. It stands there unblinkingly, but if it could blink, it would blink slowly. There is a long, long, heavy, weighty, pregnant pause.

*DZSSHH-VOSSHT-KERSPRANG-CLINK-WH...UD-DADWHUDDAWHUDAWUDA-WISHT-HMM-beep...beep...beeep...*

Go the assorted weaponry and wands of the superheroes as they swing towards, target, point at, think about, etc. the chameleon, and limber, load, power-up, strain, unlock, and generally get ready.

Sudenly a gigantic, roaring, rushing cacophony of crushing sound, glowing projectles, bullets, spells, shrapnel, charms, hexes, beams, rays and potatoes fly towards and envelop the sluggish lizard. The chameleon holds up a befingered hand and the barrage stops inches away from it. Slowly the creature advances forwards. But as it does so, Giguschild scrambles out of the APC and leaps, lightning-like, towards the button....!!!!!!!!!!! (btw...uh...what does the button DO!?)

Oops, that was a little late. Oh well. Just pretend to insert it in front of Amy's one. Then it works. Except it leaves Giguschild flying through the air. never mind....I'll just get my coat...see ya's all later...

Well, whatever, I gotta go. Other universes to save. You know how it is.

call them in now!

all right, everything?

EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




though the already *open* hanger door screams 5 Starfighters, turbo lazers blazing and firing ion cannons. As they circle the dropship they consintrate thier fire on the sensor systems. With a great cracling and fissing the dropship manages to pick off one of the fighters sending it spiraling downward. The fighter careens downward penitrating the shileds and hits the hull. All of the weapons onboard explode punching a massive hole in the drop ship that takes out the sheilding and sensor equipment. With it's sheilding gone it is still formitable but an extremely easy target. Before the drop ship is reduced to wreakage it manages to shoot down all but one fighter
That fighter contains Yo

Yo- WHAT NOW BABY???????????

~notices everyone has stopped~

what happened?

You naughty, naughty, continuity breaking man. The dropship has already LEFT. It crashed a new hole through the outer door; it would hardly have done that and then hung around, would it? What the fighters in fact shot down was the scout fighter, which had snuck in to scout the place out, adopting a very silly and misplaced disguise of the dropship. Also, apparently, an extremely unlucky disguise, as it is now dust. Yowsers. And NOW, I really HAVE gone. For tonight anyway. Bye!

*KL grins*

KL-I was saving this as a surprise. You see, the button doesn't stop the timer. It opens the gates...

*The gates open, with a slow, creaking sound, revealing a grayish rift in the space/time continuum behind it*

KL-...and allows me to summon, from the dimension of The Donuts Are Not Enough, THE LEGIONS OF THE KRYLMA!

*From the portal step three figures marching in a row, a human, something that looks like a humanoid version of Chameo, and what resembles a giant frog. They walk forward, and are soon followed by several of the infamous Gecko and Kimodo Dragon Warriors that made KL so infamous in his days in the movies. The first three break apart from the marching villains, some mutant some human, and approach KL*

The Chameleon-Special Agent Chameleon, reporting sir.

The Human-Science Ultima Krylma, reporting sir.

The Amphibian-War Division Commander Ordos, reporting sir.

KL-Greetings, Chameleon, Krylma, and Ordos. Welcome to h2g2. A new world for the Krylma to explore. How many were left after the internal conflict right before I left?

Chameleon-Only about a thousand. But that should be enough, based on your previous messages.

*KL turns to the waiting heroes and villains, as the Gecko and Kimodo Dragon Warriors continue to march through. Affy walks up to KL, sword drawn*

Affy-What's going on, Minos?

KL-I was merely bringing forth my minions from the other dimension, Afgncaap5. Is it really so wrong to want my friends in this universe as well?

*Affy starts to say something in protest, but can't think of anything. Tries to think of a possible charge for a crime that KL hasn't already paid for, but can't. Affy turns to the other heroes*

Um, guys? Can you think of a charge? We need something to back this up with.