h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Surrounded by ysalmiri and an SEP field, the Sith Infiltrator flies toward a castle-looking thing]

*As Grey is waiting, a cave troll runs up from the shadows with a war aze in his hands. The troll lifts the axe above his head...

Meanwhile, the adventurer with the magically enhanced eyes sees Red, and walks up to him*


Strange Man Dressed In Red, Hello

[The Sith Infiltrator lands on the castle-looking thing. Interior: As the dust settles, we see Darth Corrigible coming along, flanked by Y3K and Y4K. The good guys react with horror.]

[Y2K] So, Link, we meet again.

[Link] I guess it was inevitable. [He takes out an PESTTT*, straps it to his arm, sets it to "Here and now," takes out the Ocarina of Time, plays the "Prelude of Light", and magically disappears]

[PESTTT* "Personal Emergency Space-Time Teleportation Thingumy"]

*And just as the troll prepares to swing the axe down, Grey reaches casually over to his C-21 canister rifle, loads a prototype cryo-canister and shoots it at the troll. The troll is instantly frozen and is free to be mind wiped at any time. Grey hopes the Krymla Leader won't mind Grey having taken apart the snowzar he was issued to mimic the technology for his weapon of choice. Suddenly a monitor beeps from somewhere in the cave.*


Fellow supervillains I've located the Mangar. I'm preparing to move in. I have a new tracking device with me that I will be planting on the bridge. Also when I get back I'm hoping that I will have a brand new hostage with us. Grey out.


*Grey exits the cave loaded with technological gadgets and heads off in the direction of the signal from one of his recon droids*

*Grey walks up to a seemingly empty clearing and begins looking around. He sets a vulture tracing mine on the ground and it immediately runs up to the ship and attaches itself to the hull. Grey now realizing exactly what is there is no longer affected by the SEP and can see the ship.*


I'm about to board the Mangar, I'll keep you all informed.


*Grey walks over to find the ridiculously unguarded entrance with a Red-Suited Extra standing in front of a terminal reading a display. Grey pulls out his special Katana and slices the extra. He then steps aboard the ship.*

{Oops, wrong persona pretend that last post was Grey Spectre}

{For a complete transcript of Grey's actions please check the Mission to Zork Forum, post 193}

*Grey comes back to his cave pushing a hover-dolley with the prone body of Moose on it. He attaches a small device to him and has Moose beamed up*


I've just returned from the Mangar, I've left two tracking devices onboard, one in the hull and another on the bridge, the one on the bridge is attached to the computer system so that we can get a reading on anything the do while onboard the ship. Also just as I suspected Moose was onboard, I have captured him and sent him to the brig on the the Raven. I also sabotaged the engines with a spare wedge of fruitcake. I'll remain here awaiting any further orders you may have. Grey Out

[Y2K] Where'd he go?

[Red-Shirted Extra 1, reading tricorder] Uh ... seven years in the future!

[Y3K] Oh, no, not again!

[A shimmering transporter effect appears that seems much too big to be ten-year-old Link. It resolves itself into ... SEVENTEEN-year-old Link! (The part of seventeen-year-old Link will be played by Leonardo DiCaprio, or, if we can't afford him, my friend Perry will do, since he looks a lot like him.) Link has the Master Sword drawn.]

[YK] Great!

[YC] Here we go again!

[YK arms his blue-bladed lightsaber; YC arms his yellow lightsaber; Y3K arms his green-bladed lightsaber; Y4K arms his red-bladed Schwartz-sword]

[Y2K] This is it.

[Link] The final battle.

[YK] No it isn't.

[Link] Sorry.

[The battle begins. YK vs. Y3K, YC vs. Y4K, Link vs. Darth Corrigible. Music: Duel of the Fates again]

[Profile of Y3K. We can't see who he is dueling with.]

[Y3K] So, here we are, eh?

[Profile of Y4K, facing the opposite direction. We can't see who he is dueling with.]

[Y4K] Together again. I wouldn't miss it.

[Same view of Y3K]

[Y3K] I've only one question.

[Same view of Y4K]

[Y4K] Yeah, what's that?

[Same view of Y3K]

[Y3K] Why are we dueling with each other?

[Pull back to reveal that they are dueling with each other. YK and YC are watching them with amusement.]

[Y4K] Hmm, good point.

[Y3K starts dueling YK while Y4K starts dueling YC]

*The adventurer notices that Red isn't paying attention. It decides that Red must be an important character, someone necessary to complete his quest*


Strange Person Dressed In Red, where is the mauve key?

[Y4K and YC continue to fight. Y4K opens with a straight thrust into an "open line," the purple blade grazing against YC's shoulder scoring a "high outside." YC replies with a simple parry from the fourth position executing a deft circle with the yellow blade that gains him the right to "riposte." But Y4K is clearly fencing from a different rule book, for he goes straight into a "redoublement" regardless of YC's right to "riposte." YC flings his lightsaber at Y4K in an attack that clearly does not figure in any rule book, and closes in for a "corps á corps", throwing any pretense to dueling etiquette into the wind. Yes, I took this right out of the "Starship Titanic" book. While YC is busy strangling Y4K, the lightsaber he has thrown is still in midair. YK manages to dodge out of the way, and Y3K, thinking that he is being attacked from another angle, swings his own lightsaber wildly at it. In doing so, he loses his balance and stumbles into Y2K, who promptly gets hit over the head with the Master Sword. Link is evidently the only duelist still paying attention to the duel.]

~Continuity: Red did not notice the adventurer, because Red was concentrating on locating the Queen's chambers. He entered a castle, using a muave key he found on the ground. Afterwards, he chucks it over his shoulder at about the same time the adventurer asked "Strange person dressed in red, where is the muave key". He entered the castle, kidnapped the Queen, locked her up, put on a costume that made him look just like her, only taller, and succesfully invalidated the treaty by signing his own name, and not the Queen's, to the treaty. Later, his ruse was discovered, and he is now holding Peet at gunpoint in the other thread.~

*The adventurer picked up the mauve key, used it to enter New Castle Flatheadia, and found out that the Queen had been kidnapped. He found a carbon copy of the treaty, realized that someone named The Masque Of The Red Rejection Email must have been the one who kidnapped the Queen, associates the kidnapper with the strange man dressed in Red, and decides that his quest object is now finding the Queen and Red, and not entering the castle to save the Bagle of Doubt*

[This happened in the same room as the duel. As Y2K got hit over the head, Peet farted gratuitiously and, along with Red, was knocked cold by stampeding yaks. The yaks, sniffing the air, were knocked cold as well]

[The Jedi, the clones, and the Hero of Time have also blacked out, apparently]

*Red and the Clones have been tied up and shot with a snowzar. For full details, please read the other forum. Oh, and there's a pie here*

*meanwhile, in Raven where Black has been waiting for Red and other villains who went to the surface to return, Lenore starts registering weird readings from the tracking device she has somehow managed to add to Red's equipment without his knowledge in order to always be aware where he is*

Lenore: Hey, take a look at this!

...

Lenore: Black?

Black: Oh, you were talking to me - sorry. What is it?

Lenore: The readings from the tracking device I put with Red -

Black: Tracking device?

Lenore: Yes, tracking device - they look like -

Black: What tracking device?

Lenore: Well do you think I would have let him go down there all alone without any chance to find him if something happens? Now if you'd just listen -

*Black takes a look at the computer screen and notices that the readings are claiming the temperature to be below zero although it shouldn't be even close to that where Red was going to go*

Black: Hmm... This -does- seem weird... *tries to contact Red in his communication frequency but gets no reply* He's not replying. I have bad feeling about this...

Lenore: That's what I was trying to tell you. So if we'd just -

Black: Oh, shut up and take us to the surface, we have to go and find out what's going on.

*Raven starts slowly approaching the planet*

[The Raven finds the Sith Infiltrator jammed into the top of a castle-type thingummy]


[Y2K, waking up in the throne room] Whoagabooga!

[Y3K] Yeah, same to you and the horse you rode in on.

[Y4K] Could we stop making wisecracks and start getting rid of the good guys?

[Y2K] Sure. Now, let's figure out where everyone's got to...

Red needs to read both forums before posting. He just made two posts in the other forum that make no sense in light of these last postings. Please ignore what Red has been saying in the other forum, and go with the story line Darth Noire is setting up, which makes more sense.

[Y2K] Great.

[Y3K] Now can we get back to the actual plot?

[Y4K] Yeah, this is the only forum we've been to that has any replies to us!

*Black tells Lenore to land neither too close nor too far from the building where Red's signal seems to be coming from and which has the Sith Infiltrator on top of it*