h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hmm... i don't know. i think i'm kinda partial to the one i have now...
and red? not that my opinion matters but i liked the rejection e-mail thing... one of those is much worse than death!!!

Oh, I realize it's worse than death. If you look at my userpage you'll see it still says "Rejection eMail" all over it instead of "herring". I'm going to keep this for a week or so, and then change back. I figure that if everyone else gets to change there name now and then, I should too!

[YC] But what about the melon then?

[Y3K] Howabout, "soeasilyamused, Queen of Air and Darkness"?

[Y4K] No, it would have to be "Space and Darkness" because of the SciFi thing.

[Y2K] Say, SEA, would you like to learn the ways of the Force?

[stunned silence from the clones]

[Y2K, unperturbed] Then you would be "soeasilyamused, Dark Lady of the Sith"! Sounds good to me.

(In the event that any of you knows much about Zork, and would like to know roughly what time it is down there, it's probably around the time of the Inquisition, so I'd place it as the year 1067, their time. I just wanted to clarify that for the people out there who actually closely follow all that goes on in Zork)

*jumping up and down*
can i? can i, corrigible-- and his clones? i'd love to learn!!!!! please please please please......
*holds on to corrigible's arm, begging*

[Y2K] Sure, SEA, just as soon as you tell me how you got from whatever ship you had been on to my Sith Infiltrator.

[Y3K, on his Pie Interceptor] I can't disagree with that.

[Y4K, on his BowTIE Fighter] Me neither.

[YC, on the Millenium Bug] So we all agree?

*blushes bright red*
um.... inadvertent teleportation??? either that or you left the side door open...

um, just to refresh my memory, did we get the blackade set up? if not, we should probably get on that...*hint hint*

blOckade. with an o. i need a spellcheck for this....

I rather like "blackade". Sounds appropriate, somehow. Anyway, the Mangar WAS back in time, but they're back in the present now. At least we think so.

The blockade is set up. It is around the entire Zork homeworld at a distance that keeps us out of visual detection by their satelites, but close enough in that the Mangar could not approach the planet without alerting us to there position in time for us to set up and effective barrier. Our ships are conveniently cloaked from detection by the Mangolian Cloaking device that I helped them invent.

I sense a disturbance in the Schwartz that I last felt in the presence of my old master, the Krymla leader. I know that his being is somehow attached to that of Afgncaap5 of the Mangar. I can only assume that it means they are approaching.

[Y2K prepares to begin SEA's training]

[Y3K, over radio] Just out of curiosity, what's our equivalent to the Red-Shirted Extras?

[Y4K, over radio] The Black-Suited Extras?

[YC, over radio] Saaaaay ... I like the sound of that ...

i am ready, master Y2K...

[Y2K begins SEA's training, which involves using the Force and behaving evil. He does not pay any attention to where the ship is going, so he goes right into the sensor range of the Mangar]

D'OH!

*Piepiepiepiepiepiepie!*

maybe we can use the force to make the people in the mangar forget they saw us???

[Y2K, over radio] Don't count on it! See that X-Wing? That's got YK on it, who I was cloned from!

[Y2K does some fancy flying to avoid the X-Wing's firing, realizes that neither has fired yet and that the X-Wing is doing the exact same thing only not quite as well; the Sith Infiltrator plays with space-time a bit and isn't there when the X-Wing blasts at it]

[Y2K] That was a bit close...

[The Pie Interceptor, the BowTIE Fighter, and the Millenium Bug set upon the X-Wing]

[Y3K, over radio] Don't worry, sir, we've got him!

[Y4K, over radio] Careful, boys, he's a great pilot!

[YC, over radio] So'm I!

Polka Sheilds up! All hands to battle stations, Code Me! I mean, Code Red! Let's blast these guys! Remember, once they've reached Zork (which they have), LETHAL FORCE is authorized!

~surely he doesn't mean?~

Yes, that's right, ready the fruit cake cannon! The Mangar may have a fruit cake inteceptor device, but I doubt that that X Wing does. When the Sith Infiltrator is clear of the X Wing, fire the fruitcake!

Lenore. Ready my fighter.

~A one man fighter craft, sleek, and deep red, descends from the cargo bay. This is Red's Personal Offensive Element or POE. It was designed with the help of the Mangols while he was on there ship, and this is why it hasn't been seen until now. Red straps on his oxygen mask and boards the POE.~

Alright Affy, you are mine.

/Red

[It is impossible to describe the astounding battle between the X-Wing, the BowTIE Fighter, the Pie Interceptor, and the Millenium Bug, so I shan't try]

[Y2K, over radio] Don't worry, I'm clear of the X-Wing. Just watch out for the other Bad Guy Spaceships we've got there!

[Abruptly, the three ships attacking the X-Wing fly away from it]

Prepare the Tiamat for departure. Arm Molecular Phase Cannons, Particle Projection Cannons, Long Range Missle Racks, and charge the Graviton Mines.

*Stunning FMV of The Tiamat charging up and preparing for battle.*

I'll distract some of the extra ships in the fleet and see what I can do about taking them out.

*Battle ensues in which the Tiamat takes on three CLI convoy ships at once. All four ships perform complex manuevers dodging and weaving in and out in a full 3D battle worthy of Industrial Light and Magic. After fifteen minutes one of the CLI ships is completely gutted and it's cargo is spilled all thought space. A second is disabled having run afoul of a graviton mine, and the third is retreating to the rest of the convoy. The Tiamat begins laying a few mines around the area the convoy will soon be passing through.*

All ships upload these coordinates into your computers these mines will drift towards any ships they are targeted for but they will not come near your ships as long as you don't run into them directly.