h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And, of course, it's vitally important we don't waste posts under any circu...er...oops...

*Sighs*

Okay, in Beyond Zork, there is a scene where you are being chased by a mother hungus. It doesn't leave you alone until you accidentally drop a fabulous gemstone. It proceeds to eat the gem, and forget about you until you start bothering it again. But this is the only gem I've got with me now...

*Stares at the dragon gem in his hand*

Okay, use up the rest of the posts we have to think about this. I don't want to give this up unless I have to. So start thinking. Meanwhile, I want to check for something.

*Starts sifting through the tall grass. He occasionally picks up sticks lying on the ground, and pointing them at things, trying to work out some unknown problem*

YK seems to have accidentally made a post saying, "[YK uses the Force to push Chrome out of the way]" in another forum. Since he told me not to control his characters, let's just wait.

Mew, d'ya think you could make that gem float in front of the Hungus, *just* out of its reach, and lure it around Chrome, thus giving him a clear path to safety? Just a thought...

*Affy picks up another stick, and points it at Jello. The Jello, in an astounding display of metaphysics and light, turns inside out for a few moments before reverting to normal*

Okay, I've found an inverting wand! If we want, I could drop it, and get it back by turning the Hungus inside out!

*Looks at the conversing Peet and Mew*

Oh, wait. You've already solved it.

*Grins*

I wonder how much this gem is worth.


Of course, we've got two more posts to think about this problem. Let's try to work out one mroe solution, then we can use one of the three we have.

Ah, I see you were looking for a wand of levitation, Affy. That's how I solved that problem in Beyond Zork - simply lifted the baby out of the mud. Too bad you only found the wand of inversion.

Now, as for other solutions. Hmmmm. Do you think we would have time to herd our yaks in between Chrome and Mama Hungus? Or, how about if we throw one of our cloaks of invisibility over Chrome - you guys still have yours, don't you? Hmmmm. I kinda like Peet's solution, myself. Guess the next poster has the choice.

*Chrome, who looks inactive, has been twiddling with a microcomputer attached to his thigh. As the rest of the team stand debating, the C-Mobile flies overhead, and drops a huge mound of glutinous stuff in the Hungus's path. That gives him and the team a few more posts to escape.*

I knew I'd find a use for that 5-year supply of toupee adhesive I found in the mangar's cargo bay!

*Notices that Link, Nerfal, and all the rest of YK's alternate personalities are drowning in the toupee adhesive. Oh well....*

GL, I was thinking of getting the Hungus' attention with the gem, dropping it, having the Hungus forget about Chrome, and using the wand of inversion to retrieve the gem. I just wonder if there's another solution somewhere...Oh! We could do a "deus ex machina" (so what if I can't spell), solution! Those are always fun. I can see it now..."Marc Blank, Dave Lebling, 'Professor' Brian Morieority, and Steve Meretzky, the four great implementors of Zork, appear before the heroes of our story.

Dave-So, you're the ones running around causing havoc. What're you even doing on Zork? You're supposed to be in h2g2!

Marc-Dave, they were making *peace* with Zork, not havoc. And besides, I like the Hitchhiker books.

Steve-Yeah, they rock! Besides, you remember Douglas, don't you? He and I worked together to make that game based on his novels, and then he wrote that video game called "Beureaucracy", which *did* become an instant Infocom classic, providing us with a few more million dollars.
Dave-Well, okay. Maybe, I guess.

Brian-You know, I think we should help 'em in this quest. They're putting so much effort into creatively solving this, that they deserve a break from going to the work of *actually* doing it. *We* could save the guys in the quick sand. And the hungus. Besides, Beyond Zork *is* my game, so I think I'll just let Miznia be a "free zone" for a while. No puzzles, no monsters, no problems to solve, no villages to save, nothing. It'll be nice.

Steve-But puzzles, monsters, and problems to solve is what makes this fun! How about we just give 'em a weapon for the trip home?

Dave-Okay, I like that idea.

*The four Implementors huddle together, whisper among themselves, and turn to go. Before vanishing to the place they came from, Steve Meretzky drops an object on the ground*"

Yeah, that'd be fun if only we could arrange that. To bad it didn't happen.

*Sees an object lying on the ground*

Wait a minute...

*Picks up the object and looks at it*

Well, it's a Frobozz Magic Space-Craft Insta-Repair To %110 Percent Efficiency During A Climactic Battle Kit! This may become important some time.

*Waves to where the Implementors were*

Thanks, guys!

Nice work, Chrome, giving us a few more posts.

*Notices Mama Hungus pulling a leg free of the toupee adhesive*

That should give us lots of time to decide on our solution.

*Notices another Hungus leg coming free of the goop*

We might even be able to get the clones free by then, too.

*One more Hungus leg escapes the adhesive.*

Now, lets see ... what could we use to free the clones. Hmmmm.

*The last Hungus leg is pulled free and the Hungus resumes her charge.*

Oh, um, well, maybe we should just go with Peet's plan. Affy, throw the jewel. Mew, make it hover and lead the hungus around Chrome. And I'll ... I'll ... um ... I'll throw this vine to the baby hungus - maybe it will be able to climb out of the mud.

[Dylan, the IRL guy, swears loudly]

[YK uses the Force to get his team out of the guk and move Chrome out of the way of the Hungus]

*Affy ignores the fact that the clones have solved the puzzle, and throws the jewel into the view of the mother hungus, in the hopes that it'll catch it's attention. He also hopes that Mew is especially quick in typing a post*

* Almost as if in slow motion, the Mother Hungus' eyes cross and uncross as it tries to intercept the flying bauble. The moments of surprise, aggrivation, worry, concentration, worry and more concentration seem to take an eternity to pass across Mew's face...

[No they don't. Mew faces are unreadable to humans.]

[Mew sends the gem flying. The Mother Hungus chases after it]

Okay, GL, save the baby Hungus! Mew, have the mother Hungus run around in circles about five times, and bring back my jewel!

* Five loops later, the flaw in the plan becomes clear as the jewel makes its way back to Affy, closely followed by a stampeding Mother Hungus. She is clearly fixated on it, which is the only reason she would follow it while people were doing things with her baby...

*Slaps forhead*

Mew! I meant to make it circle five times, then make it rise out of her view (into bushes or tree tops, or something), and *then* make it come back!

*Affy would continue, but the jewel is heading straight for him*

Oh, darn.

[YK tries to use the Force on it. There is a briefl struggle of telekineses, ending up with the gem shattering]

Mew!

Oops. AFFY! LOOK OUT FOR THE HUN...

Ewww.

I don't care what galaxy you're from - that's GOTTA hurt!

[YK] It's "ow" not "ew".