h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Congratulations

Let's get out of here...

*The door behind them opens, and Afgncaap5 wanders in. He takes the large gum out of his mouth (putting it in a brown paper bag), as the door behind him closes, and locks again*

Sorry to keep everyone waiting. I just wanted to catch up with old uncle Affy.

*Sighs as he remembers what growing up on Zork was like*

Okay, let's go! BTW, Afgncaap (the DM) told me that there was a dragon somewhere ahead. Didn't tell me how to get passed it, but it was nice to let us know that it's coming.

*Affy pulls out his sword (which is glowing with a faint blue light), and starts to walk down the path. He is almost instantly stopped by a giant snake that wanders into their path*

Anyone got a bird?

What will happen to Affy and Peet???
~TO BE CONTINUED~

*The action abruptly switches to a deserted shoreline near a river estuary. Heavy mist lies all around this stretch of coast. The squawking of birds echoes in the distance as a mound of detritus stirs. No, it's not - It's Chrome!!!*

*His diplomatic attire is torn and muddy, he is covered with scratches and the filth of the river, but he is alive - and he still has the "diplomatic case". Opening it, he takes out a small electronic doohickey and presses a button on it. It begins to flash and bleep comfortingly. Through the mist, the squawking of the birds draws closer...*

[I think Chrome's going to save the day]

What's that smell?

It may be my green goo... I'm not sure.

*Affay's watch beeps. He checks it*

Chrome! He's alive! His coordinates are...

*A frown spreads across Affy's face*

The jungle of Miznia! I didn't think the Frigid River went that far! In any event, we've got to find him. That place is swarming with all sorts of monsters, from crocodiles, to bloodworms, to giant elephants, to snakes, to grues, not to mention a bunch of booby traps left by the natives.

But first, does anyone have any clue as to how we can get rid of this snake?

*Irv tries poisoning the snake with the green goo, but the serpent just seems to enjoy it...*

*Lerc yelps at the sight of a snake and jumps into Trilly's arms. Trilly holds Lerc and strokes him comfortingly*

*sigh* You're supposed to be evil...

Lerc: *sullen Brwee*

Its okay, everyone has a phobia... at least you're not scared of heights *chuckles*

*Lerc looks up at Trilly with the half-embarrassed expression that only a cloud can do. Trilly's face drops..*

You're joking.... A cloud? Scared of heights...?

[HP}=~~

[YK] I think you're just hopelessly paranoid.

*Hey!* Who'se eaten my last triple-bean Burrito with extra Chilli? I was keeping that for a special occasion! I just noticed it was missing from the last "Inventory"!

[Mew uses Fire Blast on the snake, transforming it into a crispy-fried snake]

* There is a loud shrieking grunt, and a jet of blue flame eminating from apparently empty space rampages around the room bumping into everyone before thundering down the tunnel ahead with a rather charming "doppler effect"...

Ah, we seem to have simultaneously solved the mystery of who ate my burrito, what the smell was and the whereabouts of the invisible yak...

* many thuds and shrieks can be heard in the distance...

Well, let's keep going.

*Affy walks through the door, and turns a corner. A few moments later, Affy runs back out, followed by a huge ball of flame*

I've found the dragon. And this is a big one. Probably a magic one. Impervious to magic, fire, most weapons, telekinesis, and the like. Mew turning into a gyrados might take care of it, but the DM's probably water-proofed it.

*An enormous lizard-like head can now be seen trying to poke its way through the door*

Irv, think your green stuff could be used as a fire proofer? Anyone willing to slather themselves with it, and walk into the dragon's firing range?

Well, so far it melts ice and brass, and destroys light sabres. It has shown absolutely no fire proofing effects, whatsoever. Has it?

*irving looks around and notices that, while everyone else seems to have been singed a bit by the yak/burrito/snake/fireball incident, he has remained unharmed, having fallen in a puddle of the goo several posts ago*

Oh, it has. Okay. Well, Peet, I nominate you to try it, first. You're the most highly flamable member of the group, and if this stuff'll fireproof you, it'll fireproof anyone!

*Back on the beach, Chrome is pacing up and down, trying to figure out where his compatriots have got to. Sudenly a gigantic shrieking bird swoops out of the mist and picks Chrome up in its beak. Chrome sees the litle homing device lying on the ground as he is carried away towards some ominous-looking mountains...*

* Muttering and cussing, Peet allows himself to be smothered in green goo...

You know, this dragon is probably the explaination for all the fire buckets, fire axes and firehoses in this section of the dungeon...

*Stifles a chuckle at the goo-smeared Peet*

Okay, now if the test with Peet is successful, then we will need a plan for getting past the dragon, since dragons have more weapons than their fire. The fireproofing will let us get near, but what do we do then?

*thinks*

Perhaps if we all hit it with snowzar blasts simultaneously, it might be enough to freeze him for long enough for us to get past. We could try it, anyway.

OK, Here I go... Could you have a Snowzar ready on "low", just to cool me down afterwards, please? Even if I don't catch fire, it may get warm...

GERRRRRANNNNIUMMMM!!!!!!

* Peet slithers and slops his way round the corner. There is a pause, a long silence, then a strange "CHORTCHORTGOFF" noise starts to reverberate around the dungeon, almost too loud to bear. It is the dragon, choking with laughter...

* Peet shouts back:
Sorry - I meant "Gerrrronnnnimmmo!!!"...

*Affy chances a peak around the corner. The dragon is blasting Peet with flame, and Peet is displaying no ill-signs, other than slight nervousness and shock. Peet decides the test has gone on long enough, and comes back, as does Affy*

Okay, we've found out that the goo works now. Everyone slather yourselves in it, and set your snowzars on infinity. Shoot it at the mouth, the most flamable spot. If we're lucky, the melting of the ice might cause enough water to go down its throat, killing it.

*Affy slathers himself in some of the goo, and arms his snowzar*