h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Aha. The above is a simulpost! Look at how they show up on the tread diagram.

Yes, it is a simulpost. ~he says mysteriously and then disappears~

I assume we're going to wait for Irving to show up.

*puts hand in air*
I'm here!
Alien, how do i get into the weapons lab, i need to talk to you

*starts sending a telepathic signal to help Chrome101 find the weapon's lab*

*Is glad that this ship, unlike the Enterprise, has security cameras in the weapons lab*

I think we might have to wait a bit longer for Irving.

*Thinks*

Garius, until Irving gets back (if that happens before we get back from Zork), double up as navigator, will you? You know enough about Zork and H2G2 to get us there and back.

Okay, now let's see how this ship works.

*Sits in the big, comfy, captain's chair, and flips on the mini-security cameras to the weapons lab, entrances and exits off the ship, and Ten-Forward*

We'll pick up extra crew on the way, just like all of the other big forums. Let's take 'er out! GL, tell the flight computer that we're ready to blast off from Alien's Space Station!

*Wonders why it's so important that weapon's lab has security cameras. Hopes it has nothing to do with her.*

*pops his head round the door to the weapons lab. catches sight of a rather haggard-looking Alien*

Hi! *indicates the Big Gun* You couldn't put some sort of laser-sight/xenon-projector thing on the fornt to make it look flashier - er, I mean, to help my sighting techniques...

*glances up at the monstrous shape towering over them*
Y'know, that giant novelty streo system looks a ~lot~ like a tactical nuclear device. Hee hee, it's even got a working timer...

*suddenly twigs*

*wonders why she's looking haggard*

You want a laser-sight/xenon-projector thing?? I love adjusting Big Guns!! Let's see what I can do...

*starts playing with the gun and is rather surprised to find out all the things she has learned just by becoming the Weapon's Officer*

*gets a feeling she's being watched*

*waves to the security camera*

*continues with the Big Gun*

(and LOL because she just noticed the subject-debate on hangars some time ago...)

*Irving, the great navigator who can tell what part of the galaxy he's in just by glancing at the formations of the meteors, space dust, and other junk which seems plain and uniform to the naked eye, has become hopelessly lost within the space ship. He can't seem to find the bridge. He sits down to think a while, and suddenly realizes which way to go. He shouts:

Eureka!

as he stands up quickly and hits his head on a pipe, giving himself a concusion. His subconsious brain still functions and he psychically notifies the crew that he will be able to navigate them, but only sporatically. He will need an assistant, and he will need to be taken to sickbay, post haste!*

Wouldn't you know it . . . first multiversal trip this ship takes, and looks what happens to the navigator.

*Picks up Irving and carries him to the sickbay*

Okay now, . . . do we have a doctor?

Shouldn't this ship have an Emergency Medical Hologram (with optional 29th century-technology mobile emitter)?

*who has watched all the things going on here, from his Hangar 24, enters the ship*
err ... I saw that your navigator is a bit sick ... and ... I'm not as good as he, but maybe I could help at the outlook ...

Thanks, you're hired as first assistant navigator.

*Leaves Irving in sickbay, wondering how he forgot about the EMH*

EMH, treat Irving.

EMH-What symptoms?

Affy-Big bonk on the head.

*Wanders back to bridge*

Okay, are we about ready?

*In the meantime, Davius has somehow duct-taped himself securely to the wall*

Sure. Any time you're ready.

Ready. For what??

*hands Chrome101 his improved Big Gun and walks to the bridge*

Davius, is there some practical reason for you to be duct-taped on the wall?

*Frees Davius from the wall and takes co-captain's chair. Notices that a course has been entered in the Navigation computer. Painstakingly works through pre-flight checks. All systems appear to have been repaired satisfactorily.*

Right, Captain. We're ready for launch.

*Suddenly feels hungry*

*Pops the improved Big Gun into his shoulder holster. A steely look of determination glints in his eye, or is it just a particle of space dust?*
[intercom]Engineer Chrome101 powering up the engines, sir![/intercom]
*A deep thrumm fills the air, gradually rising in pitch as Chrome101 adjusts several important-looking switches*

*Puts on sunglasses* Ready to rock, cap'n!

In that case TAKE US OUT!

*All interior airlocks finally seal themselve closed as the outer airlocks open. Fortunately, all items in Hangar 42 are secured, except for the case of lemon meurangue(?) pies, which floats outwards. The fleet of ships from Crater Labs, Inc. on the diplomatic mission to the Zork universe blasts off from the Hangar*

STATION DOCK MASTER-Crater Labs, have a safe voyage, return safely, and may the stars be your guide.

Well, now that we've finally gotten out of there, here's the immediate flight plan. We fly through the H2G2 cosmos, passing through a neutral system (Risa) and a friendly system (Vorticon). Unfortunately, we then pass through the first dangerous system. It is owned by the Rodentars, mouse-like entities who are hostile towards H2G2 ever since Crater Labs, Inc. first got angry for the copy right infringing name of Retarc Labs, a company that makes inferior machines and technologies, and sells them for the wrong prices. I imagine that we should get through their system easily, but just be prepared.

Hey! The duct tape was my (rather zany, but very effective) 'seat belt'! Good thing I grabbed that console. (And it's spelled meringue. Obviously a word of French origin.)

Just wondering: does this ship have infinite improbability drive for emergencies?

*Glances at various displays and readouts. Looks out the window, sees Mt. SandEverest far below, blossoming with greenery.*

Hey, I think I can see my house from here!