h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Weapon's Officer - that's me!!!!! Please?!?!?

If Tery Jones drops by, tell him that the position of "Parrot" is still open.

What, exactly, does the position of Security Officer entail? And what sort of weapons would I get with that position?

~Irving

Apparently I'm already armed with simulposts!

Now it was you! Usually it's me to take too long time to write something and someone already has said something else and my post seems irrelevant... But simulposts as weapons - there's an idea...

*runs to get some shovels hoping that she -can- be the weapon's officer*

I do that all the time

Maybe you should be both weapons and security? They seem to fit together

Well, I think Alien should be weapons officer and Irv can double as security officer, if he wants. All subject to the Captain's approval, ov course. The security officer looks after security on the ship - runs the brig, handles disciple problems, etc.You can have your choice of weapons, but the best-dressed security officers, these days, carries a Crater Labs Snowzar, which can be set to freeze the target for times from a few minutes to infinity. If you can handle it, Crater Labs also has a few Mark II Acid Sleetzars which have a similar effect on the target, but can be set to melt mode, where they freeze, then ... um ... melt the target.

Oh, I forgot to describe the duties/perks of the weapons officer. She gets to sit at the weapons console on the bridge and controls all of the external weapons on the ship. The console also has lots of scanners and things to get info about the target. The weapons officer is also in charge of the weapons lab, where new weapons are developed as needed.

Maybe I ought to be the engineer instead...

No need, I'll be the engineer. i am qualifed, if you must know...

Also, I can be Ship's Cook. It might sound rubbish, but you won't believe the meals I can rustle up from space weevils and suchlike...

In that case, I'll be the Navigator, and the Communications officer. I decided I didn't want to be the Security officer, not really.

~Irving

Hi guys! Mind if I come along? I'll bring my ancient copy of Infidel...

Objection!! Chrome101, as a member of the CoTW I cannot accept eating innocent space weevils...

Where's the weapon's lab? I could do some modifications to these shovels while waiting the rest of the crew... Hopefully we'll get into nice bloody melee kombats too... What am I saying?? I meant that... that... that hopefully we avoid all the situations in which we might have to harm other life forms... --- ... ? ... *decides to seal herself into the weapon's lab and shut up*

The weapons lab is one level up and forward. It was in a similar weapons lab that I developed the Mark II Acid Sleetzar. I needed to use it before it was quite done and I had to duct-tape the handle. Lots of fond memories ...

Glad to have you aboard, Davius. Check the jobs list a few posts ago to see what job you would like to take on. Or make up your own job. Right now, I think I could use some help from the engineering department to double check all systems. I have found some damage and am begining to suspect sabotage. We don't have a security officer yet, so we will have to investigate ourselves. I'm heading down to the transporter room to check the equipment there.

Come on, Ampton - I'm going to need your help too.

*Walks off bridge to the elevators*

Perhaps this is a job for the Holistic Detective???

Perhaps this is a job for the Big Gun!

*Holds it up, it's barrel gleams in the light. A weird smile plays across Chrome101's lips, and other parts of his body.*
Let's play!

You want to play? I think I shall now move to the other side of the bridge.

Let's see... what job would entail cool little technotoys as well as wantonly blowing things up? Security officer sounds like a pretty close match. Anything is fine so long as I get to go on lots of dangerous away missions.

Incidentally, Chrome101, exactly how much does that gun weigh?!

I suppose that the downside of being the navigations/communications officer is that I would have to stay with the ship. Oh well. Someone has to stay with the ship!

~sneaks out from behind control panel, wires in hand, making quite sure to stay out of Irvine's sight. Stealthily the masked man makes his way into another area of the ship, disappearing~

In case you haven't yet figured it out Green Jester is playing the role of Afgncaap5. All posts have been approved by Afgncaap5. Have a nice day.

*Affy's eyes open quickly. He'd felt it. Someone tampering with the system. Quickly, he jumps from the meditation pad on the floor of his Ready Room, and bounds outwards*


We have an intruder! The cause of the problem is . . . moving to the . . . ah, yes! Crew, stay on the lookout!


*Pulls out all of his old remnants from Zork, including an elvish cloak of stealth. Pulls out the AIMFIZ scroll, and teleports to the intruder*

There! You! You're supposed to be in Damogran! And all the time, I suspected Ampton! I'm so wracked with guilt . . . anyway, state your reason for tampering with my fleet!

"Well you see, Captain A"
The fake Santy Clause lied
"There's a light on this panel
That won't light on one side.
So I'm taking it back to my workshop,
My dear,
I'll fix it up there, and I'll bring it
Back here."

You know, that sounds so much more convincing when Boris Karlov is saying it.

Honestly, I just do bad things. I'm a villanous yet loveable rouge. It's in my contract.

/Red