h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I assume all of us were tortured by the music, not just YK and YC, who actually pushed it.


[YC] [woozy, high-pitched] ... Sorry ...

Yes, sorry about that. I miniaturized some of the circuits from a polka gun and used them in the CommRings. The CommRings work well, except for a few side effects. I used some other technology, too, so there could be other side effects. I did manage to isolate the side effects enough so that they only happen when you press the sapphire, but I didn't have time to work out how to get rid of them completely.

*GL looks at Affy*
Do you think the mouse has dumped it's disk yet?

[Link] Yuck.

[YK] Well, even if it hasn't, then when he uses the one he doesn't have, he'll go straight to where the mouse is, won't he?

[Zelda] One word: walking.

[Mackenzie] A minute of walking is better than two of waiting.

*Lil, being notably claustrophobic, is still outside, working around the edges of the dig with the sieve and a trowel*
*There is a CHINK noise as the trowel hits something metallic. Lil grabs the little broom and sweeps sand away from the artifact*

Ewww, that is SO 70's. *holds up a medallion on a rather chunky chain.
The medallion is enamelled with a yin-yang pattern, with a diamond in the black part and a ruby in the white part*

*Lil drapes the medallion around her neck and goes on working*

*GL decides that the mouse has had enough time to drop its disk. GL drops his disk and it seats itself on the floor with a barely-audible click. GL takes a deep breath and steps onto the disk. There is a brief, disorienting period as everything goes black and then suddenly, GL finds himself in a dimly-lit room, filled with piles of discarded items. There are several rusting disfunctional mice in repair bays and an incinerator chute in one corner. It appears that whatever was supposed to put the trash in the chute is not functioning, since the room is full of small piles of junk. GL begins to seach the piles for anything interesting.*

[YK materializes on the disk and steps off]
[YC materializes on the disk and steps off]
[YQ materializes on the disk and steps off]
[Link materializes on the disk and steps off]
[Zelda materializes on the disk and steps off]
[Mackenzie materializes on the disk and steps off]
[Nerfal materializes on the disk and steps off]
[Flamingeaux materializes on the disk and steps off, just for the hell of it]

Hi guys! Help me search through this trash, will you. There is likely some interesting bits of technology here, not to mention treasure.

*GL triumphantly holds up a pearl necklace that he has just found.*

[YK] Oo, lookie! A Titanium Record of The King's greatest hits!

[YC] Wow. "Heartbreak Hotel", "Jailhouse Rock", "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog" ... Hoopy!

*Under a wide sky, Lil is sieving sand and scoring lots of small clear, faceted crystal beads, which she transfers to her carry belt*

*she stands up and looks around. There is no longer any sign of movement anywhere except for a pair of eagles very high up, circling. She stops and takes a long drink from her water bottle, straightens her sun hat, and squats down again to dig*

[YK] And here's a ... wow! A receipt from Magrathea!

[YC] Mag -- what!?

[YQ] Oh, wow!

[Mackenzie] This is cool!

[Link] What's Magrathea?

[Nerfal] World that used to make luxury planets.

[Zelda] And who's Elvis? [recieves half a dozen amazed stares]

*Affy, who followed GL onto the disk, has a confused look on his face*

Guys? Am I the only one here who's a bit concerned about this? I mean, this is an Althian space ship, with the technology from Starcross, not to mention what looks like a variation of the IC technology that we installed in Lil's refridgerater, and al indications seem to say that this ship was owned by Elvis. I mean, I've got no doubt in my mind that within a few years of touring the galaxy he could afford it, but I'm just a little confused as to why no one in the Galaxy has heard about it until now. Also, did you notice that...

*Gets several exhausted glares*

Sorry.

*Affy pokes around the garbage a bit, and discovers a mauve colored crystalline rod of some sort*

My. This is strange.

*Affy would comment on the rod further, but he accidentally touches what appears to be an old security moniter. It blinks on for a second, showing two staticky shadows, before blinking off again*

Okay, *that* is strange.

*jumps back as the sand shifts under her feet*
*there is a humming noise and a thin rod extrudes itself out of the ground at an angle*
*What looks like an antenna stops at about 5 feet, and the humming ceases*

*GL also saw the shadows on the monitor.*

What do you think that was, Affy? It was gone too quickly for me to make it out properly, but I imagined I saw a big person carrying a bowl of some sort. You know, if I didn't know better, I might think that it was ... naw, couldn't be.

*GL pokes around some more and comes up with a box of guitar picks. He opens the box and finds that each one is engraved with EP in gold leaf.*

Hoooeeeee. Treasure indeed!!!!! This is worth a fortune.

[Link opens a treasure chest, which glows inside. He leans halfway into it and pulls out something. He raises his hands and, with a short fanfare, a small anti-grav unit appears above his head]

*As Lil watches, the end of the antenna-thing suddenly blossoms into a small dish with a complicated mechanism nested in the middle, mounted on a gimbal of some kind*

*the mechanism commences to hum, and a pattern of little red lights begin to blink*

Uh-oh. I think ET is phoning home. *gropes for the ring given to her by Garius and pushes on the stone* Garius? Come in Garius! There's a...

*her voice trails off as she happens to glance down. Sand has shifted in response to the movement of the antenna, and several bleached human ribs have become visible*

*GL looks at his ring in puzzlement and taps it*

Lil? Lil? Are you there? (tap, tap) Are you okay? Come in, Lil. (tap, tap)

*GL looks around worriedly.*

[YK] I have a bad feeling about this.

[Link] I think someone's set off a security system.

[Navi] Hey!

[Link] What?

[Navi] {There's a funny feeling here! Like we're being watched...}

*hearing GL's voice brings Lil back to attention*

Garius, sorry about that. I think I have proof that Elvis is dead. Bones here. But that's not the problem. I want to let you know that some kind of antenna has come out of the hull and appears to be transmitting.

*Thinks about this*

Hey, guys, if this is transmitting, I've got some good news and bad news. It'll most likely alert GUMA (the Galactic Uranium Martian Agency) that there's a crashed ship here, and when the ship comes, we'll be able to prove that we found the ship first. On the other hand, I don't know how advanced Earth is registered as under their records (they aren't very accurate sometimes), and they may underestimate the kind of sensor technology that Area 51 could afford. The last thing we need on our records is some kind of notice about our inadvertantly alerting the existence of ETs to any humans who don't already know. Granted, there are humans who know, but most of them are on h2g2 already. And technically speaking, h2g2 isn't exactly away from Earth, it's just...but enough of that.

*Taps his ring*

Lil, if at all possible, try to shut down the antenna. We could get in serious legal trouble, or worse. I'll see if I can figure something out down here.