h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*unable to keep the dreamy smile off her face, Lil picks up a small broom and joins in the dig, sweeping the surface of the artifact clean.*

*lettering of some kind emerges from under the dust*

[In the Althian alphabet it clearly says SLEY]

[YK] "Sley"?

[YQ] There must be more before it.

[Mackenzie] Could it ... ? No, never mind.

*GL begins to hum "Heartbreak hotel" as he digs.*

*Sits down for a snooze*

[YK concentrates on the bit that the writing is on]

*waits for YK to do a bit more of the grunt work, then leans back in with the whisk broom*

RESLEY

Dang. There's a big black scorch mark. Anybody here got high UV discrimination? If not, we'll have to photograph it so I can do a digital restoration...

[YC] Well, I just happen to have a scanning device of that sort here. [hands it to Lil]

*WM takes a break from digging and walks around the other side of the tube to watch the developments.*

Thank you!
*Lil examines the device curiously*
I'm not familiar with this. YK, why don't you do the scan -- make it 64 bits deep and 1200 dpi, please -- and then I'll look at the image. Use your judgement for how much area you want to cover.

*Switches to humming "Hound dog", but soon gets tired of it and switches to "Love me Tender".*

[YK makes a scan, prints it out, and hands the paper to Lil. It has the letter "P" on it]

*Breaks out singing "Don't be Cruel" and segues (sp?) into "Return to Sender"*

Thanks for the blow-up of that portion.
*Applies entire image to scrutiny, and begins working on area around the large letters*

I think this says "Farewell Tour". Look -- what does it look like to you?

[YK] Hey, don't look at me, for all I know it might be "Falwell Tear."

*snores, gently*

*Starts singing "Suspicious minds", then stops abruptly.*

Hey. What's going on here? Why am I singing these old songs? Something funny is going on. I am very, um, suspicious. In my, er, mind. Hmmmm.

*Blinks a few times, shakes head. Shrugs and continues digging.*

There is a strong energy eminating from this thing. Oh, look! I think I am starting to uncover some sort of hatch.

[YK clears the hatchway and without hesitation opens it up and gets in]

[Mackenzie] [climbing down after him] Hey wait!

[YK] [inside] Whoa...

[Mackenzie] [looking in] What?

[YK] [inside] It's all dark in here.

[Mackenzie makes a noise that can be freely translated as "I want to strangle him." This is a /very/ free translation, you know. YK arms his lightsaber, and with a /kssr/ noise a cyan (light blue) glow emanates from the hatch]

*In the glow of the lightsabre, can be seen a relatively small chamber, packed with clothes and jewelry. There are dozens of large gold rings encrusted with jewels, miles of gold necklace chains (some with large gold medallions), boxes of gold and silver cuff links. There is also a pile of strange flat discs made of gold. The clothes at first appear alien, since they are in weird styles - many are covered in rhinestones and sequins - and they vary in size from "lean" to "corpulent". In one corner stands a pair of blue suede shoes with a small sign in front of them. The sign reads: step on these and die.*

Hoooeeeee. Treasure!!!!

*GL plunges his hands into a chest of jewels and lets them trickle through his fingers, while laughing maniacally. He finally gets hold of himself and takes a careful look around the chamber. Behind a curtain at the far end, he finds a door. The door has no handle and no visible means of opening. Beside the door is a small panel with a numberpad. Above the panel is the question: How many gold, platinum or multi-platinum albums, singles or EP's.*

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It amazes me how low some can sink