h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And just where is Affy?

(exactly the same link I used )

*GL punches in 131 and the door flickers then disappears*

Ooooooo. Cool!

*GL walks through the doorway, into a hallway that curves out of sight in both directions. GL sets off walking to his right and after about 5 minutes arrives back where he started, from the other direction.*

Hmmm. A circular hallway. But much bigger in diameter than this ship is on the outside. Must be some alien technology that allows the inside dimensions to be bigger than the outside dimensions. Well, there were lots of doors along the hallway and one that looked like an elevator. Time to explore, I think. But first, we should all have a ring radio so that we can keep in contact if we get separated.
*Pulls a handfull of CLI ring radios out of his pocket and distributes one to everyone.*

The ring has several functions, including a small homing device. Just push the ruby if you want to transmit. But whatever you do, don't push the sapphire.

*Nods as she puts on her ring.*

Okay, but how come every CLI product has got something you're not supposed to push? Or is that a corporate secret?

*Figures one of YK's crew will demonstrate the effects of pushing the sapphire and decides to stay well clear of them.*

*decides to string the ring on the chain round her neck because otherwise she will inevitably knock the sapphire against something*

[YK goes into a side corridor. He goes down it and into a storage room, filled with Elvis-related boxes. He doesn't find anything that is very interesting, but a top hat on the floor catches his attention]

[YK] [slowly] Hello. What's that?

[He walks over to the hat and nudges it. He taps it on the top. To his surprise, the top hat jumps upward, and out of it pops a five-foot-tall pink flamingo that at first appears to be a plush doll but breaks this theory by racing around the room, knocking under YK, and racing around]

[YK] YAAA! [rides the flamingo around]

[Cut to YC, YQ, and the others. YC has an Indiana Jones hat on]

[YC] Bloody fool, he's touched the blue sequin. [He sees YK, riding the five-foot flamingo, bearing down at him. The hat flies off him in surprise.]

[YK] WHOA!

[The flamingo comes to an abrupt halt. YK is hurled forward and lands in a heap in front of the flamingo. (My character, please!!]

*Puts on ring, and joins the others. *

[YK gets up]

[YK] Ugh.

[Mackenzie] What's up with that??

[YK] Who knows.

[Flamingo] [a voice similar to the Pimple-Faced Kid in "The Simpsons"] My name is Flamingeaux.

[Everyone's jaws drop]

[YK] O ... kay.

Hey, that top hat looks just like the one Frosty the Snowman wears.

*sings*
There must have been some magic
in that old silk hat they found,
For when they placed it on his head,
he began to dance around ...

[YK] No, I don't think it has anything to do with the HAT. It has to do with the rest of him.

[Flamingeaux bops him with his beak]

[YK] GAH! I think I'll keep him...

Sure, fine, go right ahead.

*Turns to Lil and makes circular motions with his index finger around his ear, while rolling his eyes.*

Well, I'm going to go and try the elevator - see if I can find some sort of control room. Hey! I just realized - the lights are on in here and the air is fresh. This ship must still be functioning to some degree. Wonder how long it has been here.

*GL strides off down the corridor to the left. He has the strange sensation of being watched.*

[YK] Stop following GL, Flamingeaux.

[Flamingeaux looks disappointed and obeys YK]

Wow! How big is this thing? And why are the aliens so tacky?

[YK] Maybe it was just Elvis...

*Follows the circular corridor, and finds himself in a hallway stretching north and south, painted entirely yellow. He wanders south, and enters through a small door. Inside is what appears to be a laboratory*

Wow! Look at this stuff! Not much here, but the technology is a bit more than I'd exptectd from an Althian craft. Teleportation disks, a material sphere (just don't let Tonks know about that one ), a gun,...

*The word "Starcross" echoes through his mind, but he ignores it*

Welcome back, Affy!


[YK] [Rather bad Elvis voice] Thank y'darlin'.

*Affy is about to take some of the fancy stuff he sees here, but what looks like a robotic mouse zooms into the room. It picks up one of the teleportation disks, and zips back out. Affy quickly picks up the other disk and the strange gun that was on the wall and chases the mouse in an attempt to get the disk back.

From the entrance, people think they might have heard the door open and close again, but no one saw anything. The occurance is quickly dismissed*

Hey Affy - I just saw a cleaning mouse go by with a blue disk in its waste bin. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? We should try to find ... oh, I see you already found the laboratory and the red disk. Well, we should wait a minute until we are sure he has dumped his bin, then see where the red disk takes us.


In the game Starcross, there are two manhole-sized disks and a cleaning mouse. The disks are transportation disks. You simply drop them on the floor and then when you step on one, you get transported to the other.

[YK] Flamingeaux, will you stop bouncing around like an insane flamingo animatronic?

[Flamingeaux gives YK a funny look]

[YK] Er ... nevermind.

[YC bonks his hand against Flamingeaux, who promptly taps the blue sequin on the comm ring]

[YC] D'OH!

*agrees to whatever is going on*

*The sounds of Weird Al Yankovich playing a polka begin to issue from YK's ring. It increases in volume until YK can barely stand it. At the same time the ring seems to shrink, so that it is impossible to pull off. After an excruciating 45 seconds, the "music" stops and the ring loosens.*

*GL speaks into his CommRing*

Told ya not to press the sapphire. And if you think THAT was bad, you should see some of the other things that can happen if you press the sapphire. I wish I had had time to work all the bugs out of those rings.