h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Incredibly bad.

*hands Red Dog the empty tin can*

You people don't get sarcasm. Part of the world's problem today....You get zero guesses to guess my middle name, because I wouldn't let you cross even if you did!

And why would I want a kitchen sink? I LIVE UNDER WATER!

So. Since you people don't seem to understand concepts such as "back up" or "come back from whence you came" or "you can't go that way" or "no tresspassing", it seems that we'll have to do things the hard way.

*A very large wave of water rises and hurtles towards the raft*

Up, Zomnker, up! Take the raft up!

*by way of experiment, Amos presses a rune on the staff whilst simultaneously flicking it as if casting a lure*

*There is a bright flash as a bolt of ectoplasm shoots forth and broadens out to meet the oncoming wave*

*the bright flash illuminates the whole lake cave and shows that, while the ceiling is very high, the lake is also very deep*

Ghoti, now why would you want our bodies and weapons and raft and such littering your lake?

*Takes the raft up as high as possible*

Exactly, especially when we can help you clean up the lake in exchange for safe passage.

What's more, you never know when you may the help of hardened adventurers to defeat the Dark Side.

*huddles over the empty can*

*snickers at RD, considers tormenting him but decides that now is not the time, what with Ghoti and all*

I've got a few underwater breathing apparati. We can swim down and help you clean!!

As far as I can tell, this sink has air in the taps. Perfectly good for underwater use. And did you say you have a kraken? Why would bother with a silly old tsunami when you could sic a kraken on us?


Now might be a good time to open the umbrella.

*brandishes a full can*

I bet Ghoti wouldn't like this poured in his lake ..... eau de chien rouge

I've been cleaning this lake for years. Your corpses won't be any different.

*The water beneath the raft begins to suddenly rise, supposedly in the hopes of smashing it against the high ceiling*

NO, no, wait!

Surely there is something we can do to convince you we really don't mean any harm?

Just as soon as we've got to the other side, we will leave through the tunnels and you'll never know we've been here!


It would be so nice not to have to get into a fight for once.

*gets out paper and pen, scribbles note to Lil.*

shall we see what the raft can do now?

*Looks through the transparent hull and sees the water rising under the raft. Pulls out his snowzar, aims at the rising water and fires. Frost now covers a 2 foot diameter circle on the hull.*



*Reaches over the side of the raft and fires downwards at the rising water.

Well, it looks like we're gonna have a fight on our hands. Thanks GL!

*lobs the can of eau de chien into the lake and pulls out the Dial-a-gun*

Decisions, decisions, decisions ? What shall it be this time ?

*selects heat beam and fires a trial burst into the lake releasing a blast of steam*

That's it ........ evaporate him

*Sees Red Dog lob the can of Eau de Chien Rouge and can't resist. Fires his snowzar at the arcing can. The shot catches the bottom of the can, sending it spinning. As is spins, yellow snow flutters down onto the lake. GL holds up his snowzar and blows across the muzzle.*

*Ready to move at a moments notice*

*aside to GDZ* Just remember the proper nautical commands if you have to tack across the lake.

I have to assume that water and air are in some sort of equilibrium in this cavern. If we evaporate water, more will come in from the bottom.

*punches at the water with her Bright Green Force Glove*