h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

ummm...

*Affy unsheathes his sword*

Yep. Blue. Bright, too.

*Resheathes his sword, and attempts to subtly set his OmeGauntlet to "Snowzar: 5 Hours"*

*looking at the stuff in the bottom of the boat* Ooh, new inventory!
*picks up the can and tips the contents into the scuppers to see what it is*

Oooo... are you a water spirit?

*eyes shining brightly with interest and hope*

That's not our sink. I distinctly don't remember throwing an old sink in the lake. Take it back! We won't be held responsible.

/* Tries to lift the sink, but it's cast iron and too heavy */

*Looks to see if he has clearance up to to go higher*

Do the masts fold down? *looks at the that fell out of the can*

Am I a Water Spirit? Oh, for the love of....is there an answer that'll make you people head back in the direction that you came from? Never mind....no, I'm no spirit. But unless you people begin to disembark and leave immediately, I can assure you that you all soon will be!

*4 Tentacles comprised entirely of water rise from the lake and quickly move to wrap up the raft*

Capiche?

I refer everyone back to my previous statement about my luck with water....

*collecting her wits up from the bottom of the raft where they had scattered, tries diplomacy*

*smiles in a winning manner, hopefully.*

Hi, I am so sorry if we've intruded, it is purely unintentional. We are just trying to get across your lake.

If we take all this stuff to a recycling centre for you when we get home, can we cross your lake if we promise not to linger?




That sink might be worth something at an architectural salvage site.

*tries to hide her disappointment, sighs*

I'm beginning to think that my distant relatives the sea elves are right - that water spirits have become... become... extinct?

*realized that her arrows won't be of much use, studies the handle of the umbrella*

*there is one button marked open/close and one marked on/off*

*quietly resets nanogun to acetylene torch*

Yes, Water Entity, we will gladly disembark... on the other side.

*Checks his inventory.*

Hmmmm. I can't use my new weapoff, since this creature isn't using any weapons.

Ummmm. My other new weapon isn't appropriate here either.

Errrrr. And Affy is already using a snowzar.

Grrrrr. And Red Dog still has my cane.

*Crosses arms and pouts.*

Afraid none of mine will work.

Injecting a lava flow into the water may have an effect. Probably not a good one, though.

Hmm... didn't we get some kind of built-in water boiler with the upgraded raft? What would happen if we were to extract the heating element and push it into the water?

*continues to at the Entity*

It might not be dangerous, just fed up with tourists and fly tippers.

Very true

*Nudges IAN*

So, do you know what this is? Is it sentient water, or something?

*Leans over and examines the kitchen sink.*

Hmmm. It's in pretty good condition. Oh! What's this? Something stuck in the drain.



Look! Er, it's a lego block.

I don't think any of you quite realize just who or what I am. I was created to guard things, and this lake happens to be one of those things as a Kraken lives here. In that time, I've aquired enough to make me very comfortable in this job.

*A pillar of water rises in the middle of the lake. Upon it rests a treasure chest*

I've got treasure, I've got plenty of fish to keep me company, and I've nearly finished a splendid castle for myself at the bottom. All it lacks is the final slab to be a suitable demesne.

So in short, this is the situation that you're facing: I'm a guardian monster, and you are adventurers or tourists. You want through, and unless you can convince me not to I will destroy you. A little banter, a little slaying, chop chop chop, yadda yadda yadda, and then there's just a big mess to clean up. Do me a favor now and beat it.

And elf girl, if I were you I'd look for water spirits in more spiritual waters. This is just an underground lake. Try Atlantis or Cairo.