h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll come along. But what exactly would I have to do? I adapted my character from 'Grandmatron', a comic-book character my friend created. I can do anything a grandma can, including my Cheek Pinches Of Death. I want to come along, but please, help me out her. You don't train a topiary by setting it ablaze every five minutes.

[Navi] {Stick with the characters in the party. The limit is four per party. The current one consists of:}

LINK (and by extension Navi)
CHRIS TONKS
SAGITTARIUS
GEORGE

[Navi] {This forum will eventually be made into an RPG using RPG Maker 2000. Anyway, use your physical attack (using a weapon of some sort) or a magic spell to attack enemies. You can also use any other devices -- your broomstick for example, or Chris's watch -- in other situations, such as contacting the space station (Chris's watch) or sensing attack (Affy's Sword) or flying (your broomstick). Of course, YK has the authority in this forum. Let situations happen, and if you can contribute to solving the problem, or defeating the enemy, or whatever, do so. But YK calls the shots about the results of your actions.}


[Sagittarius] I'll leave for a bit. I've got something I need to do ...

[He runs off into the woods]

[Link] Well, what we're after is in the tree.

[He goes over and knocks on the side of the trunk]

[Link] /IN/ the tree. We just need to find a way in.

[Navi] {Hey wise guy!}

[Pull back to reveal that, immediately to Link's left, is a large opening in the trunk]

[Link] Ah. This way, beings.

[They enter the Tree.]
http://www.thescifivine.com/~Ted_Lars/link/Tree1.mid

[Link] Stand back. We're likely to meet some more rat-ants, or Deku-Babas, or giant spiders.

[They walk forward. A rat-ant (which is a cross between a rat and an ant), a Deku-Baba, and a spider (six feet long) attack.]

[Link] Eep.

How about this: Let me HELP you by lifting the spiders with the brush end of my broom and flipping them over, exposing their soft, vulnerable underbellies. Can I do that? See then, one of you can actually kill the spiders and be rid of them once and for all(or at least for the next few panels).

/* Zeppo begins chewing on nothing apparent. */

[Navi] {Rat-ants have no real invincibilities, they're just tough; Spiders' weaknesses are their eyes; and you /know/ how to beat Deku Babas.}

[Link] Yup.

[Link swings his sword and the upper half of the Deku Baba falls to the ground. The spider attacks Link and the rat-ant dives at George.]

*The Professor swings round and fires a simple laser at the rat-ant. It presently falls to the floor and leaves George alone, but isn't yet dead...*

[Link's sword connects with the eyes, and the spider jumps back. It then attacks George]

*The Professor then performs a very high somersault in the air (no, really?!), and lands with considerable force in the spider's back, momentarily crushing it to the ground...*
*He leaps off again, turns round, and blasts the arachnid in the eyes with a shot from his Watch...*

/* There is sudden tearing sound in the Majic Forest, as if someone has split their pants, only louder and more profound.

Several pieces of shredded paper start blowing around the forest. If anyone had time to stop and look, they would identify the paper as the chewed and torn pages from the selected poems of Charles Baudelaire. Various other pieces of torn and chewed items begin to litter the forest.

Back in Zork, Zeppo is now alternately chewing and pulling very diligently at what still seems to be nothing. The tearing sound is louder here, and the air is filling with the aroma of coffee beans and old mints that have been at the bottom of someone's purse. */

I get off the ground, a bit annoyed, and hog-tie the spider with black electrical tape.

[Spider: PARALYSED: 50/200 HP]
[Deku-Baba: Defeated]
[Rat-Ant: 10/200 HP]

[Link hits the rat-ant, which fades away.]

Oh, thank goodness for that - I wouldn't want to have used one of my more powerful weapons - it would have caused it a painful death, and we wouldn't want that now would we?

Hang on, I know rat-ants are always attacking us, but is it Krill turning all these other monsters against us, or is it Kramer? Or are they just being freaky because they sense general evilness?

Probably the latter. Rat-ants just tend to inhabit dark places while waiting for an adventurer to come along. They *can* be controlled, but general only by someone who uses magic or has defeated their current leader in combat (after figuring out their language, something that only GL, Affy, BBW, and KL have ever been known to do.)


*Affy continues helping Krill. Neither turns the back to the other one, but Affy checked his sword to make sure that Krill wasn't lying, and Krill has his own ways of making sure others aren't about to double cross him. Affy continues mixing, but is grumbling under his breath*

Krill-What is it?

Affy-Sorry, I'm just a bit tense about working with someone who's tried to do me in on more than one past occasion.

Krill-Oh, bring that up *now*, why don't you?

*They both continue mixing chemicals and loading them into the aerosol containers. After a great deal of time is over, they each have several aerosol containers ready*

Affy-Okay, just remember the deal: we help each other save the Universe, you don't hinder my progress (or the progress of my friends) in our mission to save the forest, and I'll look the other way when you leave, along with the ten percent discount for your next CLI purchase.

KL-I want fifteen percent.

Affy-Oh, alright, fifteen percent. Let's just go

*Affy and KL head out of Affy's hut and continue through the woods. Just for a bit of irony, they pass by the entrance to the giant tree, but pay it no heed as they continue in the direction of the Time Tunnel*

[Link] Now, it seems as though the direction we want to head in is up.

[Sagittarius enters]

[Sagittarius] Done.


KL or Krill, Affy? Anyway, when you get there, you're going to find a device that will make fixing the Time Tunnel much easier.


[Sagittarius] Say, what're those odd-looking stones?

[The stones he is referring to appear to have an eye-symbol painted on them]

[Link] They look like Gossip Stones. Navi?

[Navi flies over to the stones]

/* Zeppo succeeds in chewing through whatever it is that he has been chewing at. In the four and a half months of his life, he has managed to chew through shoes, books, carpeting, wallboard, wood, but he has really outdone himself now.

There is a tremendous ripping sound, loud enough to cause one-third of the population of the universe to check their trousers to make sure they have not split the seams, and another third to glance inquisitively at their neighbor's trousers.

Zeppo has chewed a hole in space. A big one. Big enough at least for a dog to pass through.

Bits and pieces of things that Zeppo has been burying in smaller holes in space now come pouring out on to the lawn in front of the small white house and into the Majic Forest. A frisbee with a hole in the middle like a dougnut rolls past an unusually large tree.

Zeppo jumps through the hole (disappearing from Zork) and follows the scent of old mints, suddenly popping seemingly out of nowhere into the Majic Forest */

*The Professor's Watch speaks...*

{Sir. I have detected Affy near the entrance to the tree.}

Excellent...
Sorry guys, but I have to go and help Affy defeat Krill now. Good look with the spiders and things!

*He then promptly runs out of the tree...*
*Once outside, he looks around. The only thing he sees apart from normal foresty things is dog...*

Oh hello Zeppo! The others are just inside that tree behind me. My, you did create a space-rift didn't you?

*He then patches it up so that nothing else from Zork can get through...*
*Running in the direction his Wat h told him, the Professor eventually spots Affy walking in the distance. Krill is with him*
*Mutters:*

What the planet of hell is Affy doing with /him/! Krill must be up to something, mind control or somewhat.

*The Professor runs up cautiously behind Krill. Krill turns round...*

I think I'll pick up one of those gosip stones. Well, we're in a smelly, rotting tree. What's up there? Next time we enter a portal, can I be closer to the front? Ooh!
*notices small cluster of red mushrooms eminating from the former location of the gosip stone*
I'll take some of these too (picks up clump of mushrooms). These could be usefull, if not a health, low callorie snack.

Gossip Stones are too big to lift, George.


[Navi] {Okay, I'm getting something. Saria was captured by Kramer...}

[Link] What!

[Navi] Hey! {Quiet! And ... she managed to cause a big disturbance in the lab's reactor core. That exploded and Saria turned the explosion into the tree ... and ... and ...}

[Link] What??

[Navi] {Saira /is/ the tree.}

If I can't pick up the stone, then I'll use my titanium broom handle as a lever, raise it a few inches, and grab the mysterous mushroom. And how exactly can a person become a hollow tree? And what is that hanging above me? I can hardly see.(The moisture has fogged my eyeglasses.)

Unless otherwise stated, KL will stand for Krill in this conversation. BTW, I've already got a device that'll make fighting the Time Tunnel easier, but thanks for the consideration.


*Krill turns around and sees the Professor. He motions in the direction that Tonks is running from, and Affy turns to look*

Krill-Something is different about this one's mentality.

Affy-I sense it too. Now remember, don't harm Tonks. But based on this strange turn of events, I'd recommend staying on guard.

Krill-Understood. We're about at the Time Tunnel entrance. Should we continue and wait for him there?

Affy-Okay.

*A few short steps later, they've turned the corner and are in the clearing where the Time Tunnel exists. They both sit on the ground and wait*

Affy-BTW, no hard feelings about the whole Guncho incident, okay?

KL-No, I've gotten over that. Although, I am sorry about the whole Wishbringer scenario. I did need that gem, you know.

Affy-Oh, sure you did. Everyone 'needs' to unleash about twenty of the most infamous villains from Hades every once in a while. But I don't have any hard feelings about Wishbringer.

KL-Ah.

*They wait for Tonks. Affy makes sure to cast the Narwhile spell on the Time Tunnel to make it stay open. He pulls out his aerosol containers, and readies them for the battle*