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As many of you may have noticed, I.C.A.R.U.S. has not been updated in a very long while. It is becoming increasingly unlikely that this will take place any time before the next Ice Age. Therefore, I am issuing this formal statement that I.C.A.R.U.S. is, as of March 1, 2000, officially closed. Anyone who wishes to continue it may do so, but contact me first so I can send you the source of this page and put up a link to re-route people. Thank you.

Welcome to I.C.A.R.U.S.

The mythical Icarus tried to escape imprisonment by flying away. Alas, he flew too close to the sun. His wings melted and he plummeted into the ocean. What does this have to do with us, the modern I.C.A.R.U.S.? We, too are trying to escape imprisonment. Not imprisonment of the body, but of the mind. Our modern culture is full unnecessary things. The instructions on moist towelettes. The phrase "Do Not Lick" on self-stick stamps. These but a few of the signs of the rapidly decreasing IQ of the populace. But there is hope. And that hope is us, the members of I.C.A.R.U.S. And we shall not fall into the sea.

Individuals Crusading Against Rampant Unchecked Stupidity

The above phrase is who we are. That is what our name means. Our dream is that one day, we, the people, will rise above our collective troubles and let the world know that we will not stand for this stupidity. We will not accept things just because someone who claims to be intelligent has told us they are true. We will not buy your food dehydrators and we will not listen to your pseudoscience. We will stand up, and we will tell the world that we already know how to use moist towelettes. We will stand proud, and in that moment, we will win. But we cannot stand up, we cannot declare, and we cannot win. Not without your help. Come. Join us. Fight the good fight.

I.C.A.R.U.S. Members

If you wish to join, just say so. All names will be set down. Eventually.

––Icarus, the Founder of Our Cause



––monshari a.k.a. "monsy"

––Fenchurch M. Mercury


––C. Hawke



––Jim Lynn


––TV's Frink

––Astrodome Goth

––Spanner Grrl




––Marv the Grate


––Cookie Monster

––Sporkulious Eglon

––[email protected]

––Aendr 96810


––Jimi X



––Austin Morris




––Infinity Beeblebrox




––daSilva (Brummie Stereotype #153)





––Lord Xeen

––bluDragon [alias R15304]


––47318-I am a number and not a free man

––Lupa Mirabilis

––Metal Chicken




––The Wisest Fool


––Oh just call me Munchkin then!


––QPR Dave










––gwgllion 71

––Olli san the scuba sheep



––Asteroid Lil

––Sandwich Maker


––Jonathan Brisby (aka Mike A)

––Vice A.A. Jackson (Vice Auriel-Anubis Jackson)2

Member Contributions

This is where our observations of the stupidity around us are set down for all to see.

• Instructions on moist towelettes (Icarus)

• "Do Not Lick" on self-stick stamps (Icarus)

• Infomercials (Icarus)

• Instructions on toothpick packets (Kallahan)

• "Do not use while sleeping", "Do not use in shower" on hairdryers (moshari a.k.a. "monsy")

• "Do not attempt to turn off with bare hands or genitals" on chainsaws (Fenchurch M. Mercury)

• Instructions on airline peanuts (Anadi)

• "Open this side" on candy boxes (Anadi)

• Instructions on soap (monshari a.k.a. "monsy)

• "On" and "Off" on light switches (monshari a.k.a. "monsy)

• "For richer flavor, add more" on a can of coffee (Anadi)

• "Remove teabag when serving" on a box of green tea (Anadi)

• "In case of ingestion, seek medical attention" on WD-40 (Anadi)

• Do not operate the controller with anything other than your hands. Do not operate the controller with, or attach it to; your head, elbows, other bony parts of your body, face or stomach." on Playstation Dual Shock Controller (C. Hawke)

• "Cook for 2 minutes" on noodle packets (Cafram)

• "Place over cut" on Band-Aids (Cafram)

• Instructions on toothpaste (Cafram)>

• A variety of instructions on a motorcycle. See forum for details. (C. Hawke)

• "Coffee and tea are hot" signs in restaurants (monshari a.k.a. "monsy")

This link. (C. Hawke)

• "Not for Human Consumption" on cans of pet food (monshari a.k.a. "monsy")

• "This Product Contains Nuts" on a packet of peanuts (Shazz: f/m??)

• "Not for Internal Use" on shampoo, sunscreen, etc. (Freedom)

• "100% Fat" on a package of Lard. (Jim Lynn)

• "Remove Top Before Using" on a package of pens, "Sharpen before using" on a package of pencils. (monshari a.k.a. "monsy")

• "Remove Before Firing" on missles (Stump.7)

• "Do Not Eat the Large Yellow Mints" in bathrooms (Stump.7)

• "Keep Away From Children and Mice" on a sticky pad designed to catch mice. (monshari a.k.a. "monsy")

• "Kids, if you need help, ask an adult" on Quaker Instant Oatmeal (TV's Frink)

• Kraft Easy Mac has 4-part instructions (Anadi)

• People asking why their calendars aren't Y2K compliant, then asking if there's a way to fix it. (Spanner Grrl)

• "USE SENSIBLY:Use only in normal position (in ear)" (Slug)

• "Open side on top, pour here" on a coffee mug. (kats-eyes)

• "Open before consumption" on a can of Espresso. (kats-eyes)

• Safety videos on airlines flights that show you how use the seatbelt. (MadMunk)

• Ashtrays on non-smoking flights. (MadMunk)

• Warnings telling you not to dispose of batteries in fire. (Marv the Grate)

• Pictograms with slashes through them instead of written warnings. (Marv the Grate)

• "To be delivered by an agent of the Federal Government" on junk mail. (Anonymouse)

• Abridged Dictionaries. (Sporkulious Eglon)

• The Southern Express Way, an Australian bypass that only goes one way at a time and changes about two times a day, causing everybody to get where they're going slower. ([email protected])

• "This Product is Not for Personal Hygiene Use" on Anti-Perspirant. (Aendr 96810)

• "Danger: Sharp Object Inside" On Razor Packets. (Spanner Grrl)

• Publishers Clearing House and the Like. (Anonymouse)

• "For Best Results, Start With Clean Bathroom Before Use" on a Bottle of Bathroom Cleaner. ([email protected])

• "Directions-Open Packet. Eat Nuts." on a Packet of Peanuts. (Taipan)

• "This area is subject to flooding. If you cannot see this sign, Do Not Park Here." on a Sign in a Small Car Park Near a Ferry Port. (Taipan)

This forum entry (Anonymouse)

• A man in a police lineup was asked to repeat the words "Give me all your money or I'll shoot." The man's response was to shout "That's not what I said!" (Jimi X)

• "Do Not Make Illegal Copies of This Disc" on the Windows 98 CD. If you know it's illegal, the warning certainly won't stop you. (heathen)

• "May contain traces of nuts" on a package of peanuts. (WowbaggerTIP)

• "Do not operate heavy machinery after use" on a bottle of children's (under 6) medicine. (WowbaggerTIP)

• "Satisfaction Guarantee: If you are not completely satified, return within 14 days for a full refund" on a time capsule. (Austin Morris)

• Serving Suggestions. (Ormondroyd)

• Nobody on the top of double-decker buses. (Ormondroyd)

• A drunken security man asked a colleague at the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bulletproof vest to see if it would protect him from a knife attack. It didn't. (Merkin)

• Instructions on coffee cans (Bistroist)

• People giving long speeches on things they've already made clear. (Infinity Beeblebrox)

• "Fire generated from this lighter may cause heat" on a lighter. (scullythevampïre)

• "Serve this with food" and "Do not open with teeth" on Champagne. (Frizzychick)

• The "fast" lane of the freeway ending up slower than the "slow" lane. (Whammy)

• "Contents: carrots" on a package of carrots. (Frustreren)

This other link. (Bumblebee)

• On a guitar distort pedal: "When battery power is low, the low battery indicator will light, and distortion may occur." (G)

• "Do not attempt to lift or carry singlehandedly" on a 350 pound soda machine. (Lord Xeen)

"Not less than 100% meat" on a package of pepperoni that contains salt, preservatives, and other non-meat ingredients. (MaW)

• Questions like "Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?" and "Have you ever been convicted on drug charges?" on American Immigration forms. (47318-I am a number and not a free man)

This link to Stupid Warning Labels. (Freedom)

This rather large forum entry. (Lupa Mirabilis)

• Labels that tell you to read the enclosed instructions before buying a closed and sealed container. (Festival)

• "Under penalty of law, this tag not to be removed except by the consumer" on pillow/mattress tags. (God)

• Companies putting handles on doors that require pushing, then failing to put PUSH signs on them, resulting in people PULLing on them fruitlessly. (daSilva (Brummie Stereotype #153))

• "Please make sure the [insert device here] is plugged into an electrical socket" on computer equipment (ajdecon)

• "Please use with non-inflammable candle holders" on a package of candles. (The Wisest Fool)

• "May cause Drowsiness" on sleep aids (Gw7en (the "7" is silent))

• "This is not a toy" on plastic bags. (Chasmo)

• Microwave popcorn comes in plastic that must be removed before use. But the instruction telling you to remove the bag is printed on the paper bag that the popcorn comes in, and it's folded so you can't read it. (adeve)

• "Insert the CD-ROM into the CD-ROM drive" on every set of instructions for CDs. (fyfe)

• Ls-120 "Super floppy" installation guide: "Errors and omissions expected." (Olli san the scuba sheep)

• Instructions of a firework: "Light fuse." (Peregrin)

• Batesville Caskets come with a 50-year guarantee. (Asteroid Lil)

• "Mums $3.33 each or $9.99 for 3" on a sign. (Sandwich Maker)

• In Maryland, it is illegal to take a lion to the movies.

1Not a guide member, but opposed to stupidity anyhow. It's a matter of principle2He actually is a guide member, but only in a vague noncommital sense. He hasn't actually done anything, let alone been on the site since he joined. Please don't harass him.

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