h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The shuttlecraft lands roughly on the center of the Mesa*

*The hatchway opens and Corrupt stumbles out onto the Mesa, then looks around with narrowed eyes and the 'you didn't see that' kind of expression. Not concerned about what the others are doing, she sets off to see what's around, keeping her staff ready for anyone foolish enough to try to stop her.*

[Yar makes a snide comment as he gets off the shuttle.]


[Vegeta] Oh, nice, and we don't get to know what it /was/ in this thread.

*Dr. Greklas and Dr. Sartasmus step off of the shuttle*

Greklas-Nice Mesa....we're about a mile from the main base, you can see it in the distance over there. I suppose that's where we should head.

*There's a slight rumbling for about ten seconds. Dr. Sartasmus looks at the ground then at Greklas*

Sartasmus-I'm so very, very happy that you dragged me into this little deathtrap....

*Corrupt hikes toward the base, trying to keep a good distance between herself and the scientists, though she's not sure what Yar's planning, if anything...*

[Yar waits a moment, then starts jogging towards the base at a speed double that of the others]

[Mog] [trying to keep up] Hey, wait up!

[Yar] Sorry, but something tells me we should get away from the shuttle fairly quickly ...


[Bulma] Insert blatant foreshadowing here!

*Corrupt eyes Yar as he passes her, and she starts jogging to keep up.*

Sartasmus-Don't those two know that it's better to casually walk through stretches of desert?

Greklas-Oh, quiet. That was never really proven.

*The two scientists begin to slowly walk across the top of the Mesa. They don't see the hologram vanish just behind them to reveal a very, very large door appear. The top of the Mesa begins to slide open*

[Yar stops suddenly.]

[Yar] I sense a disturbance in the Force.

[Mog] [looking back] Maybe it was just that door opening behind the scientists.

[Yar] ... Could be.

Door?

*turns around*

Ah. Er...

*runs*

*The scientists turn and look into the door. After a few moments they run, catching up to Yar and Corrupt*

Greklas-We need to get off of this Mesa now!

Sartasmus-Again, thank you very, very, very much for bringing me along on this trip. Really. When I woke up, I was bemoaning just how bereft of danger my life was.

[Yar and Mog resume running.]


[Vegeta] [as Sinistar] "RUN, COWARDS!"


[Yar] I don't suppose we have time to cast some kind of shielding spell?

[Mog] Bah! Casting a spell on each of us would take too much time!

[Yar opens his mouth to speak]

[Mog] And so would summoning Carbuncle!

[Yar closes his mouth.]

*The door seems to be expanding behind them on the Mesa, as if it were designed to expand to whatever length is necessary to accomodate whatever needs to use it. The shuttle has, by now, fallen into the door. The door doesn't proceed any more in the direction of the runners, but it is stretching to about seven miles behind them (it's a big Mesa)*

*Someone in a shimmery, silvery suit climbs up out of the hole, dusts off his suit and looks around, a bit bewildered. He has his back to the hole and waves when he sees the others in the distance ahead of him. He glances over his shoulder and seems undecided whether to join the others or stay where he is.*

*What appears to be a gigantic, egg-shaped shell that bears a striking resemblance to a crustacean rises from the hole. We're talking several miles in each direction, here. On top of the shell is the shuttlecraft, and Affy4 (who is futiley slashing at the creature with his sword)*

*stops abruptly with a dusty screech*

What in the Zork is going on here...?

*stares at the scene, quite puzzled, then turns back to Yar*

Hey Yar! YAAARR! LOOKIT THIS!!

*Affy4 doesn't really seem to notice Garius, Corrupt or Yar. He just keeps hammering away at the hide of the giant thing*


Creature == new Monster;

if Monster.intent == "Perceived hostile" {
Attack(Monster);
}

*GL turns and sees the monster. He puts his hands on his hips and takes a huge breath. His chest and stomache muscles contract as he builds up pressure, using that breath. His face starts to turn red, at least the bits of his face you can see that aren't covered by his supersuit and goggles. The pressure continues to build and build until finally...

A basketball-sized wad of PAG explodes out of his mouth and rockets at supersonic speed towards a spot GL judged to be a weak point in the shell.*

*The wad of PAG slows and eventually simply hangs in mid-air a few feet from the giant shell. Similarly, Affy4 and the shuttle are lifted into the air. The three items are all thrown to the ground, not far from Dr. Greklas (who doesn't even notice due to the giant several cubic-mile monster hovering in the air above everyone)*


I am The Ancient One, travellers. I have spent several millenia incorporating the best biological features of other life forms into my own being. The other members of B.E.T.T.E. have succesfully removed me from my cell, and I am ready to resume my conquest of the cosmos. Remember this horrible day, travellers.

OH YEAH? WELL I BET YOU CAN'T DO THIS!

*GL takes the cartoon about-to-run pose, there is a "pzing" sound and he disappears, only to reappear a second later about 6 inches to the left.*

I JUST RAN AROUND THE ENTIRE ASTEROID 42 TIMES!