h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy4 follows, but looks back to watch*

Affy4-It appears that Garius has triumphed in his first labor! Huzzah!

That somehow doesn't reassure me that he's going to *win*, Affy...

*jogs toward the looming base*

Hmmm... I wonder how well this place's security is to someone trying to get *in*...

*Affy4 easily keeps pace*

Affy4-Difficult to tell. If what the great destructive squid told me is true, then we are passed most of the initial barriers to an entrance. Also, this dungeon of darkness would definitely have been designed to prevent escapes. It is possible that if the cells are thought to be indestructable, the rest of the security could be lax in order to allow easier access for the guards. However, while this would make financial sense, it would not be the most practical plan over time.

Well, given that most people who'd build prisons are more concerned with saving money--

*Corrupt and Affy reach the heavily-fortified-looking base with a door conveniently placed directly in front of them. Corrupt starts tugging on it...*

*The door opens*


Hang on, lemme post a URL....

*The door leads to F127150?thread=344520*

[Yar silently follows them. Mog stays behind to watch the competition.]

[Mog] Ooh, do the "Homestar Talker" next!

*Affy4 goes through the door*

*GL glances around and sees a boulder twice his size. He walks over to it, picks it up and spins it on his index finger like a basketball.*

How's that? I assume if you lift a heavier one, I get to try again and we keep going until one of us can't lift something. This could take a long time. Perhaps a better test of strength would be a tug of war, if we could find a rope or cable strong enough to withstand the force of both of us pulling on it.

Anyway, it's your turn.

By the way, if we need a tie-breaker task, I know just the thing.

Puppet-Very well then, mortal. Keep it in mind, for a tie breaker will be needed!

*The Puppet looks for a larger rock (by about two inches in diameter). He easily lifts the stone over his head*

Puppet-We may have to take this off of the Mesa top and closer to the prison's main facilities. We are, after all, not going to find quite as many boulders up here as down there.

[Mog] Hmm ... this stone thing reminds me ... If God is supposed to be all-powerful ... could He microwave a burrito so hot He couldn't eat it?

Dr. Greklas-Short answer: yes with an if. Long answer: no with a but.

*GL hunts around until he finds a boulder that looks to be bigger than the last one the puppet lifted. He picks it up and brings it over to where the puppet is still standing.*

I'm not sure if this one is heavier or not.

*GL picks up the new boulder in one hand and the puppet's boulder in the other and weighs them against each other.*

Yup, it's heavier. Your turn.

*The forehead of GL's supersuit appears to be becoming a little damp*

*The Puppet picks up the two boulders that GL had just been holding, and balances them on one hand (quite the impressive feet). He then picks up another boulder, and balances that on top of the two others. Picking up a fourth boulder, he juggles the four boulders a bit (though not in an impressive fashion) so that he is holding two boulders in each hand. It's hard to tell, but the Puppet may very well be straining a bit*

*GL swallows hard, but otherwise trys to remain nonchalant. He carefully stacks the 4 boulders on the ground in 2 piles of two, then crouches and reaches his arms as far around the bottom two as he can. Slowly, he stands up. Then, he kicks at a fist-sized rock until he can get his toe under it, and then flips it on top of the 4 rocks he is holding. When it lands on top, he staggers a bit, but then steadies himself before dropping the load. His face is decidedly red.*

There . Your turn.

*The Puppet oggles at the load that Garius is carrying, and looks around for another suitably large boulder. At first he can't see any, but then notices that Garius is actually standing on a very, very, very large and flat boulder (it would make a good skipping stone for a large giant)*

Puppet-Don't move.

*The Puppet bends down, finds a few good handholds on the side of the boulder and tilts it a bit (not enough to cause GL to lose his balance). The Puppet quickly begins tunneling under this slight opening, creating a very, very small tunnel of sorts, so that he winds up roughly in the center of the large, plate-like boulder. Straining, the Puppet attempts to stand with the giant flat boulder carrying Garius carrying four giant boulders carrying one fist-sized boulder. The Puppet is shaking from the effort, but he manages to hold the entire weight*

Puppet-There...piece of........cake....

That's exactly what I'm after - a piece of cake. Chocolate layer, to be exact.

Now how the heck am I supposed to beat that lift? I don't see anything around that is heavier. So, even though I'm sure I could lift more...

*The pop-up display chooses this moment to pop up with the single word "Ha!"*

...er, yes, more, uh, I think I will concede this contest to you. But only since there isn't anything heavier around, you understand.

*GL gives a mighty heave and throws his 4 boulders and a rock about 10 feet away. He then jumps down from the boulder he is standing on.*

So, we go to the tie-breaker round, then. Before I make my suggestion for what that task should be, I want to be clear that this best of three contest is based on physical prowess, unaided by mentalics. In other words, your puppet must use his physical body to best me, with no telekinesis. Using your brain is fine, but not to cause physical reactions. That IS the nature of this contest, isn't it?

*The Puppet, releaved at only having to carry the very large fragment of boulder with nothing on it, smiles to himself and hurls the boulder like a frisbee. It probably lands on the other side of the Aseroid*

Puppet-Agreed. No mentalics shall be used, nor shall I attempt any arts magical or alchemical during the contest. Now then, you have bested me in speed and I have bested you in strength. So, what matter of contest do you have in mind for the final challenge?

Greklas-*Whispered to Mog* This is fantastic! The Ancient One is the most bluntly powerful member of B.E.T.T.E.! If Garius wins the third competition, then The Ancient One will help him! Ergo, our group of scientists won't have to break our deal with either B.E.T.T.E. OR with you adventurers!

[Mog] [oblivious to any negative implications] Really? Cool!