h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The giant shell "faces" Garius, seemingly observing him carefully*

Ancient One-

Oh, er, uh, sure!

Uh, I'm not much into destruction, per se, but perhaps a test of strength would be okay.

*tries to peer under the shell*

Er, arm wrestling?

Ancient One-<*Telepathic chuckle* No limbs. Note that my shell is air-tight, it needs to be to support space travel. It only opens when I need to allow entities an entrance or exit. I propel myself through the cosmos via telekinesis, and I create shielding through the same manner. It's easy when one's gray matter is comprised of thousands of contributers from hundreds of cultures. If you must insist upon an endeavor that requires physical work more suited to your body, then perhaps an arrangement can be made. I can clone body parts from the various creatures that I have absorbed, merge the best body parts together into a super entity, and control that entity as a puppet through telepathy.

Now then, there's no point to a contest if nothing is at stake. If you find my proposed Frankensteinian Puppet Clone to be an acceptable opponent, and I defeat you in a contest with it, you will be absorbed into me with your intellect minutely boosting mine and that shiny exoskeleton of yours added to my protective covering. If I lose,....what should I concede if I lose?>

[Yar] Now /there's/ a question ...


[Trunks] He's thinking of just blasting the thing to bits, I just know it.

Hmmmmmm. Omnipotent, indestructable, all-powerful being versus puny, weak scientist-adventurer in a supersuit...

Piece of cake.


Okay, if you lose, then you will help us in our quest to find Affy, even if that means fighting against B.E.T.T.E.

Oh, and you'll bake us a cake. I've just had a craving for a piece of chocolate layer cake.

*An uncomfortable amount of telepathic anger is generated by The Ancient One, and can be felt by all present*

The Ancient One-

*Just a second later, The Ancient One's puppet appears. It is approximately seven feet tall. It's main body and head are reptillian, not unlike a triceratops (if a triceratops had been carnivorous). It has two long feet similar to that of a jaguar, but two shorter feet (that aren't touching the ground at the moment) that look similar to those of a rhino or elephant. Its arms like an ape's on steroids, but with two thumbs along with the other digits. Two massive wings are on the puppet's back, though they are not nearly large enough to permit flight (though it isn't inconceivable that it could comfortably glide for quite a way). Finally, it has a very serpentine tail*

Puppet-Now then, I believe that this form will prove to be better suited to facing you in physical competitions. Shall we go for, say, the best of three matches?

Best of three? Oh, sure. Why not.

*The pop-up display pops up in mid-air in front of GL, startling him. Numbers flash to the right of the puppet, while a red outline is drawn around it. The red outline is filled in with green, then violet. Numbers appear to the left, representing some sort of statistics. A line of text appears above the puppet: "This doesn't look good"*

*Corrupt shakes her head at the proceedings, then turns to Affy4.*

I'm never going to get *anywhere* at this rate. Would you like to join me on an adventure, Affy?

Affy4-Adventure? Prithee, lady, what form of jaunt hast thou planned? One more valorriffic than facing this great beast and his puppet-spawn? If your intended quest is indeed more difficult or exhillerating, then I dares't not miss it!

Well, it seems that this adventure is already taken, you know? But I, I am on a most noble quest to rescue several unfortunate souls who have inadvertently been trapped in a prison of sorts. See, there, in the distance? And it is only one part of a greater quest that I am trying to unravel... art thou interested? If not, I must not tarry and go on alone.

Hey shell guy! I have a question.

Will you be helping the puppet once we get going? I mean, if you see something coming that the puppet doesn't, will you tell him? If so, then it is really two against one. To be fair, now that you have created the puppet, it should act independantly from you for the course of the contest.

The Puppet-*To Garius* I have transferred sentiency to this body. My other form is simply a shell. I receive no warnings from it, nor will it intervene to assist me in any physical or mental way. In a sense, YOU have an advantage in that your thoughts occur instantly while mine have to be telepathically sent from my brain, to the brain of my true form, and back to me. The lag won't be noticeable, but it is a bit difficult to keep up.

Affy4-*To Corrupt* Your wisdom is sound, lady. It would not give honor to me to steal his thunder. I shall join you in your quest to the prison.

*Dr. Greklas and Dr. Sartasmus, meanwhile, have been simply watching and blinking for about seven posts now (estimate)*

[Yar just stands there, smirking slightly.]


[Vegeta] [as Yar's brain] "Ha! Now I /know/ I'm gonna blow something up!

Okay, that sounds reasonable. So, what constitutes winning a round?

Puppet-That shall depend on the task given. If you choose a race around the asteroid, the winner will be the first to return here. If you choose a contest of strength, the winner would be the one who can lift the most, or topple the largest object, etc. What do you feel would be an appropriate first of our three challenges?

Oh, I see. Well, why not a race around the asteroid to start. First one to do 42 laps is the winner.

*Takes his cartoon, ready-to-run pose*

Ready?

*The Puppet nods and enters a preparatory stance*

Ready...set...GO!

*there is a pzing sound, followed by GL flickering briefly, but apparently not moving.*

There. I even did an extra lap just for fun.

*The Puppet isn't around to hear the remarks however. It's gone for about ten seconds before appearing in place, followed briefly by a huge gust of wind*

Puppet-42 laps, though it took me longer than anticipated. The strength-sappers of this world are causing me to act slower than I otherwise would. Still, even at full speed I doubt that I could move as fast as you did earlier, so I shall concede the match to you. For our next match, perhaps one of physical strength? Plenty of very dense boulders around for lifting. Since you won the last match, I'll let you go first: lift as much as you possibly can and still hold it in the air. I will then attempt to lift a heavier weight.

*Corrupt heads off to the prison with her new companion, flatly ignoring the competition taking place.*