h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Pan-So, anyone wanna start placing wagers on who they think'll win this thing?

Death-Bass and Treble.

Q-You're kidding me! I'm routing for either Garius, Witty, or Caer.

Thor-Lil will prevail here.

Pan-You know, I was thinking either her or Yar,....

Nilrem-Nah, it's gonna be The Masque! Especially if he learns that Kudos is in on the hunt....hmmm, Kudos might have a shot if he starts movin'....

FACE-*Casually turns on another monitor for the other pan-dimensional entities to see* Anyone consider this guy? I mean, he doesn't even know that he's on the trail of the quest yet, but he's been constantly underfoot ever since roughly the same time as the Coalition Of Terror cameo a while back.

*A few "moments" of silence pass before everyone except for FACE begin arguing with each other even more strenuously about their wagers*

FACE- Another gig like this, and I could set myself up for the entertainment monopoly in the Pan Dimension! Just need a little more pzazz to make it a bit more interesting....

[Vader] I find this lack of faith in Mog inevitable.


[Bass and Treble suddenly appear with whatever teleport effect Affy feels like.]

[Yar] I'm going out on a limb, but I'd say I don't think you have too long to wait.

*appears in the designated effect and takes in her surroundings. She goes over to the monitor to look for clues and reads the contract*

Hey. This is void until I agree to it. I live upstairs from CLI and I have a rider on all contracts to veto any activity that might be detrimental to clean towels on the upper floor.

Witty! Garius! Yar! Good to see you. We've met an interesting person called Trinstar. He's a dead ringer for Affy.

[Bulma] He's not quite dead!


[Mog] Oh, dear, we're rejoining again. Or something.

[Bass] Stuff it, furball.

Good to see you safe and sound, Lil. I trust the rest will be along shortly, then.

Did you have time for a break?.

I always have time for a cup of tea. Who are these people? Could you introduce me? It's only proper, for tea I mean.

Lil, allow me to present the 'gentlemen' that are in charge of this facility. They are *indicates each in turn*, Arithmancer, Greklas, Harvey and Greg. There is also someome called Sartamus, whom we have yet to meet.

Gentlemen, this is Asteroid Lil, Bass and Treble.

*steps out of the teleporter doobrey*

This doesn't look much more salubrious than the other place. At least it isn't Woking bus station on a wet Tuesday evening.

Hey, it's great to see you guys again!

How are the other geezers?

[Bulma] [as Lil] "Oh, geezing, as always ..."

That was meant to be 'who are the other geezers'

Dr. Sartasmus is following us and should be here momentarily.

*to Arithmancer, Greklas, Harvey and Greg* Charmed. Caerwynn, Arithmancer, Greklas, Harvey, Greg. Gentlemen, this is another of Affie's Angels, Caerwynn.


I could murder a cookie or two.

How do you do? Pleased to meet you

*ferckles in a pocket or three*

Abernethy biscuit Lil?


http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/reviews.php3
<?ooc>

Harvey-Here, I can get some stuff for us....FRITZ! MORE TEA! AND COOKIES!!!!!

*The hunchbacked assistant lumbers in followed by Sam, the Frankensteinian monster, both carrying more than enough tea and cookies to last for a while*

Harvey-Now then, it's certainly nice to meet the rest of you. So, sounds like you people "enjoyed" the little tour of Sartasmus' Crypt then, eh?

Greklas-A pleasure to meet you all.

Arithmancer-Yes, a pleasure. Our sincerest apologies for the somewhat rude reception that you received. I'm not sure how much you know, but we were expecting your party to be members of a review board meant to look over our respective lairs. If and when the board members arrive and grant us their approval, we'll be able to wander the Galaxy with much more freedom from the constant bickerings of minor super villains, unimportant mad scientists, and troublesome space pirates. With the dual fear and respect granted, we have more peace and quiet to pursue our own goals and objectives.

Harvey-Basically it's the last official hurdle before we're recognized by other villains and mad scientists as a force that deserves respect. The last bridge to Inter-Galactic Arch-Villainy, or something. Not that we intend to act as villains unless we have to, but,....

Greg-Enough chit-chat! Before we settle any of this small-talk, we need to know what the situation is with Trinstar! You say that he looks like Afgncaap5?

*As this is said, Harvey ladles a sauce from his cauldron onto a plate of tacos and offers it to the new arrivals. The Arithmancer signals to the new arrivals to not eat the tacos under any circumstances, that they may never be able to taste again if they try Harvey's cooking*

[Mog, of course, immediately takes a bite out of a taco and starts running around the room, mouth full of flames, and leaving a trail of smoke.]

*admiringly, looking at Sam* What a fine butler you have!

*observing Mog, decides to pass on the tacos, and reaches for a biscuit instead*

I wonder what's become of Dr. Sartasmus.

I didn't realise that one had to ~apply~ to become a villain. Didn't that sort of thing used to be demonstrable merely by one's deeds?

The baddies will be asked for a cv/resumé next!

Greklas-Well, as Dr. Harvey said, this is merely a certification thing, an honored recognition. We're actually applying through the Mad Science branch, which isn't necessarily villainous in nature, but also has some more,....erm, strenuous guidelines that one is capable of circumventing if one also applies for the super villainy ranking. Basically what it comes down to is that we're not required to take as many notes on our work if we apply for both licenses in Mad Scientist and Super Villain organizations.

Harvey-You see, what happens if two or three (or more) masters of darkness converge on the same location? This one wants it because a certain explosive element can be found on the planet, this other one wants it because an ancient evil spirit lives there and he or she knows the secret to both unleashing it and controlling it, while the third one wants to subjugate the entire population of the planet into slavery in order to build a massive death ray. With the two organiations, The Inter-Galactic Confederation Of Super-Villainy and The Honorable League Of Mad Scientists (whose names change so often that it's barely worth keeping track of), these little disputes can be easily settled. So, instead of having three villains destroy each other and half of the Galaxy over a speck of mud, this organization can help settle disputes like that.

Arithmancer-Yes, but very few villains are evil/powerful/mad enough to make it on their own. All five of us within this castle are recognized as mad scientists across good portions of the Galaxy, and we've each been involved in villainous activities in the past (ranging from simple grave robbings on Dr. Harvey's part to the subjugation of entire planets on the part of Dr. Sartasmus); however, to truly be recognized as a serious force of power, groups such as our own have to merge together, thus combining my mathematical magic with Greklas' technological prowess with Greg's fantastic skill at genetic engineering and teleportation with Sartasmus' mastery of the art of alchemy with Harvey's phenomenal creativity that's capable of instantly seeing the solution to any problem through his sciences.

Greklas-We actually didn't join for the express purpose of gaining this certification, though, we only very recently realized that we qualified for it. No, we joined together because we have a common dislike for a friend of yours, Afgncaap5. We were rather surprised when your friends over here claimed to be friends of that adventurer. It seems that everyone here has the same goal at the moment, though for different reasons.

Greg-Yes, fantastic, absolutely wonderful. Now, will you please explain to us what's happening to Trinstar and Sartasmus? Are they okay?

[Halfway through that, all three start snoring.]

[Vegeta] [right before the question] What a bunch of windbags.


[Bass] Last I knew, Sartasmus was sendin' us here and Trinstar was in a tiff about a fake Philosopher's Stone.

Delicious tea.

I find it difficult to believe that the conflicting aims of different villains could be settled through a bureacracy. Unless there are non-compliance sanctions you haven't mentioned, for enforcing such "amicable" settlements.

*throws the fake philosopher's stone toward the arithmancer* Bass is referring to this.

*Arrives* Ah, tea. How splendid. I'll have two.