h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Yar rubs his neck a little, then casts Cure on himself.]

[Yar] Okay, I have to say I'm impressed.


[Vegeta] [as Yar] "I /have/ to because I'm being mind-controlled by an awful director!"

Harvey-With what?

[Yar] Well, it wouldn't've occurred to /me/ to make a minion who wasn't bothered by pointy stuff getting stuck into him. Well, actually, it might've, but I wouldn't've known /how/.

Where did my suit come from? Well, er, I won it. On a planet with an advanced civilization. Uh, from a genie. (See http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/F32669?thread=79910&skip=1260&show=20 post 1264). Apparently is extends into more dimensions than the usual 4. Of course, it was broken when we got it, so we fixed it and added various bells and whistles ourselves. *GL blows into a small tube inside his helmet and a shrill whistle is heard.* The bells are much better.

Harvey-Ah, that! Well, I'll admit that it wasn't easy and that I did fall back on the research of Dr. Victor Frankenstein to get some of the proper animation to work, but I was able to work out how to make most of the major body parts self-dependant, meaning that if any of it can survive then the majority can probably be salvaged. Of all the things that I had to do in college, Sam was my favorite.

Simulpost! Affy, check the post before yours.

Darn Symlpost Syndrome!


*The Arithmancer somehow watches the flashback, and nods in understanding*

A race advanced enough to create that suit and alternate-reality creating monolith must have been on the verge of becoming hyper-dimensional, if not pan-dimensional. Or at least possessing the required intelligence to simulate it. I'd give a lot to see research papers on that suit of yours. Circuitry, math co-processor, wiring, and the like.

Well, we did take some notes when we were rebuilding and enhancing it. They're all on the CLI computers. Of course there were a couple of bits we didn't completely understand...

Arithmancer-If you don't mind me saying so, I believe that I would have the facilities and know-how to unlock those secrets. While I have a newfound respect for CLI's mathematics skills, I still doubt some of the facets of your computer's capabilities.

Well, I appreciate the offer, but I have a feeling that if I need any of it explained to me, the suit itself will attempt to do so. You see it has this cool pop-up display that projects in space in front of me. I think only I can see it. It was just activated by your blow to the suit and it, er, helped with the battle. Uh, fine tuned my plans, as it were.


Yes, simply thinking of girls did need a little fine tuning. Although how you could think of girls in the middle of a battle, is a mystery to me.


It seems to have something of a personality. I wonder how you stop it popping up...

Arithmancer-I could tell you at some point, if you would let me borrow it. As a gesture on my part, I will abstain from attempting to kill Afgncaap5 during this current escapade. Later, I would simply arrive at CLI to plck up the artifact for a few days.

Harvey-And I'm always lookin' for ways to update my suit, so I'dbe willing to lay off killing him.

Greklas- I'd love to get my hands on that suit as well. Greg?

Greg-I'd like to help out as well, but I've nothing to gain from that suit.

Arithmancer-Er,...well, greg isn't in, and we can't get sartasmus to promise if he isn't here,....but you'd have 3 out of 5 on your side for a while. Whattaya say?

[Vegeta] I say your breath stinks!

[Bulma] I say the entire /plot/ is contrived!


[Yar] Eh, what the heck. I'm down with this. Got any MP-restoring items?

Arithmancer-Of course. However, while we promise not to kill him or you for the duration of this mission of yours, we don't have any wish to go out of our way to help you.

Harvey-You'd have to wait until we could speak with Sartasmus again anyway. He's the only one of us who really uses magic, so he's the only one who has any in supply at the moment.

[Yar] Eh, I'll manage.

[Mog takes out an Ether and opens it with the intention of drinking it. Yar swipes it at the last second.]

[Yar] Thanks. [downs it]

[Mog] Hey!

Well...


Don't do it.


...uh...


You can't trust them.


...er...


Trick them.


...Okay. Once Affy is save and sound back at CLI, you can come to CLI and ask for the suit.


Very good. You've said they can come and ask for me, but you haven't promised that you will say yes.

Harvey-Excellent! We have verbal agreement, now we just need the written contract!

Arithmancer-Boot up that word processor and type something up there.

*Harvey loads some cryptic looking word processor, and types up a brief contract. He's about to print, but stops short*

Harvey-Is this written okay for everyone?


The three(3) mad scientists commonly known as Dr. Harvey, Dr. Greklas, and The Arithmancer will not attempt to harm, capture, or kill Afgncaap5 or any of those attempting to locate him (though they in no way promise to be a great help should the situation arise) until he returns to the Crater Labs, Incorporated complex located within The Crater. In exchange, Garius Lupus shall grant custody of his super suit (granted to him by a genie, see attached documentation) for one(1) week so that they may study it, after which they will submit all of their findings back to Garius.

*Reads contract carefully.*

I'm not entirely comfortable with this. We still have to consider your other partners. I think we need their promise not to bring harm our way, too.

On the suit issue, Garius, why don't you offer them the use of Crater Labs facilities. This will save them the trouble of transporting the suit offsite and wasting a valuable portion of the one week examination period. I'm sure you can secure a portion of the labs for them.


And this way the suit will never leave your sight.

Ah, yes indeed, Witty. That is a capital idea.


Yes, that would be fine. I can handle them.


We have the most advanced testing facilities you can imagine, and I can offer the services of some of our robots, too.

[Vegeta] [as GL] "You can trust me. I'm wearing a suit with an AI that doesn't like you!"

Arithmancer-Believe me, Garius, I can imagine a great deal...

Harvey-And while I'm sure you've got better facilities than we do in a "Jack-Of-All-Trades" scenario, we've got the better specialized facilities. That's why the five of us joined forces.

Greklas-Oh, let's just use the CLI facilities. I imagine that they don't trust us to deliver all of our findings back to them, and that won't be an issue with a security camera looking over our shoulders. I say that we just insist on bringing our own equipment.

Harvey-Oh, I get it. Let's get a new contract, then....


The three(3) scientists known as Dr. Greklas, Dr. Harvey, and The Arithmancer will not attempt to harm, capture or kill Afgncaap5 or any of those attempting to find him until he has been returned to Crater Labs, Incorporated. In exchange, Garius Lupus shall grant the scientists one(1) week to monitor the suit in the CLI facilities, though they may transport other equipment that they deem necessary.


Harvey-This alright?