h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

oh well these things happen lol

dont suppose any hang around this dungeon??

by the way whats with the number tag?? seems to be a craze round here at the moment or an unhealthy fascination with the number 42! lol

Will you get out of here? This RP scene is "closed" in the sense that there's no reasonable way you could have gotten here.

*Shakes her head and ignores the voices. Comes up with what she hopes is a plausible tale.*

I'm an efficiency expert. I was contracted to observe and submit a report on my findings. Don't mind my little gun, it's just for personal protection, a defensive device.

*Hopes they buy her story.*

Hmmm, caught sight of our vampire friend in The Crypt first. Won't repeat here what I said there. Although YK does bring up the point that you need a plausable reason to be here for the Law Of Continuity to be appeased. However, there's currently another group seperate from the Dungeon and Crypt groups that the others may not yet be aware of that may prove easier to join....if you can find it....


*The group seems to nod at these explanations*

Greklas-Okay, so both boards have representatives here. I assume, then, that the other group, who I believe is currently within Dr. Sartasmus' Crypt, is also comprised of both?

Arithmancer-Though I'm becoming worried about the board member who landed in my tower when the squid tossed him. Not come up for air quite yet....

Greg-Oh, I'm sure he's alright. The teleporter to this place is well within reach. Anyway, what's your tale, efficiency expert? Were you hired by the mad scientist group, the super villain group, or both?

Harvey-Either way, I'm interested in the types of things that you check for. I've heard of various tests that'd be added to the procedure this year, and this one sounds like it makes sense. Do you recommend that lasers be pointed to other areas, or request increases in traps, or....I can't think of anything else. Anyway, I'm curious. What's your report say so far?

[Yar] My report so far says that you wanted us to get here /alive/. Oh, sure, I mean it was fun enough for me, but only to a point. I mean, some of your guys were caught flat-footed and easily defeated just because I could use both the Force /and/ Kame-senin*.


[Vegeta] The is he talkin' about?? The only thing even remotely resembling Kamesennin-ryu that he did was throw chi blasts!


[*Goku's martial art from DBZ]

*Pulls a clipboard and pen out of her clutch and addresses the group.*

I'm sorry, that information is confidential unless and until my employers release it themselves. But you may rest assured that I will be observing you and your facilities very closely. ~Very~ closely. Incidently, it would be most helpful if I didn't have to constantly shoot at things.

*Jots down a bunch of stuff about about the contents of the room and the bits of information the scientist have divulged so far.*

you lost me seems like your all talking to me LOL
confused! unsubscribing....

[Yar] [glances at WM and winks so that the scientists don't see her] And that's another thing. SHE more than held her own against what you threw at us. You either didn't want us to get hurt at /all/, or you're lying and you're REALLY slipping. [nastily] But of /course/ you can't lie to a Sith, can you?


[Bulma] [as Yar] "Okay, GM, roll a 'Jedi: detect lying' check against what he's been saying."

[Vegeta] [as GM] "You sense that you're a nerd."

[Bulma] [as Yar] "Shucks!"

*The other scientists blink a few times*

Harvey-But....you *were* supposed to get here alive. Right? I mean, you couldn't very well write your reports if you were *dead*, you know.

Arithmancer-Yes. It's all in the papers that you sent us. *Pulls a crimson folder out of his cloak, opens it and begins looking over it* It says right here, page 4 of the information that "the super villains are to ensure the safety of the review board at every point of the mission, as this will demonstrate proper control of their lair's security systems."

Harvey-*Pulling out a maroon folder, opening it, and reading* And here on page two of *this* information, it says that "while the ability to reanimate and regenerate dead tissue is a staple acheivment of most mad scientists, this is a cliched maneuver that should not be resorted to. The originality of a mad scientists projects is nearly as important as properly fitting the archetypes, if not more so. In fact, an unstereotypical mad scientist who speaks rationally and calmly and keeps a neat and tidy lair will often score higher than a wild-eyed maniac if the former is pushing the boundaries of experimental science while the latter is merely rehashing the old. In other words, your lair should not harm the review board, but should instead demonstrate a little of what they are capable of."

Greg-So has there been some form of miscommunication? Did you *want* us to kill you? I mean, that can easily be arranged, but we were under the impression that we were to keep you all alive.

Greklas-*Has been pondering silently for several moments* Members of the review boards, please forgive this minute breach of ettiquette, but would you mind telling us this information: what are the respective logos of your organizations?

*The other scientists all look at Greklas as if he's being madder than normal*

Harvey-Greklas, I can show you it right now, it's here on this folder. It's a standard-

Greklas-Harvey, *I* know what the symbols of the review board are. But what I want to know is if the representatives of the "review board" know what they are.

Greg-What are you talking ab-....oh....OH!

*The four scientists slowly turn towards the heroes and wait for an answer, expectantly*

*Witty looks at the fab four, narrows her eyes, and taps her pencil on her clipboard. She lowers her voice so she can barely be heard and speaks slowly.*

I beg your pardon? I have ~never~ been so insulted! You seem to misunderstand the situation. Listen to me carefully, for I will explain this once and only once.

This team holds the power to make or break your project. Every notation I have made has been instantaneously transmitted to the appropriate councils. As we speak, decisions are being made at the highest levels. I have merely to make note of your most disrespectful behavior and you will suffer the consequences of your petty behavior.

Have I made my self clear?

[Bulma] Yeah, you've made it clear! You can think faster than Yar!

[Vegeta] [humorlessly] It's so fun seeing the one player match wits with the other players.

[Bulma] [baps him] Don't break the Fourth Wall!

*Harvey looks skeptical. Greklas smiles evilly. The Arithmancer seems confused. Greg looks terrified*

Arithmancer-But the board has no power over the actions of the organization itself....

Greg-But how do we know that? Changes were to be made, you know.

Harvey-Yes, but not THIS type of change. *Casting suspicious glances at GL, WM, and YK's group* A change of this magnitude would horribly alter the politics. It would mean that the board would be attempting to gain control of every other super villain and mad scientist in the Galaxy! A very foolish maneuver on the part of the council....

Greklas-*The only one who seems to totally know what to do, and is smiling in true villainous fashion* Don't you three see? There are only two options presented here. Either 1) a change of this magnitude would mean a vast political/criminal attempt to control the supervillains and scientists of the Galaxy as Harvey suggests, or 2) these people are IMPOSTERS!

Greg-I know that's what you thought a few statements ago, but what if it's the first option?

Harvey-Wait, I think I see, Greklas. If they are Imposters, as you suggest, then we are under no obligation to do anything they say. Any other situation like this would mean the political maneuver, meaning that it's up to us and other villains and scientists around the Galaxy to stand up to these Belicose Beaureaucrats.

Arithmancer-Exactly! And because this is all of our equipment and operations, and the licensing is merely out of consideration to other villains that we don't want to inconvenience, then we won't be obligated to shut down operations under any circumstances.

Greklas-Correct! Therefore, it is our SWORN DUTY AS VILLAINS to stand up against this injustice if it exists, and to catch these imposters in their lies if that is what they are!

*The four scientists all turn towards the Salonistas. Greklas pulls out a laser blaster of some sort. Harvey turns the dial on his suit from 2% to 65% and enters a martial arts stance. The Arithmancer pulls out what looks like a combination between a calculator, a chalk-board, and a hand gun. Greg removes a super soaker-like weapon that is filled with some purple ooze that is labelled "Mutation Solution 531"*

Greklas-Now then, "board members", tell us the truth. We have no intention of harming you at the moment due to the problems with the daemon Trinstar. However, I must insist that we know for a fact that you will not be a hinderance to us. WHAT is your business at our castle lair, WHY are you here right now, and WHO are the other members of your party that are in Sartasmus' Crypt, and Arithmancer's Tower?

[Yar adopts a relaxed-looking pose and a mild smirk.]


[Vegeta] Uh-oh. I know that stance.


[Yar] Okay, I tell you.


[Bulma] [as Yar imitating Seraph from Matrix Reloaded] "But first, I must aporogize."


[Yar] Y'see, this noncorporeal life form called FACE is holding a contest to see who can rescue an adventurer called Afgncaap5 first, and we're a bunch of friends of his. We're pretty sure he's been stashed someplace in this castle. And the subterfuge was 'coz you automatically assumed we were from that Board, so we just went with that.

[Mog] [popping up, smoke rising up from him] I'm okay!

*The four mad scientists pause, and don't blink for a good five seconds*

Harvey-You're friends of Afgncaap5? The one who never gave me funding or a job for my cucumber projet???

Greklas-The one who beat me to nearly half of my Galaxy-Wide patents over the past two years???

Arithmancer-The fool who is more celebrated for his mathematical toys such as the "Calcu-Gator" than I am for my truly complex Zero-Rise Laser?

Greg-The one who both had me kicked out of Mad Science University for stealing lizards for my mutant experiments, and later forced me from the position I had illegally aquired at Zone 428, thus preventing me from ever becoming a fully accreditted mad scientist???

*The four scientists seem much more eager to follow through with attacking*

Greklas-I have heard of this "FACE", normally only as a reference to some villain named Minos Krylma. If a pan-dimensional life form such as FACE has guided you here, then you may be on the right track.

Arithmancer-We shall attempt to track down this Afgncaap5 as well. Believe me, we would know if he was on the castle grounds. He may be located where we are currently heading, The Andromeda Way Prison.

Greg-What he'd be doing there is beyond me, but we could use the four of you, and your companions in the Crypt and Tower, as a method for tracking him down!

Harvey-Nice thinking, Greg! We'll be the most popular mad scientists in the Galaxy for pulling off this jail break, and simultaneously capture and kill that addled adventurer!

Greklas-*Smiling much broader than ever* Thank you so much for being totally and completely honest with us. You have definitely made this an entertaining day. Now if only Sartasmus would take care of Trinstar quickly, this can continue. Greg, can you bioscan from here?

Greg-Maybe. It'll take a few minutes, though.

*Greg heads over to Harvey's computer, and begins running strange programs*

*Not really sure she wants to be on the same side as four mad scientists.*


Nice going, Yar.

[Vegeta] [pointing] Haw-haw!


[Yar] [aside to Witty] Who says we hafta /let/ 'em?

[He shifts his position slightly.]


[Vegeta] Why do I get the impression that Yar hasn't /really/ started fighting yet?

[Bulma] I dunno. Is it because he's starting to look more and more relaxed?

*Greg's computer beeps a few times, and a listing of life forms comes up on the screen*

Greg-Hmmm....there's an unnacounted life form here, even taking Trinstar and company into account. Better do an in-depth scan on this guy.....Wait, this isn't....This guy is from Zork.

Greklas-What?

Greg-From Zork. Zorkish DNA. And he's in the maze.

Greklas-Zorkish in the....WE HAD YOUR SCANNERS ON CONSTANT ALERT!

Harvey-Now then, Greklas, you know that the scanners can't always be up to date, that's why we do on-demand scans like this once in a while.

Arithmancer-And if he is here, then we should attempt to capture him before we arrive at the Andromeda Way Prison.

Harvey-Right. But not before we can round up his allies. YOU FOUR! Into the cell behind you!

*The four scientists prepare to herd them into the cell and lock it*

[Yar shifts his body a total of four inches into a combat stance. Sparks fly out of his fists.]

[Yar] Bring it on.


[Bulma] [as narrator] "... he said, instead of saying something as foolish as 'make me' because then they undoubtedly would."

Greklas-Nothing need be brought, Jedi. We have no issue with you personally. We merely wish to kill an aquaintance of yours. *He says as he turns off the safety on his ray blaster and fires at YK*

Arithmancer-We don't want to hurt you, after all, that's just appearing to be the easiest of options. *He aims his strange weapon, and a picture of YK begins to be drawn on the chalkboard-type part of it*

Greg-*Doesn't speak, just sprays a nearby parakeet in a cell with the mutation mixture, causing it to errupt to roughly the size and proportions of a mind-controlled carnivorous pterodactyl and launch itself at WM*

Harvey-*Pushing the dial up by a few more percentages, he enters a martial arts stance and exhibits a flying kick aimed at WM's head*

*Ducks, then glares at Yar*

I liked it better when we were 'inspectors'.