h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is were the Starbug transport vessels are parked when not out on exploring mission.
Right now, Starbug 1 is ready for launch, security code: A1019053

*makes sure the starbugs are clean*
Check!
*check his report book*

Blue midget is ready for launch, security code: A1019936

*draging himself out of waste shaft, Colonel wanders over to Blue Midget muttering profanities, enters the craft's security code of A1019936 and proceed's to get in and launch* *The Midget flies to just above the bridge. It lands. The Colonel (in military-grade armored space-suit) gets out removes laser cutter/welder and begins to work intently on the two hulls* *(six hours later) The Colonel drifts back and, pleased with his handiwork, gets back into the Midget. After removing his helmet and gloves, sits down and types something on the screen.....*

*stands in doorway with bazookoind*
FREEZE COLONEL!

IVE GOT CURLING TONGS AND IM NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM

*loads bazookoid*

*brandishes tongs*

*enters code A1019053 *
Lou, Mort, anyone but colonel get in!

*gets in*

Come on guys!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/F120682?thread=265910&post=3282451#p3282451 go!

I AM IN THE BLUE MIDGET ON TOP OF THE BRIDGE. I'VE SPLICED CABLE AND LIFE SUPPORT THROUGH THE TWO HULLS. AND APART FROM RIMMER'S HEX-VISION, WHICH INCIDENTALY DOESN'T WORK OUTSIDE THE SHIP, YOU HAVE NOTHING WHICH CAN SHOOT ME AND GET THROUGH MY ARMORED SUIT, WHERE AS I HAVE A LASER CANNON BUILT-IN TO MY SUIT! SO HA!

And now youre dead. So double ha.

*Scutter 1 (mod) enters*

*No-one notices*

*He goes to the airlock, tranfers to the outside and makes his way to where Blue Midget is attached to the hull.*

*A small panel opens in the right side of his casing and he extracts a very small can containing nanobots programmed to eat spacesuit armour (which they can sense at a distance of 250 yards in any conditions) then release a powerful sleep inducing gas before rendering themsleves totally harmless.*

*The nanobots are introduced into Blue Midget via the engine exhaust and quickly make their way to the cabin where they do there work, leaving the mad Colonel comatose and vulnerable for the next 12 hours.*

*Scutter 1 (mod) then disconnects all the gubbins that the Colonel has done, reseals the pressure hull and restores life support to the bridge.*

*Scutter 1 (mod) returns to the hangar and goes about his business, pausing only to bow politely to Listerette and whip off a smart salute to Mr Rimmer.*

*Sane Colonel walks into hanger, suits up, and waits for the rest to catch up*

*Listerette arrives*

I thought I told you to stay there?

Sorry, Ma'am. *Sane Colonel turns round and exits main hanger while removing helmet*

*Onboard Blue midget, Insane Colonel wakes up* Aaarrrghhh. *he looks down at body* Where has my narfing suit gone? Oh,! *he types some thing on the console*

*Insane Colonel finishes typing and falls back to the floor* Why am I so ing weak.

*Scutter 1 (mod) enters*

*No-one notices*