This is the Message Centre for paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
Reality Manipulator Posted Sep 17, 2015
I crossed a mobile phone with a skunk, and now the service stinks.
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
Reality Manipulator Posted Sep 17, 2015
The otolaryngologist had not heard much about health care reform, he thought the plan smelled fishy, and the debate left a bad taste in his mouth.
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Sep 17, 2015
"General Skunkvomit's army is behind this ridge.
General Valiant's coming up the valley..."
"So.....we are to surround Skunkvomit?"
"No! He's *our* side."
"But that name!"
"An alias, designed to strike terror in enemy hearts."
"Their stomachs won't be in great shape either."
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Sep 17, 2015
"The company expects great things from your garden, Carver."
"Call me Burbank. Our new peppers will revolutionize..."
"Wait! What are those strange birds?"
"The peppers, sir."
"But they're flying!"
"Low transportation costs."
"How will they know where to fly?"
"Drones will lead them."
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Sep 30, 2015
"The doctor is waiting for you," said the elephant in a kimono.
"I've never had a cuckoo as a psychiatrist before," I observed.
"This is a dream."
The doctor had ancient Roman busts and a clock that said
"Donald Trump" every hour.
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ Posted Sep 30, 2015
A black 
and a white are standing in a field, ruminating.
Suddenly one of them says: - Is it not terrible how people have prejudices about us hoofed animals?
- Indeed, says the other. - It is actually enough to make you vomit
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Sep 30, 2015
"Hurricane Noah?" Zeb scoffed, scooping seeds from a pumpkin.
"At worst it'll bring some rain. Tomorrow's pumpkin race
won't be affected."
Heavy rains began as the race started. Then the reservoir dam broke.
200 pumpkin boats were last seen floating at sea.
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
The Thinker, the owner of an adorable cat called Simba Posted Oct 1, 2015
Bob the bobcat for a bet bobbed up and down wearing a bob styled wig to the delight of his animal friends who cheered him on. He was rewarded for this wager with a five bob note and a large chocolate cake.
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Oct 1, 2015
Starship Nutterprize was having a bad day.
First it was ambushed by Kardashian encyclopedia salesmen.
Then it crash-landed next to a remote diner.
"The menu lists 97 types of sausage," Captain Kook exclaimed.
"This is the world of all possible wursts."
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
Reality Manipulator Posted Oct 2, 2015
Great pun story Paul.
Be here now and watch the fro. Jump the lines and then go and chill out. Mellow out by wearing a multicoloured kaftan with flowers in your hair. Do you own thing and boogie all the way down to the bus stop.
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
Icy North Posted Oct 2, 2015
Paul, you should consider condensing some of your puns into a single sentence and submitting them into the Buller-Lytton Fiction Contest. They have a category for exactly this sort of thing. I particularly enjoyed the last one: "...world of all possible wursts"
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ Posted Oct 2, 2015
Icy, you should consider following paulh and a few others punning away in this punathonic thread: http://h2g2.com/user/U1046172/conversation/view/F1926355/T5120444/page/1/
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Oct 2, 2015
Starfeck Command invariably sent its least promising personnel to the Nutterprize.
Take Mr. Schlock: unsurpassed as a logician, but no Rembrandt with brush and canvas. Today's painting: dogs playing poker.
While painting, Schlock helped Schrodinger's Cat learn Hamlet's "To be" soliloquy.
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Oct 4, 2015
"Jeff says you're an inventor."
"My son exaggerates...."
"Our children -- your grandchildren -- could become inventors. What did you invent?"
"A nuclear-powered airplane."
"What happened?" 2
"Passenger safety issues."
"From the radiation?"
"Yep. I added massive lead shields."
"And?"
"Too heavy to fly."
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Oct 4, 2015
"I don't get it!" I protested. You're sending us out alone for your fox hunt?"
"Some honeymoon!" Lurlene added.
"The horses are experienced. They know the trails," Lord
Thwockworthy said.
"We aren't experienced hunters."
"Unnecessary. This time, the foxes will hunt *you.*"
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ Posted Oct 6, 2015
Theofilius Bootleg was lecturing seven generations of descendants on how to stay alive.
"As you all know us cats have nine lives. I only spent
eight to reach my age of 142 years"
When he heard the truck it was too late...
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ Posted Oct 6, 2015
"Where was I", Theofilius Bootleg IX continued when he woke up again in the vet's hospital.
"Learn from the May flies", he told his descendants. "They only live for 24 hours, but soon learn to make hasty decisions and hardly ever divorce"
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ Posted Oct 6, 2015
[
fast decisions, not hasty decisions, of course 
]
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Oct 6, 2015
Everest was harder to climb, but Mount Whereisit was harder to find. Some people argued that it moved around, others that it didn't exist.
Today I stood proudly on its summit. Then I noticed wings unfurling from the mountain's sides.
Mystery explained!
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Oct 6, 2015
"You're too young to retire, Maddy."
"Grandma, I'm sixty. I've worked forty years.
I have a good pension."
"I still portrayed ingenues at your age."
"Plastic surgery works wonders."
"Men found me sexy into my eighties."
"If they could remember what sex was!"
Key: Complain about this post
42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.
- 261: Reality Manipulator (Sep 17, 2015)
- 262: Reality Manipulator (Sep 17, 2015)
- 263: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Sep 17, 2015)
- 264: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Sep 17, 2015)
- 265: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Sep 30, 2015)
- 266: Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ (Sep 30, 2015)
- 267: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Sep 30, 2015)
- 268: The Thinker, the owner of an adorable cat called Simba (Oct 1, 2015)
- 269: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Oct 1, 2015)
- 270: Reality Manipulator (Oct 2, 2015)
- 271: Icy North (Oct 2, 2015)
- 272: Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ (Oct 2, 2015)
- 273: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Oct 2, 2015)
- 274: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Oct 4, 2015)
- 275: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Oct 4, 2015)
- 276: Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ (Oct 6, 2015)
- 277: Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ (Oct 6, 2015)
- 278: Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~ (Oct 6, 2015)
- 279: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Oct 6, 2015)
- 280: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Oct 6, 2015)
More Conversations for paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant
Write an Entry
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."