This is the Message Centre for paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 261

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

I crossed a mobile phone with a skunk, and now the service stinks.


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 262

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

The otolaryngologist had not heard much about health care reform, he thought the plan smelled fishy, and the debate left a bad taste in his mouth.


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 263

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

"General Skunkvomit's army is behind this ridge.
General Valiant's coming up the valley..."

"So.....we are to surround Skunkvomit?"

"No! He's *our* side."

"But that name!"

"An alias, designed to strike terror in enemy hearts."

"Their stomachs won't be in great shape either."


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 264

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

"The company expects great things from your garden, Carver."

"Call me Burbank. Our new peppers will revolutionize..."

"Wait! What are those strange birds?"

"The peppers, sir."

"But they're flying!"

"Low transportation costs."

"How will they know where to fly?"

"Drones will lead them."


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 265

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

"The doctor is waiting for you," said the elephant in a kimono.

"I've never had a cuckoo as a psychiatrist before," I observed.

"This is a dream."

The doctor had ancient Roman busts and a clock that said
"Donald Trump" every hour.


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 266

Pierce The Pirate ~ in Hotblack Desiato mode ~

A black smiley - pony and a white smiley - pony are standing in a field, ruminating.

Suddenly one of them says: - Is it not terrible how people have prejudices about us hoofed animals?

- Indeed, says the other. - It is actually enough to make you vomit

smiley - pirate


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 267

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

"Hurricane Noah?" Zeb scoffed, scooping seeds from a pumpkin.
"At worst it'll bring some rain. Tomorrow's pumpkin race
won't be affected."

Heavy rains began as the race started. Then the reservoir dam broke.

200 pumpkin boats were last seen floating at sea.


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 268

The Thinker, the owner of an adorable cat called Simba

Bob the bobcat for a bet bobbed up and down wearing a bob styled wig to the delight of his animal friends who cheered him on. He was rewarded for this wager with a five bob note and a large chocolate cake.


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 269

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

Starship Nutterprize was having a bad day.

First it was ambushed by Kardashian encyclopedia salesmen.

Then it crash-landed next to a remote diner.

"The menu lists 97 types of sausage," Captain Kook exclaimed.
"This is the world of all possible wursts."


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 270

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

smiley - applausesmiley - cheersGreat pun story Paul.smiley - coolsmiley - ok

Be here now and watch the fro. Jump the lines and then go and chill out. Mellow out by wearing a multicoloured kaftan with flowers in your hair. Do you own thing and boogie all the way down to the bus stop.


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 271

Icy North

Paul, you should consider condensing some of your puns into a single sentence and submitting them into the Buller-Lytton Fiction Contest. They have a category for exactly this sort of thing. I particularly enjoyed the last one: "...world of all possible wursts"


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 272

Pierce The Pirate ~ in Hotblack Desiato mode ~

Icy, you should consider following paulh and a few others punning away in this punathonic thread: http://h2g2.com/user/U1046172/conversation/view/F1926355/T5120444/page/1/


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 273

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

Starfeck Command invariably sent its least promising personnel to the Nutterprize.

Take Mr. Schlock: unsurpassed as a logician, but no Rembrandt with brush and canvas. Today's painting: dogs playing poker.

While painting, Schlock helped Schrodinger's Cat learn Hamlet's "To be" soliloquy.


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 274

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants


"Jeff says you're an inventor."

"My son exaggerates...."

"Our children -- your grandchildren -- could become inventors. What did you invent?"

"A nuclear-powered airplane."

"What happened?" 2

"Passenger safety issues."

"From the radiation?"

"Yep. I added massive lead shields."

"And?"

"Too heavy to fly."


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 275

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

"I don't get it!" I protested. You're sending us out alone for your fox hunt?"

"Some honeymoon!" Lurlene added.

"The horses are experienced. They know the trails," Lord
Thwockworthy said.

"We aren't experienced hunters."

"Unnecessary. This time, the foxes will hunt *you.*"


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 276

Pierce The Pirate ~ in Hotblack Desiato mode ~

Theofilius Bootleg was lecturing seven generations of descendants on how to stay alive.

"As you all know us cats have nine lives. I only spent
eight to reach my age of 142 years"

When he heard the truck it was too late...

smiley - pirate


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 277

Pierce The Pirate ~ in Hotblack Desiato mode ~

"Where was I", Theofilius Bootleg IX continued when he woke up again in the vet's hospital.

"Learn from the May flies", he told his descendants. "They only live for 24 hours, but soon learn to make hasty decisions and hardly ever divorce"

smiley - pirate


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 278

Pierce The Pirate ~ in Hotblack Desiato mode ~

[smiley - sorry fast decisions, not hasty decisions, of course smiley - erm]


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 279

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

Everest was harder to climb, but Mount Whereisit was harder to find. Some people argued that it moved around, others that it didn't exist.

Today I stood proudly on its summit. Then I noticed wings unfurling from the mountain's sides.

Mystery explained!


42-word posts: stories, poems, etc.

Post 280

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

"You're too young to retire, Maddy."

"Grandma, I'm sixty. I've worked forty years.
I have a good pension."

"I still portrayed ingenues at your age."

"Plastic surgery works wonders."

"Men found me sexy into my eighties."

"If they could remember what sex was!"


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