h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

“We must alter the ionic wave coupling so to deactivate the massive amount of energy building up in the holodeck that‘s draining all the energy from the warp field generator to stop a warp core breach.”, said an anxious Geordie LaForge

The forty-second zucchini, like a finless, tailless, green Moby Dick, lies motionless under a vast lead, awaiting the first frost. Its length and girth have grown to immense proportions.

I rub its dew-covered sides. What'll I do with it?

Herbed flies were the first course at Grunion Greenfrog's banquet. The guests croaked their approval. Likewise the crawdaddy bisque. The things went downhill.

Crawdaddies in bulrush sauce arrived on Snoritake plates. This made the guests fall asleep.

Next the chef was fired.

Herbed flies were the first course at Grunion Greenfrog's banquet. The guests croaked their approval. Likewise the crawdaddy bisque. Then things went downhill.

Crawdaddies in bulrush sauce arrived on Snoritake plates. This made the guests fall asleep.

Next the chef was fired.

Betty eats spaghetti on her settee looking out to the yeti in a yacht moored at a jetty covered in confetti thrown by a banshee drinking tea flovoured with Chablis discussing the merits of having a goatee beard when eating Betty’s spaghetti.

On the giant seed zuchini (I've seen them as big as watermelons, grown in an old pigsty that had been allowed to weather a year and a half after the pigs had been cleared out, before turning the soil and converting it to a vegetable patch), I usually let them age in a cool, dry place until they begin to soften perceptibly, before cutting, in order to allow the seed maximum time to harden off, then after extracting the seed, cut the remaining pulp out of it, the (thin) hard rind being inedible and use it in a noodle casserole of some kind.

Ooops! Wrong thread, sorry about that.

~ ~

That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.
That's all right.

"Get the elephants ready. We're sacking Rome!"

"But, Mr. Hannibal, they fell 1,500 years ago."

"So?"

"The Julians no longer run the place."

"And yet I endure."

"You don't look a day over 2,000, Sir."

"Book jumbo jets. Elephants need extra room."

Budget deficits, they claimed. Hundreds laid off -- teachers, sanitation workers, even policemen.

That's why the potatoes and squash grew in our dumpster: no pickups for eight months. At first the smell was horrid. Then Hector lost his job, so we ate them.

What would your ideal universe be like?

"Flowers would come to *me.* Rest for my wings." - Aunt Bee

"I'd have an extensive line of fragrances." - Chanel the Skunk

"More mousies!" - Kliban's Cat

"No Schrodinger!" - Schrodingder's Cat

"It's here already." - Zaphod Beeblebrox

Beatrice was beautiful. The fairest flower paled beside her.

Then she fell ill. Weeds ran amok in her garden --
carnivorous weeds with thorns and teeth.

When she recovered she ran to the garden. The weeds engulfed her.
Rescuers found some bleached bones.

It was the best of worlds, it was the worst of worlds. It was the time of flowers, it was the time of weed.

Beatrice lit her pipe, dropped the match and watched as flowers mingled with flames reaching for the skies

"Did you like 'Alice in Wonderland'"

"Yes, Dad, 'specially the car chases!"

My time machines help long-dead authors update their works. Hamlet's "To be" speech is a rap song. Don Quixote texts warnings to windmills. Moby Dick disses Ahab on Youtube.

I came to when someone said "Skydiving incident, eh?"

I was floating in a pool at the bottom of a circular stone tower.

A coin splashed. "I made a wish," the voice added.

"What time is it?

"Six o'clock and all's well."

"General Skunkvomit's army is behind this ridge.
General Valiant's coming up the valley..."

"So.....we are to surround Skunkvomit?"

"No! He's *our* side."

"But that name!"

"An alias, designed to strike terror in enemy hearts."

"Not to mention ruining every body's appetite."

Dr. Jekyll's more successful second formula turned him into a world-class sprinter rather than a violent psychopath, proving that you can run but you can't always Hyde.

Dr Hyde played Hyde and Seek in Hyde Park in London.

Green figured HYDRA agents grew hydrangeas in their spare time and they had to make sure that the hydrangeas as well as themselves where kept well hydrated.