h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Your post, sir, was really quite rough.
I counted four words -- not enough.
You could have padded it with some drivel,
And made out poor heads swivel,
Then kept on 'til you have 42 words, and if you couldn't well,. that's tough!

Frankenstein created a race horse. Heading towards the final furlong, I shouted
"Go on my son, show us what you're made of!"
Unfortunately it did and fell apart at the final hurdle. It had one man in stitches but not the horse.

I'm sorry if I offended
I hope any wounds will be mended
quite soon or at least
before any beast
can take advantage
of wounds and of rage

I feel like a
just because I wanted
to learn how you counted



PS: True story! I wanted to know how you counted hyphenated words (one or two) and in the proces stumbled upon your miniscule miscalculation

My miscalculation was stranger
Than Tonto's love for the Lone Ranger,
But I will disclose
I've a bug up my nose,
And bells on my toes,
And solid steel hose,
And CDs in my Bose
And Easter eggs nested in my manger.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding near night
they spied a fine camp site.
they soon pitched their tent
settled into the night.
by two they looked up and saw stars
what that mean white man?'
Don't know.
Somebody stole tent!

Magneto marries himself and his wedding vows.

“I, Magneto will take me to be my lawful wedded spouse, to love me, to serve me, to obey me and to honour me in this world and the next.”

“Magneto you may kiss yourself”

I planted a yellow rose bush, and it seems to be dying.

Ditto the Clematis next to it.

Is it the soil?

Coneflowers and yarrow grew happily there before.

Nature is a cruel mother. What about Father Nature? We'll blame him too.

Our on-boarding is the most viral thing at our company. Do your best to reach out by reciting the Ferengi rules of acquisitions. This sector has a virtual tipping point. People, in the coming year, we need to organically synthesise our ecosystem.

Our church decided to organically synthesize the music. We brought in a Moog synthesizer. Then there the mice -- being church mice, they're poor. We'll have them ordained by Deacon Purrcell, who is a cat. The steeple leaks. We're looking for a steeplejack.

Let wee commence wi' t' meetin wi' t' 'ymn jerusalem. We will discuss t' issues raised a' t' last annual general meetin an' orl as enny otha business. We will av 'igh teeur an' orl as eur jam 'n cake judgin contest.

(Yorkshire English translation: Let us commence with the meeting with the hymn Jerusalem. We will discuss the issues raised at the last annual general meeting as well as any other business. We will have high tea as well as a Jam and cake judging contest.)

I lived in a village by the sea. We never worried about anything until the day Zelda the fortune-teller told us the town would be swept away in a tsunami.

"When?" we asked.

"Next Tuesday."

We put everything on an ark.

The robot, remarked, "Sir, sun's setting.

Temperature'll fall to a hundred below.

You can't handle that in the day suit you're wearing.

You can walk or ride.

You don't wish to, I'll carry you."




"I'll ride."




"The radio crackled, "Welcome to Mars!"

Last night there were fierce thunder storms throughout the UK and Ireland. The LHC* and a Terrigen bomb exploded which created millions of metahumans and inhumans. This caused the rest of the population to panic which endowed them with powerful mutant powers.

*LHC Large Haldron collider

Guatemala sent a delegation of indigenous people to Elsinore. They said to Hamlet, "We claim all the possessions of your late court Jester. He is descended from Pakal the Great."

"You can't mean..." Hamlet said.

"But we do. What's Yorick's is Mayan.

Somewhere in my front yard, covered up by huge zucchini leaves and dangling green beans, there is a cherub. It's a weathered cement color. This Fall, after the vegetables die, someone will ask what it is.

"It's my gardening angel," I'll say.

It snowed continuously in Aviemore for 3 days and nights and by November the 3rd 48ft of snow had fallen. At Cairngorm ski resort there was 56ft of snow at the base and the top of the mountain was 112ft of snow.

It snowed continuously in Aviemore for 3 days and nights and by November the 3rd, 48ft of snow had fallen. At Cairngorm ski resort there was 56ft of snow at the base and the top of the mountain was 112ft of snow.

Zombie cucumbers glare in a sinister fashion, hanging from decimated vines. Runner beans hang listlessly from the porch railing, hatching vile plans of their own, no doubt. "

"Jack Pumpkinhead is coming!" squeak the bats in the belfry.

But only Sasquash actually comes.

My matser call me Frenkansteni. I balem Iogr. Froget my penmansiph -- my hands belongde to a wirting teahcer.

Its my barin that gives me toruble. Its form a dyselxic.

Heer Iogr cmoes wiht a new barin.

Ah, a better brain! But paranoid.

Montresora charged some Krappy Krud donuts on her Dismember credit card.

"Those things always make my stomach hurt," her friend commented.

"They're for Fortunato. I got him drunk, then trapped him with a wall of legos. I'll torture him with these donuts."