h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The oak leaves will fall from the tree.
They'll probably fall upon me.
I won't be forlorn
Unless an acorn
Should bop my head violently.

Oh, my darling, do you want the one ring
and a bag of bling that will give you added zing.
I have hungered for a sandwich and a roll
with a soup and porridge served in a bowl.
I like a blanket that has a soft touch
for my dear rabbits in their giant hutch.

A long, lonely time to learn how to mime
when drinking a chilled glass of lime.
Time goes by so slowly when drinking tea
and eating salad sandwiches filled with brie.
Time can be so wearisome when learning Dutch
recipe instructions on how to make penuche.

I need your gloves to give to my dove
which will be placed in my dove cove.
God speed your sweet loving thoughts to me
which will inspire me live by the sea.
My love, I do not like listening to boring love songs
that are sentimental about wearing satin sarongs.

Lonely rivers flow over the meadow and plateau
where there is Joe West who can it make it snow in his château.
To the sea there are those who want to sail the seven seas
and do as they please when they are being a bit of a tease.
Lonely rivers sigh when I am putting on my Doctor Who bow tie
when I look up to the sky as I waiting for my blackberry pie.

I think I shall swim in the sea.
Then I shall drink some herb tea.
My girl friend will bring
Some cake with icing,
And this will just fill us with glee.

I remember a time
i cooked rabbit in lime
it turned out quite juicy
i invited aunt lucy
but she didn't like it
said it was sour
so i softened the taste
with sugar and flour

I once had rabbit stew many years ago.
Don't remember how it tasted.
Everything tastes like chicken, you know.
On me, such foods are wasted.

Come a little closer next to the grocer
driving the bulldozer carrying a water bowser.
Ah will you hum and hah when bringing in the coleslaw
as you bring the milkshake with only one straw.
Will you get closer enough to look into my eyes
when you're in disguise when giving me a surprise.
Where are my favourite raspberry and blackberry pies
and will you be making me a gourmet hot-dog and fries?
Are you going to give me the healing touch
to help me heal my vintage Triumph motorcycle clutch?
Do you know if I will be able to join the metahuman kind
and will you teach me how to cope with daily grind?
Come and sample my home brew and beef and beer stew
when I make my debut to sail in a canoe with a gnu in Peru.

My friends tell me, "Try cricket stew.
It's tasty nutritious and new."
I say, "not a chance.
I'd much rather dance
With someone who's painted bright blue."

I'm painting my ceiling tonight
In colors all shiny and bright:
Fluorescent bright red.
At nght in my bed
I'll think about beets. What a sight!

Ti's the season of the Fall of the leaves
where they fall down into the eaves.
There will be plenty of storms
which will be stronger than the norm.
Hopefully there will be mist and fog
for the ramblers and those going on a jog.
Along with crispy lawns covered in frost
with spiders webs that are embossed.

Doctor Victor von Doom comes into the room
to banish all groom when he's riding on his broom.
There is a phoenix feather and a Hippogriff's plume
attached to the boom with roses that are in full bloom.
He would quietly fumes over his enchanted loom
as he weaves spells that hit the butler and the horse's groom.
From Latveria to Khartoum he will explore the lost heirloom
which holds much power when emitting a fragrant perfume.

I wait for my big chance to come.
It won't do to sit and act dumb.
So how can I win?
IOt won't do to sin,
But somewhere out there is a plum.

Show me the way to go home.
I am tired and I want to go bed.
Has anyone seen my family garden gnome
as the last time I saw him was in the shed.
I was having my last pint of ale
when I was with my friends Ron and Don.
I was looking over my post and mail
where I look on to the lawn where I saw a fawn.
Every time I go to the village show on the meadow
where you can hear me this song when wearing my silk sarong.
I will be playing my banjo on my way to the château
where I will be presented with an antique mah-jong.
But I will be having another drink that makes me wink
as I waddle on, while swaying and praying.
I will be making a psychic link with my dear pet cat
who's watching me crocheting while the carillon playing
as I fall on face down on the mat while wearing a top hat.

I want to hold your nose.
I want to hold your rose.
I want to hold your clothes.
I want to hold your throws.
I want to hold your band.
I want to hold your hand.
I want to hold your stand.
I want to hold your rand.
I want to hold your feet.
I want to hold your beet.
I want to hold your seat.
I want to hold your sheet.
I want to hold your leg.
I want to hold your peg.
I want to hold your egg.
I want to hold your keg.
I hand to hold your arm.
I want to hold your charm.
I want to hold your balm.
I want to hold your farm.
I want to hold your head.
I want to hold your lead.
I want to hold your bread.
I want to hold your thread.

My memory's turned to a ghost.
I used to be able to boast,
But now I'm star-crossed.
Of the tings I've lost
I'm missing my mind the most.

Oh yeah, here comes the bear
who wears a vintage headsquare.
He will tell you something, that I have got a ring
which will be tied on a piece of string.
I think you will understand
how I feel so grand about playing in the bass brand.

Oh please, say you're the bees knees to the bees
who can be a bit of a tease when hovering near the trees.
Please say to me that you want me to plant an oak tree
and to go on a wildlife garden shopping spree.
When I embrace you gently when at the Fraserburgh by the sea.
It makes me feel very happy inside when sitting on the beach slide.
You are my one true love that has come from heaven above
as watch the turtle dove hover over me while holding a foxglove.

I wish my hen would lay an egg.
She won't, though I plead, curse, and beg.
A friend that I used ter
Have said. "That's a rooster.
To find out, just lift up his leg."

I used to roast lamb chops for fun
enjoyed them so much in the sun
I had them with wine
from Greece - so divine -
now I leave all the work to my son

It's a sin to to make a din
when grinning at the bin.
I play the violin inside the Inn
which is run by the Mighty Quinn.

When I look upon my life
living in the kingdom of Fife.
I'm filled with worry and strife
on where I have placed my Swiss Army knife.

It's always been a sense of shame
that I have never attended a baseball game.
I never met a pantomime dame
who won fame with their unusual name.

Everything I long to do at the Edinburgh Tattoo
and the fringe festival run by a gnu called Hugh.
I feast on venison stew with my friend Pru
who's a culinary guru who's fluent in Zulu.

Everything I have done when eating a Chelsea bun
in the sun when taking part in a remote fun run.
I have met a nun who's habit has been spun
with sheep's wool and has a phaser gun that's set to stun.

At school they taught me to be carefree when drinking tea
but I want to go on a mad fashion shopping spree.
I'll go to Fraserburgh on Sea which fills me with glee
when walking down to the beach and down to the quay.

I was taught to be pure in thought word and deed
by learning to knead bread and to eat mashed swede.
I eat sliced bread with bacon and eggs that have been deeply fried
which helps me increase my superhuman speed.

They did not quite succeed as I formulated my own creed
where I drink mead which has been flavoured with flaxseed.
I have a need to be freed from boredom and clothes made from tweed
as I proceed to plead for no more rings made with a glass bead.

Mother forgive me for not looking after my honey bee
and for not buying organic locally made Brie.
For not planting an oak tree, elm tree or a hawthorn tree
or for not planting shrubs that will fill the wildlife with glee.

I tried to do it but I was trying to improve my humour and wit
and they way I crotchet and knit while keeping healthy and fit.
I fell out with Schmidt over how to write our comedy skit
and that I promised him to make him a luxurious banana split.

I turned over a new leaf with Keith who is a big chief
he has a made an unusual motto under his new motif.
Keith is overcome with grief when he lost his wheat sheaf
and not being able to recreate a reef or be able to buy organic beef.

Close your eyes and eat apple pies
with your French fries and tying your bow ties.
Give me your darling your best bling
when drinking a Singapore Sling .
Do you understand why laughter is canned
and why do you want to join a jazz band?
Do you hear my heart beating
when I turn up the central heating?
Am I only dreaming that you are screaming
that you are deviously scheming when the rain is teeming?
Is this a burning eternal flame, where nothing will be the same
when the Superball football game where you made your fame?

I'm picking some apples today.
The weather was s'pposed to be gray.
A raindrop or two,
And then a whole slew
Came down while we tried to make hay.