h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Parrot in Crow's nest
sang me a song:
Alas, my dear pirate
it will not be long
till we run out of rum
and pggb's
we needs to pillage
'fore we hit the high c's

Go everywhere, do anything
with Donald Duck driving a truck.
Glare at Donald's diamond bling
when it is being covered in muck.

When you are new in town
go and strut your stuff.
Then have a brew with a clown
called Hugh who is in a huff.

Join Hugh and Donald at the Ceilidh meet
at the Aviemore pub with Bob and Bub.
They planted a yew with the help of Pete
but had to stop when Bob lost his key fob.

I went to Tahiti in June.
I loved to just look at the moon.
Some painters were there.
One was painting a chair,
while eating some souffle of loon.

Joe West wears a mithril vest
when he was being put to the test.
He would jest when riding on a crest
and declare that he is thrice blessed.

Joe would go with the flow with Mo
when getting together to make it snow.
They would meet up on a remote meadow
and shout out whoa as the northerly winds blow.

The Autumn is coming, I think.
Twill be here before I can blink.
ill it bring me luck?
If not, I must duck,
And maybe twill drive me to drink.

A drive to a drink could be nice
and why not drink twice - and then thrice?
especially when I'm not paying
(for a pirate that goes without saying)

The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.
They lay, they rotted. They turned around occasionally.
Bits of flesh dropped off them from time to time.
And sank into the pool's mire.
They also smelt a great deal.

~ Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings

This song is going to get stuck in your head
when sung in the garden shed by Ned and Jed.
It is because it is so catchy that it improves your chi
and it fills you with glee when having a cup of tea.

It is such a catchy song that you want to wear a sarong
and learn how to play mah-jong when visiting Hong Kong.
This will make you feel like a happy chappy
when your dog Scrappy feels sappy about becoming a pappy.

Don't try to fight it as it will improve your humour and wit.
It will inspire you keep to healthy and fit when learning to knit.
The song will get stuck inside you and your friend Sue
in Edinburgh where every year when they have the military tattoo.

You can run but you can not hide underneath the banana slide.
When you stop fighting and take it in your stride.
The song will shine so bright and it will make you feel alright.
You may even become a noble Jedi knight that has the power of flight.

The swan's song was poignant and sad,
Which, given the type, wasn't bad.
I heard violins
Being played by some twins.
They made me think of my old dad.

There will be fun in the sun
as the Jedi nun sets her phaser to stun.
She will dance in France
while holding her lightsabre lance.

Oh, there goes Joe with the Jedi
mowing a meadow by the sea.
They will be swaying when the music is playing
as reindeers begin the snow sleighing.

I think I'll try panning for gold.
I'll gather whate'er I can hold.
I think I shall look
For gold in my brook,
Where goldfish are sassy and bold.

I do not want to know you name
even if you are the pantomime dame.
The way you did before falling on the floor
of the sailing ship as it takes you ashore.
You think that you have got a pretty face
and that you an astronaut who works in outer space.

There is a fox on the run with a nun
who are both eating a Chelsea bun.
They both scream for ice cream
which helps their self esteem.

Everybody that runs in the sun
will be having a lot of fun.
They will be hiding away
from Hurricane Renee's toupee.

The fox talks about every band
that makes him feel grand.
No-one can understand a word he utters
when his eyes wink, blinks and flutters.

The fox talks about every famous band
when doing a headstand and handstand.
The names that he drops when at the shop
makes the other shoppers want to flop.

It is nothing new as I have heard this before
from my cousin who is a famous music mentor.
I now see the fox and his family working on TV
selling bingo, beer, clothing and the foxglove tree.

The nuns that I've known were quite nice.
They seemed to have quite good advice
On religious matters
And roguish mad hatters,
and when's best for rolling your dice.

None is as smart as a nun
when it comes to creating a pun
"What is the matter
you crazy mad hatter"
she'll say to each son of a gun

Hello friends, my name is Queen Watevra Wa-Nabi.
I do what I want to do even if it means making it snow
as it makes feel free and easy when looking out to the sea.
I go with the flow when mowing a meadow with Joe.

I am the Empress who wants to impress
that I am not one of the evil queens that reigns supreme.
I play chess when wearing my cloak and evening dress
as my wardrobe is unique and never mainstream.

I am not a devious queen who wears only green
and I am not a super-villain as I have zero evil plans.
I am the dancing queen who is only seventeen
who has an array of space vans selling spray tans.

A Bishop thought he was smart
hoarded church gold in his cart
but it was taken from this saver
and return'ed as a favour
to the needy from this miser
by the lady Nun the Wiser

I have no interior motives, just want to help where I can.
I want to shower you with gifts because I am selfless and sweet.
I am friends with Stan and Anne who live in a transit van
which he bought in Crete and it can make it rain and sleet.
So, there is no reason at all to be suspicious of
as I am the least evil in queen in history which is not a mystery.
Well, if push comes to shove I will build a cove for a turtle dove
and plant several shrubs and trees for a banshee called Smee.

Maleficient, an evil queen
Was spiteful, and lovely, and mean.
You wanted her near,
Then she filled you with fear.
With her, each day was Hallowe'en.

You have read about in fairy tales or seen in the movies
and there is no reason to be suspicious of me.
I will do as I please even if I am a bit of a tease
whenever I make the rain freeze with my cold breeze.

There is no reason at all to be suspicious of me
as I am not evil, not even when wearing a bandeau.
I will invite you all for afternoon tea with members of the Cree
who will be sharing the recipe of honey, walnut and raisin sourdough.

I won't lie but I love eating blackberry and apple pie
as I am not going to imprison your family for high tea.
I have not got a dungeon where I keep eau de vie
which is locked with a special key which I bought in Dundee.