h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My new golden brown gown will be worn in town
accompanied by a clown with a huge frown.
My name is Teal'c and my gown is made of silk
and it is textured like milk said my friend Acker Bilk.
I will be wearing it at the flicks in the town of Wicks
at six while carrying a pair of chopsticks and a bag of tricks.

"Plato", said Socrates,
"this may come as a shock:
I found the key to afterlife
it is sitting in the hemlock"

Let's dance while we are in France.
Let's prance in the minister manse.
Put on your red shoes as you sing the blues
when you're planning a holiday to Santa Cruz.
Listen to the song on the radio when playing the banjo
"one man and his dog went to move a meadow.".
Let's sway and pray for winter snow enough for a sleigh
at Henri's soiree at the niche little Cairngorm cafe.
While colours light up your face when on a mad race
looking for your lost brief case that is covered in lace.

If you say that you will be going on a fun run in the sun
and will be having your hair tied in a home-spun styled bun.
I'll run with Sue, Hugh, Stu and Pru along with the rock steady crew
who are busy making a canoe that's made of bamboo.
And if you say hide, will hide with the groom and the bride
who's filled with pride at getting married by their spiritual guide.
If you should fall into my arms with all your special charms
and your organic farms that are protected by enchanted alarms.
And tremble like a flower next to the water tower
which embodies superpowers to all every day and every hour.

Do you see what I see?
I see a banshee drinking a cup of tea!
Do you do what I do?
I am playing a kazoo with a kangaroo!
Do you think what I think?
I will think that I will have another drink!
Do you walk they way I walk?
I will walk around the block wearing my new frock!
Do you speak like I speak?
I speak like a geek when I am visiting Crete!

I love your tiger feet
when I listen to the music's beat.
You are really neat
when you make it snow and sleet.
It is a real treat to dance down the street
and greet those who love to tweet.
So let us join the cool elite
who meet at my garden swinging seat.

All night long, I will sing a song
about the watch that does bong.
I will get lost in the disco throng
where everything is going wrong.

Yeah, Yeah, I am filled with cheer.
Yeah, Yeah, I will be filled with beer.
Yeah, Yeah, I am wearing my disco gear.
Yeah, Yeah, I am the dancing buccaneer.

You have been looking at me
as I am filled with glee at using my Wii.
I am holidaying at Leigh on Sea
where they have afternoon tea at three.

Well, you know the dancing hall
where they have they annual ball.
I will be wearing my woollen shawl
to take part in the dancing brawl.

I have been laying it down with a clown
who has been busy wearing my gown.
It has turned my blonde hair brown
whenever I use a verbal now.

You like the way I do my steak fondue,
my home brew and my new hairdo.
I will be making my life go with the flow
when I am ever with Flo and Joe.

I have got my hips swinging
whenever the churches bells are ringing.
I will be winging it while hand wringing
when I am water flinging and elastic pinging.

I will be talking to Anne who's my Afghan wolfhound
who has her own special dog playground.
I will play on the dogs roundabout near the mole's mound
and she winks at me without making a sound.

I have been laying it down with a clown
who has been busy wearing my gown.
It has turned my blonde hair brown
whenever I use a verbal noun.

Right now, there is a cow and a sow
who are standing next a snow plough.
Right now, I want to join the high brow
who want to talk on ways of making it snow.

Right here, I want to face the final frontier
by becoming a warp drive engineer.
We are approaching the solar cycle 25 year
that will be giving the coldies a lot of cheer.

The final frontier
Is something, I fear,
Will face me too soon,
Like maybe this year.

New challenges, no,
I want them to go,
So I can relax
And let my corns grow.

I will be seeing you and your new bijou.
I will watch you in all that you say and do
In all the familiar places and the familiar spaces.
This heart of mine embraces all people with their unusual faces.
I want to take part in virtual fun runs and races
which will endow me with many gifts and graces.

All day riding on your sleigh banishing all our dismay
while eating a hot baked potato which tastes parfait.
All through the dew covered field of view
with members of the elite and favoured few.
In that quaint Scottish cafe near by the railway.
It was in the park across the way
where we played croquet.
There was the children's carousel
which was decorated with a bluebell.

I will be seeing you when it begins to snow
or when we meet at the meadow.
In every winters day where everything is laced with rime
with windows frosted over that banishes all the grime.
Everything that is light and gay on my birthday
where winters joy holds their sway while I am drinking Café au lait.

I will always think of you that way when we first learned how to pray
for a successful harvest of hay and for the arrival of the blue jay.
I will find you in the morning sun eating a currant bun
with a religious sister nun who can lift a ton when telling me a pun.
And when the night is new, where Hugh, Pru and Sue
who all shout shoo at the reindeer and gnu sitting in the church pew.

I will be looking at the moon when holding a loving spoon
where baboons begin to swoon when hearing their favourite tunes.
Yes, I will dig you when waiting in a queue with my friend Babu
as we play a kazoo as we watch you practise kung-fu and jiu-jitsu.
In the early bright while having a fight with a knight
all through the knight while holding a box kite and a water sprite.

I find myself dreading the cold.
The winter's no time to be bold.
I'll sit by the fire.
The snow won't inspire
My love, as the seasons unfold.

I gave my true love a gold ring.
I ot it from some silly king.
IOt cost me a lot,
For cheap it was not,
And now my true love's praises I sing.

I wouldn't be where I am
Without this magical lamb
That runs my corporation
And saves me form frustration.

She handles my taxes,
And sends lots of faxes
To clients near and far,
And serves daiqueries from the bar.

My morning coffee is hot
(She makes it, believe it or not).
She's a true gem, it seems.
Too bad she's only in my dreams.

Dreams can be fickle
and jolly and gay
- but I dream of sickles
and acres of hay

I woke up screaming
turned of the alarm
- What am i, a peasant
who works on a farm?

There's many a peasant
For whom life's unpleasant,
While upper-class folks
Laugh and tell jokes.

I have got a funny feeling
that I have been dancing on the ceiling.
I have been double dealing
when I am ever free wheeling.

Tonight is going to be a good night
for having a Halloween fright.
Underneath the moonlight
where I stay in at a campsite.

Let us live it up
with the pup.
Let us all say yup
whenever we sup.

I got the money
and all the Manuka honey.
I am friends with Bugs Bunny
who is very funny.

Go out and smash it
when I am improving my wit.
I feel very healthy and fit
and full of determination and grit.

I shout out, oh my deity
Whenever I want to have a cup of tea.
It fills me with glee
at the eventual arrival of the honey bee.

I jump off the settee
when shouting whoopee
in the city of Dundee
where I can see the sea.

Let us all get off
The dove cove with a painted foxglove.
Fall in love
With those who come from above.

I know that we will have a ball
when singing at the market stall.
Wearing a traditional knitted shawl
when having a crawl in the shopping mall.

I feel stressed out about being oot and aboot
looking for vats of real ale and stout.
I want to have a knockabout
fight and even when pouting at the sauerkraut.

I say moseltov
when I feel like a toff.
I have fallen into a trough
when I get scoffed about my cold and cough.

I love to eat roast boeuf
whenever I have found another treasure trove.
I am looking for my lost therapeutic glove
which I may have got rid of.

Look at them dancing when they are prancing
which watchers find to be enticing.
They will be drinking and winking
as they begin their genetic splicing.

Go out and smash it
when improving my wit.
I feel very healthy and fit
and full of determination and grit.

I am losing control of the mole
that lives in a hole with a cave troll.
It is next to the leafy knoll
where there is a hidden scroll.

Let us paint the town
whenever we frown at the clown.
Let us wear our night gown
when wearing our silver and gold tiara crown.

Let us burn the roof
by using a hoof for a spoof.
Shout out poof
to make the roof fireproof.

And then we will do it again
by drinking a bottle of champagne.
Then we will travel by steam train
so as to take the strain when travelling to Maine.

Are we heading for Armageddon
Of the Covid-19 blight?
Is the end around the corner?
As each breath is now a fight.
Has world got to an impasse?
No way to beat.
An unseen virus takes lives from house and street.
They say by next year the vaccine will help.
But they are losing day by day.
The never ever ending fight.

I don't want to wallow in pity.
I live in a very nice city,
My furnace works fine.
On fine china I dine,
But the roads all are potholed and gritty.

Life's road is gritty
and sometimes it's sh*tty:
i fell to my knees
and gritted my teeth

Some day, when I am feeling low
about Flo and Joe going with the flow.
When the world is unfriendly and cold
and I am feeling bold about looking after the sheep fold.
I am a lost shepherd who has a singing blackbird
and I am a weather nerd that likes to eat lemon curd.
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
whenever I feel so lonely, sad and blue.
And the way you look tonight
underneath the moonlight which is so bright.