h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm waiting for Dame Luck to smile,
A gesture to please and beguile.
I'd love lots of money,
And jokes that are funny,
So life wouldn't be such a trial.

Right here, right beer,
right deer, right seer.
Right night, right fight,
right kite, right light.
Right now, right cow,
right plough, right lough.

I've ordered some groceries online.
I hope that they will come on time
For Florentine stew.
I love it, I do.
To not enjoy food is a crime.

I ordered some shoes from the net
They arrived but I soonly knew that
They would never fit
but return I'd regret
expense would be more than I'd get

There is a spot in my heart
that I am calling my own.
There is a place in the mart
where lives my clone.

There is a depth in my soul
never revealed or known.
There is a place where I stroll
where I play the trombone.

There is a place in my memory
that the life that you fill.
Where you fill it with glee
when I walk up the hill.

No-one can ever take it.
No-one will ever will.
So, I will learn how to knit
from dear friend Phil.

Sure, I love the dear silver
that shines in your hair.
That reminds me of Quicksilver*
and his dear cousin Claire.

The forehead brow that's lined
and wrinkled with care.
I will always keep you in mind
when I sit down at daily prayer.

I kiss your dear fingers
so toil-worn for me.
The wisdom that you taught me lingers
when I am looking out to sea.

Oh, deities bless you, my dear mother
and keep you in their dear loving care.
As well as the love from my sister and brother
when we sit by the fireside chair.

*Marvel Quicksilver Petro Maximoff

I don't know where my sheep have gone.
I last saw them out on the lawn.
They're prob'ly cavorting.
I'll soon hear reporting
Of very strange carrying on.

Yesterday all my problems seem so far away
and I hope that they will never return.
I will sit down in a quiet place to pray
for a sign of hope that I greatly yearn.

Wise folk tell me that the grey days won't last
and sunnier and warmer days will be coming back.
I look back when I was much younger in times past
when I would walk in the rain wearing my favourite mac.

What would you do if I sang out of tune
would you stand and walk out on me?
What would you do if I ran a bar saloon
that was placed by the hawthorn tree?

Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
I will try and not make it too long
as I sing about afternoon tea by the sea.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.
They will be with me through the bitter end.
I will get help in sorting out my odds and ends
while I am tending my garden at the weekend.

I wish I could go where it's warm,
And not have to wade through a storm.
The palm leaves would wave,
The kids would behave,
And life is above every norm.

The following poem was inspired by a chance meeting when Jim was at a cafe and heard an elderly gentleman say "I am not ready to die yet." Jim recited me the poem below over the telephone to me:

Poem Never give up

When life gets you down
And the world is a mess.
Don’t get depressed,
pick yourself up.
And shout at the sky,
You’re not giving up
To the day that you die.
Life’s still worth living
As the world falls apart.
You know that you will get through it
And make a new start.

This thread got its start in 2009.
Some good stuff's been written, and some not so fine.
We cannot be clever ev-e-ry day,
So just do your best, and come here to play.

I was cheated by you
and I think you know when.
I saw you with Hugh
and Ben in Berlin.

So I made up my mind
it must come to an end.
I feel unjustly maligned
by my boyfriend.

Look at me, I will never learn?
I don't know how.
I will greatly discern
how to use my snow plough.

I know it won't ever be used
as it rarely snows in the UK.
It makes me feel confused
when staying at a Highland cafe.

It's the Northern Pacific's fault
as it has become very warm.
I wish it would permanently halt
and become much cooler than norm.

But I suddenly lose control there's a fire within my soul.
I want decimate the winds of the North Pole.
Just one look I can hear a church bell ring
One more look and I forget everything,
As I begin to sing on the garden swing
and learn how to dance the Highland fling.

I wish I had climate control superpowers
as I would cool down all the oceans.
I would even grow wildlife friendly flowers
with the help of magic spells and potions.
I would make it warm in the right places
creating a Northern Atlantic Tripod.
I will go and cover all my bases
and will be greatly applauded by Todd.

I'm reading some old nonsense verses.
I hope it can drive out some curses.

The Joker plays Poker
when wearing his choker.
Batman wears a Kaftan
when driving in a van.
Robin has a twin
called Gwyn who grins.
Harley Quinn makes a din
when playing her violin.
Commissioner Gordon
wears nylons with long johns.

Throw the bell into the well.
Cast a magic spell in the dell.
Make it smell and make it swell
and jell when we begin to yell.

Bake a cake by the lake
feed sirloin to a grass snake.
Take Jake to the drake
to watch a quake with Blake.

Put the gin in the bin.
Make a din with a pin.
Take a hike on your bike.
Like Mike for his trike.

Walk around the office block.
Talk about your new party frock.
Sit by the loch with a hawk
and the rock around the clock.

Bake a cake by the lake
feed sirloin steak to a grass snake.
Take Jake to the drake
and watch him create an earthquake.

Stroll to the North Pole.
Make a hole for a mole.
Watch the Superbowl with a foal.
Share an egg roll with a troll.

The jet-stream is a real pain
as it brings us milder winters.
As our hopes go down the drain
saddening the local vintners.

All we get is the pest from the West.
It creates us a souped up Atlantic Ocean.
Putting Ireland and the UK to the test
as the dreich weather and storms are set in motion.

All we get is a continuing Fall of the leaves weather.
There will be non stop rain lasting for 120 days.
As we finally are at the end of our tether.
No sign of frost or snow coming which greatly dismays.

[a goodp oem form the archives[

The cat who thinks he's a lion
Is one that I must keep my eye on.
The cat who thinks he's a jaguar
Is really going too far.
The cat who thinks he's a horse
Is crazy, of course!

Ground control Major Tom
and take your protein pills.
So please try and be calm
during the thrills and spills.
Put on your helmet on
(Ten) ground control (nine)
to Major Tom (eight, seven).
So go and dine at nine
on leaven from Heaven in Devon.
(Six) commencing (five) countdown
engines on, (four, three, two).
Major Tom you'll look good in your gown
when drinking your special brew.
Check ignition (One)
and may the Deities love be with you.
You will be filled with fun eating a currant bun
with a (soft toy) kangaroo who's only wearing one shoe.