h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Let us boast about having the oldest ghost
who haunts the most that smells like burnt toast.
It's the one place that everyone receive a red letter
and a brand sweater along with a red setter.
It is a village where everyone puts on the kettle
when they are in fine fettle by drinking tea made with nettles.

Sheep leap over the jeep
when trying to get to sleep.
They weep when they see a heap
and a shepherd peep at the chimney sweep.

Stupid Cupid you're a real mean guy
I'd like to clip your wings so you can't fly.
You won't be getting my apple pie
nor will you be getting a bottle of eau de vie.

I'm in love and it's a crying shame
And I know that you're the one to blame.
You came late at the annual ball game
as you said you were too busy making your name.

Hey, hey set me free to drink tea at three.
Stupid Cupid stop picking on me when I am by the sea.
I cannot do my homework and I can't think straight.
I meet him every morning about half past eight.
I will also be meeting him at the village winter's fete
next to the field's gate where I will see Nate.

I'm acting like a lovesick fool.
You've even got me carrying his books to school.
We even meet by the swimming pool even in Yule
where he presents me with a very expensive and precious jewel.

You mixed me up for good right from the very start.
Hey now, go play Robin Hood with someone else's heart.
I will present you with my strawberry and raspberry tart
along with go-cart and my garden wheelbarrow and cart.

[Are you writing the poems that are here in addition to the ones in your NaJoPoWhatever thread?

Yes, I am writing poems on my journal and other here.

How many hours
A day do you spend
Writing your poems,
My dear friend?

I tend not to read them.
Don't be offended.
I cannot read everything
Any one friend did.

My eyes are old.
My tale's been told.
I just want the highlights,
better if it delights.

The silliest verse is the best.
It usually passes this test:
It makes your eyes cross,
And causes a loss
Of sanity, logic, and rest.

I hope that my ship will come in.
It's bringing some bacon and gin.
And when it arrives,
I'll order some knives
And have brunch with some of my kin.

I found that I'm missing some spoons.
They may have been stolen by loons.
I won't get them back
Lest I drag out my rack
Just to scare them, for they are poltroons


[poltroons are utter cowards. A threat would be enough to sway them]

If I knew you would be coming
I would have baked a cake.
I'll be humming when drumming
as I add another chocolate flake.

The cake will be a glorious gateau
which will be flavoured with cognac.
Good enough for a marquis
who's lives in a château down a cul-de-sac.

I have not seen you in many a year
but now you turn up unexpectedly.
Don't have any wine but I do have beer
which will make you want to shout 'whoopee'.

Had you dropped me and an email,
I would have recruited a band.
Along with buying organic real ale
from Yorkshire that tastes grand.

I would have spread a welcome mat for you
and shout out "well, well, look who's here?".
I'd make the best seared steak fondue
that will fill you with much cheer, dear.

I didn't know I would drop in.
I simply went out for a spin.
Your lights were all on.
The snow on your lawn
Beckoned. Let the party begin.

There once was a boomer called Karen
she sued ev'ry person she met
she even sued swim trainer Sharon
because the water was wet

I sometimes think my generation
Assumes it can rule every nation.
But pass the baton.
The world will move on,
And Then take a well-earned vacation.

Time has been reversing
and now we are in the year of 2021.
I will be busy rehearsing
songs, stories, poems that homespun.

I look at my computer and it's says its 18th February 1968
and the computer disappears as I find myself in Ashington.
This is great as I have met up with school play mate
and it's a whole lot of fun when eating a currant bun.

My dad gets a job in Newcastle upon Tyne
where he is given a company car.
We move to a house with a garden with Pine and a vine
and it is where I learn how to play the piano and guitar.

Our new home will be in Rosalind Street
which is close by the Hirst school and park.
In our garden we have a swing garden seat
and being able to hear the song of the lark.

I once got lost in the park when having a lark.
Oh wee, oh wee, oh wee, can we now go?
I then met up with Quark who's afraid of the dark!
Can I say you-who to Homer Simpson and Mo?
As long as we stop off to visit Tony Stark.
But won't he show us him family home and château?

haiku
- - -
scorn, awful heron!
reuse booze, askew payee!
smash nylon offer!
- - -
(this haiku was brought to you with the assistance
of yesterdays wordle.com, waffle.com and quordle.com)

There are no classified documents in the loo.
The kitchen and den are documentless too.
If I had any, the mice
Would have shredded them twice,
And mixed them with most of their poo

Gilbert Godfrey Goosegrease has a diet just for you.
It emphasizes celery, which takes hard work to chew,
And gives you lovely fiber with scanty calories,
So eat your fill. For seconds? Unsweetened cranberries.

For gourmet fare there's frogs' legs, a dish that's quite top-shelf.
The catch is this: you've got to go and catch the frogs yourself.
For snacking, there's pistachios. In great regard they're held,
But don't you go and buy them if they are already shelled.

He also offers natto, made of soybeans long fermented,
A powerhouse of protein, lots of vitamins presented.
In Tokyo it's really such a culinary star.
The Japanese just love it, and behold how thin they are.

Everybody is talking about new ways of walking.
Everybody is chatting about new ways of batting.
Everybody is flocking about new ways of smocking.
Everybody is plaiting whenever they are matting.

Does anyone read what I write here?
Raise your hands if you in fact do.
Only three people will see this, I fear,
And that includes me and you