h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

NONSENSE VERSE; OR, THE SILLINESS OF THE IAMBS

Alas, we're doomed to disagree
On what defines bad poetry.
The silly poem's another matter,
Embraced by every mad mad hatter.

("Easy for him to say," you mutter,
"He is clearly such a nutter!")
Dear friend, please let me explain:
Us silly sorts might be quite sane.

Leave aside your apprehension.
Silly verse can ease your tension.
Come, and bring your wackiest stuff.
Here you can be silly enough.

Paul, you should offer these to

Flubby am, his, budddering al poxpass
Moxtteep, inn, - whirr whirr
derrrbeeck, seine, verdunpishk ceedee roxpeeze
yakack-pus, ewe, joosom toofidou
loaffy gipps, no, hupmugittz deb jipper lipugoff
figgic hov, ough, hovvo-ovv gittegik
punes pangop, swell, yim kokaton

There was a man called Fran who had a plan.
His plan was to go and bake a flimflam flan.
Full of air and lots of room to spare.
Filled with ramblings and brambles.

Took it to his friend Han who lived in an outspan.
Where Han would take to eat at the fun fayre.
Then later both of them went fishing in Amble for quibbles.
Sat down and grumbled whilst both of them talked to a van.

Towels towels
Cheap towels!
get em b4 there all gone!
see Lil on the way out -
she'll change your money
into something more secure

There was a plumber,
Young boiler Ben
Who had no cat
So he took a hen
He drove through the lanes
His van was pink
With the window full down
Because of the stink
The hen kept her head outside
Bens a curryholic
Its hard to hide
Tandori,balti,Bombay vindaloo
The morning after the radio's blaring
A van swerves by-COCKADOODLEDOOOO!!!!

Good ones, people!

I'll try to think of something next time I come...

Off to a brilliant start!

For tea we're serving garlic jam
Spread on slices of cold roast lamb
Our lunch was eggs with mustard sauce
And breakfast merely sprigs of gorse
Tomorrow's menu's much the same
Except it'll all have a different name
The people come from far and near
They've heard it's lovely eating here!

SONG

[E. Morton Sideswindler]

Many people on the B P thread
Were writing silly poetry instead
The trouble is
That some wasn't silly or bad by far
- Having a certain je ne sais quoi

However, by train, boat, verse, sentence, ambulance or car
This silly thread might be another star
Together would be great, but as a rule
While you're busy acting, being the fool
I fear the first thread
Will beciome forgotten, dead,
No more than a faded memory
Along with its poetry.


[And anyway, Spike Milligan rules, for me!]

Ode to Paul

"I am old" said the crone.
And tired, frail and bent,
Yet always has interest,
In Paul's every attempt.

He chats and encourages,
gives strenth when 'tis needed,
I sure wish that he
Could fly and be greeted,

by all of his fans,
who hang on his words.
Dear Paul when will you come,
To these shores that are girded

With lots of us waiting,
By hearth, road and heath.
Dear Paul please come quickly,
Or we shall all weep.

Well not really.. But it would be great to meet you before ... well you know what happens to ten out of ten of us. !!

CME
AR80

Fear not good Jabs
BP will not decay
The nonsense thread
Is not 'instead'
It's an added way to play!

Bad poetry comes willy-nilly,
Awkward, cloying, sometimes frilly.
In this thread, there's lots that's silly.

Say hello to Jose for me.
I think I will invite him for tea.
As well as supper with cod and brie.
We will go to the seaside for a shopping spree.
Then we will full of glee and lots of good chi.
This will give us superhuman powers that will make us fly.
So let us fly to the sea with slices of bread and ghee.
Where we will spy at the sky and look for a guy called Bligh.

There's a man in our street with one extra head,
That's not how he was born, it was grafted instead
of a penis which was somehow mislaid during birth.
(The midwives were admonished for unsavoury mirth.)
He's old now of course but still can be found,
Conversing with himself as he walks round and round.
One head is high brow, admires paintings on walls,
The other's quite low and talks utter b*lls.

Thick sandwiches are useful
For levelling table legs.
Onions can be made to serve
Instead of scrambled eggs.
The skin from off the custard
Makes covers for my books
Whilst crackling from a leg of pork
Will help with trapping rooks.

I'm living down a well with three legged spiders,
A four eyed cat and a talking,
The six five special blows through at five forty three,
And the wine bottle cries since she lost her cork.
The Queen of thetakes high tea at ten,
With the King of repartee who's stuck for a word.
He eats a dictionary a day and a thesaurus as well.
But every other word that he utters comes out absurd.

Come to my house for dinner at two.
We've deep-fried some jello, and baked some beet stew.
The dog made dessert, and the cat fixed the dip.
We will give you leftovers, so have a safe trip.