h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There was a dog who likes to mog.
Especially when the dog found a cog.
The cog was fixed to a hog.
When the fog came down.
And everyone tried to frown.
Where everyone started to jog.
So they went to the pub to have an egg nog.
Then a frog appeared drinking some grog.
As the frog drank, soldiers appeared with the heretog.
Then they all jended up on a log with a decalog.

Down at my pub there sits a lurker,
Who claims that he's a titled lord.
He's seldom seen but forever there,
And frequents every message board.

He often means to make a statement,
And takes a breath to say a word.
His jaw adjusts and his mouth opens,
But of a sound there's nothing heard.

Now he'd like a beer or lemonade,
Whichever one that cometh first.
But it's sad to say no voice has he,
I fear he's bound to die of thirst.

Meow, meow, meow.
Wow, wow, wow.
Lets go and talk to the cow.
Row, row, row.
Coo, coo, coo.
But do it now, said the sow.
No, no, no.
Bo, bo, bo.
It won't do, said the frau.
Go, go, go.
He, he, he.
Laughed the cat and dog.
As they watched the fuss.
But as it became foggy, they all ended in the bog.
With a bus along with Russ and Guss who were there to discuss.

I'm leaving my fortune to my cat.
I feel it's best this way.
He'll sleep all day and get quite fat,
And then pull Santa's sleigh.

I found a rake that was talking to a cake.
And the cake was on the floor next to the sheikh.
Then the sheikh discovered oil after the quake.
So the sheikh disappeared and then came the snake.
As the snake awoke and found itself in a lake.
It was on the make and was dining on a steak.
Out of the water, leapt a giant hake.
Who made a mistake and blamed it on a walrus called Blake.
And Blake was on a bike, who broke his brakes.
Fell on to the hake, who started to ache.
The hake's name was Jake and he liked to take.
And along with Mike the snake, painted a fake.
But this made Bert the rakre angry about all the mistakes.
So they decided to call it a day and partake in drinking milk shakes.

I will try it again without the mistakes:

I found a rake that was talking to a cake.
And the cake was on the floor next to the sheikh.
Then the sheikh discovered oil after the quake.
So the sheikh disappeared and then came the snake.
As the snake awoke and found itself in a lake.
It was on the make and was dining on a steak.
Out of the water, leapt a giant hake.
Who made a mistake and blamed it on a walrus called Blake.
And Blake was on a bike, who broke his brakes.
Fell on to the hake, who started to ache.
The hake's name was Jake and he liked to take.
And along with Mike the snake, painted a fake.
But this made Bert the rake angry about all the mistakes.
So they decided to call it a day and partake in drinking milk shakes.
And where joined by a duck who was called Drake and who was wide awake.
Eating pizza with plenty of cupcakes , which they finished off with a bake.
But some were still hungry and made several pancakes which they had with sake.

Nay nay nay
keep that coffee away
i need a beer dear, dont leer
a whisky, frisky, with frosty bits
and peace n quiet like old lady knits
will do fine, jane , donr explain Rain in Spain just now

...-Jane ; don't explain rain in /Spaqin just now.

........."SPaiN!".................

From seven million light years hence,
A long long way to roam,
The aliens have come to Earth.
What's brought them from their home?

We asked them when they disembarked,
So haggard, pale, and gaunt.
Their leader candidly remarked,
"I'll tell you what we want:

Our poison ivy crops won't grow.
Great famine hurts us now,
And chicken soup, our age-old foe,
Springs up where e'er we plow.

You've poison ivy you can spare,
And chicken soup's your friend.
Please, let us trade, we all can share.
If not, we face our end."

Earth's representatives thought hard,
And said, "We'll work with you,
But much that we want to discard
We hope that you'll want too.

We're short on oil, and also cash,
But drunken stars? Too many!
Please take them! They've caused many a crash!
But dollars, have you any?"

"Our dollar plants are everywhere,"
The alien chief replied.
"For drunken stars we really care.
We've oil fields long and wide."

The trade was made, a great success!
One final gift they gave:
Ten billion videos, VHS.
Their exit then they made.

The Earthlings watched with great dismay.
Their hopes had been for nought.
"These videos we can't give away,"
Said one. "Those aliens rot."

A scientist said, "They won't get far.
These videos they'll reclaim.
You see, I have their warp drives here.
We'll make them play *our* game."

Yeee-haaa!
Nice one Paul!

Thanks, Amelia.

You're welcome!

I'm wondering if Amelia's latest on BP should really have come here?

Tone was on the phone and wanted to have a groan.
He lifted up the receiver and started to moan.
And Tone turned around and a man had grown next to him.
But he could not see very well as it was quite dim.
As the light grew stonger, he had found that he had a clone.
The clone was called Tone2 who liked to drone.
As he ventured out in the street, he sat on a traffic cone.
Where people passing by would throw him a juicy bone.
This infuriated Tone1 so he sat on his throne made of stone.
And shouted out to the people passing by to leave Tone2 alone.
All the people atoned by flying towards a cyclone.
Which made them feel very calm as they were blown.
As they started to grow, their faces shone.
And they found that they were now 8 foot tall.
Along with the Tones, who started to call for the ball.
Wearing their flowing robes and billowing gowns.
They flew into the unknown as the skies rained down cologne.
Such beautiful perfume, the crowd and the Tones smelt.
Which turned all the houses into chesse that melt.
So Tone1 and Tone2 showed them what to do as they flew to the eating zone.
And everyone feasted on the cheese houses and had their fill.
Which was quite a thrill as they all finished it off with a grill.

Don't forget our illustrious ex-prime minister Tone Blair.
(I'd slag him off but that's not fair)

Now,Now ! !

Impetuous young man,!

Somewhere there should be included Kindness/Justice in order to qualify. !!

I know it is only a "silly" poem but .....


Christiane AR80

A fox called Sachs that lives in a box.
And wears odd coloured socks.
As well as a necklace made of rocks.
Sending out electric shocks.
Which makes his neighbors spout out magnox.
That makes them act very unorthodox.
As they go and argue with their toolbox,
At break he dines on honeyed roast ox.
Whilst knocking on the clock in their frilly smocks.

The clock had just struck one,
And young King Louis was upset.
"My glorious reign cannot allow
Such trifling hours yet.

I now decree that noon shall last
until the stroke of three.
In my great kingdom, there shall not
Be ones or twos for me."

Good one Paul,

Egad! Forsooth!
No one or two?
When then shall we take lunch?
I'm sure
That neither I nor you
Can wait til three to munch!

A.T.