h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just sent you some nice courgettes my precious!

As for being able to give yourselves BJ's; somebody once told me "The human race only continues to exist because of 1 & Quarter inches, which has been proven to be the shortfall between the most desperate man & the ability to BJ himself"

As for us ladybumpowners; te he, we are much too clever to even bother trying, ho ho ho, many & varied are the means....

zdt

I envy 'ladybumpowners' ability to, theoretically, pleasure themselves whilst walking down the high street with nobody being any the wiser!

Te he; try the number 35 bus in Birmingham; oh dearie me, back in the 80's there were top decks full of clacker balls & dreamy eyed young ladies rattling over the roadworks, all for the price of a one way ticket to the Bull Ring....

Those were the daze my fiend; we thought we'd never end...& you could still have a fag on the top deck afterwards (see, something in it for the lads after all!)

zdt

Yeah, it's all good fun really

I've heard of people saying they can do it 5-6 times in a nite.......ooooooooohhhhhhh I wish I could.....I'm bloody knackered most of the time

The Oz PM once told his people to get on their backs to populate Australia- maybe I ( + everyone else here)should go + give them a hand

Wattaray

Ooo The hand/mouth combination is definatley the prefered method as regards BJs.... Epecially as most male 'members' would just be too long anyhow to get too far back in ones mouth if you see hwat I mean and of course one can do some action on teh 'member' with both the hand as well as teh mouth My thoughts on swallowing have I believe been expresed before, and I suggests everyone reads the house rules for H2G2 where it quite clearly states no spitting anyhow its rude to spit

it is indeed. very rude..

back to the topic of self pleasure!

there is one yoga position, not sure if women are better shaped to do it or not.. basically imagine you're doing the old fashioned bicycle (i.e. balanced on your shoulders/neck, with your feet and legs straight up in their air, elbows behind you on floor and hands supporting back..)

now.. what you need to do is drop your feet down so they are on the floor behind your head and then bend your knees in ... (you must be very warmed up by about a half hour at the least of yoga before you do this, and it is one of the more advanced moves, so please, i dont want to see any hospital stories on here over the weekend..)
so now your knees are on the floor by your ears, and if you're appendage is more than a couple of inches long i would imagine (if one were naked and that way inclined) you wuld be able to get yer mouth round it!!!!

at the thoughts.. cant see too many people getting into a state of great arousal in that position...... otherwise i think it's nigh on impossible to get ones pleasure alone that way..
you could always troll the sex toy sites. they do a healthy line of mens toys too, some of them might possibly be wearable under ze clothing???...

and while we're on the subect....

todays' topic (please no fluffing or pharting.. i have a hangover just kicking in and would prefer to discuss something less likely to make me chuck up me bagel).

sex toys... discuss.. (yeah yeah we touched on it before but more please).. start with the clackin balls.. i do have a set but i never found them fantastic. do i need the vibrating ones?

Oo sex toys I've got a few but keep meaning to get more and don't forget they ain't just for ones self pleasure whilst on your own... They can be used with one's partner if they are in to such things of course

This post has been removed.

oooo i dooo loike a bit o cyber (carry on type voice)

yes been there, done that. and in the right mood it is great fun and very erotic (tho them as wot's never done it or never gone on msn think it's terrible, perverted, slapperish wanton behaviour...(bats eyelashes. ''ooooo do you really think so''?? thanks)
..


in the wrong mood it can leave you feeling cheap and brazen and used...... also great fun lol...


and yes it has happened with people i have never no am i ever likely to meet.. and i think we discussed this before...it brings out a side of you that, if you're a bit shy, might not normally be seen, because you are in the security of your own place, with no threat or nobody laughing at you, so you can totally relax and be a bit braver than normal.
it can be like sex therapy for some people in a way.. they become more aware of how they feel about things.. if you know what i mean.. what turns them on mentally... (which is really what turns you on physically as well in a lot of ways)

ok.. rant over .. goin for more chocolate...wine... and other friday type food

chow4now.

Yeah the Yoga moves are cool + deliteful. I wish I was a master at tantric sex though............oooooooooohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhh make it last for hours + hours.

Any good positions for going deep.....ooooooooohhhhhhhhh I like dat. F++K buddies are cool too

Wattaray

Clacker balls were dead in the late 70's, dunno if they still are now? They only worked for me whilst on that nice bumpity but i later discovered the nice bumpity & a pair of tight jeans worked just as well, if not better.

I once went to work with the clacker balls in for a dare; i was a primary teacher at the time, i was bloody terrified one of the little innocents might say "Please miss why do you makenoises when you move?"

The same guy who bought me those also bought me a really brilliant vibrator (er, i should explain, he was roadie with a group touring Amsterdam!)This was really the s bo**ox, very nifty black & gold 3 speed gear jobbie & certainly did the trick. In fact, did it rather too quickly IMO, could never get my fantasy finished!

Te he, dildo peeps, todays topic: fantasies....but be warned, once you tell all about your favourite ones, sometimes they don't work any more! And let's not forget, the essence of an effective fantasy is it's usually something you absolutely wouldn't dream of doing or enjoying in reality (er....so i dunno where that leaves 2legs, since he seems to have done just about everything!)

zdt

I'm still of the opion that for "toys" a good mink glove is one of the best.... battery ones are brilient for the right occasions, but over all, the mink glove is for both partners.... oooOOoooOoooh its great on your back.....

Battery operated mink gloves? Wow; i haven't lived!!! I have slept with ferrets though, i imagine it's fairly similiar, but they damn well will not do as they are told! Lovely wriggly cuddly fluffy snuggly though!

zdt

blade and bandit... 2 very wriggly ferret boys look very interested

can't imagine sleeping with them..what if i crushed the little darlings.. him outdoors would murder me...

i dont like animals in bed..


god , did i really say that? i didn't mean it.. u know what i meant. i meant hairy ones.

ooerrrr. i didnt mean that either.

erm..

ok. 4 legged fuwwy cweatures are not allowed in my bed.. all 2 legged hairy animals considered .. phew..


evening FL and Terri

i've just overdosed on big brother.
i watched it about twice over the last 3 weeks and i am glad that michael barrymore got to the end, and that chantalle looks alright, in a fluffy kind of way.. dont care really.
so.. what's the thing? Fantasy?

i dont have any particularly way out ones.. probably the usual .. meet a handsome stranger in a crowded place and have him not able to resist me.. .. course that happens to me every day .. snigger..

More details please:

Handsome: define your idea of handsome "Hand some of those s to me or i will knee you in the nuts!" doesn't count)

Crowded place: hmm; why? So Heathcliff & deserted moor/desert island stuff is out then. What sort of crowded place; nightclub, spit 'n sawdust pub, auction, nuclear bomb shelter?

(Oh stop me, "Deserted Moor".... i feel all funny, Nubian slave time again...)

The biggie: Why can't he resist you?

The even biggier biggie: then what?????

Hey, we should play Filty Consequences....

"Aye Bee met...XXXXX

In/at....XXXXX

zdt

ok. i had this friend years ago. he was a child hood sweetheart, but he was 5 or 6 years older than me, so the sweetheart bit was one sided on my side, cos he was about 17 and me about 12.. but frightfully handsome in a drop dead gorgeous richard gere type of way..
i would have crossed the ocean on a saucer to get a smile off him u know? (this is not normal aye bee behaviour.. so it stays between u and me terri ok? breathe a word and i'll knife ya)

anyway we were penpals and he was always v eager to meet up every year when his family came here for the summer etc.. when i was 16, he finally grabbed me and kissed me one day (ok it was in a wood, the wood would do.) and i really really thought i had died and gone to heaven for about a month.. but they dont live anywhere near here, and he was in Oxford at college and i was still in school.. so nothing ever really happened.. we still wrote to each other and i was great pals with the rest of his family, still write to his mum.. but.. unrequited love i suppose it was. so i never forgot him.. he lives in brazil now, with another... (back of hand on brow, pained expression)..

so my fantasy probably based on me being somewhere, available and alone in a crowd, we spot eachother, recognition, smile, spark, cross the room and take up where we left off.. shag passionately in the car park and live happily ever after lol..
and it goes on to just being a stranger..
and yes, the heathcliff thing is also a must. .. but it's usually a build up of passion, suggestive glances, and someone else taking control.


now. the game.. what's the thing with the game. i never heard of it before..

rules plez

I wish to know the best sex position s please for deep entry.......ooooohhhhh shabang.

i do like your suggestions of sex toys......i must get me some of dat


Wattaray