h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4788517.stm

A line from Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights - "Garlic bread, it's the future, I've tasted it" - has been named the best comic one-liner in an online poll.

Would you agree that this the best? Admittedly it's not bad, but I'm not convinced it's the best. What would be your favourite one liner?

"The world is your lobster, my son" - Arthur Daley, Minder.

Where to begin?

"If ah ever catch you with yer fingers in the till Budgie, ah'm gonnae chop 'em off at the armpits."
Charlie Endell.

How about a two-liner?
"We were on opposite sides of the street, our eyes met and something elctric passed between us."
"Yes, I remember that. I think it was a tram."
Robert's Robots.

From Antiques corner...

"I'm free!"

"La-di-da Gunner Graham"

"Don't panic, Mr. Mainwaring!"

RF

I think it was the looking to the left and the right before the "i'm free" that was the best bit! and, of course, the mince!

The old'uns still seem to be the best'uns

And on the subject of showing my age

Eric Morcombe to Andre Previn (or Preview, whichever you prefer)

I*am playing all the right notes sunshine- but not necessarilly in the right order.

"That I do Fletcher. I killed him"

The ultimate in one-joke comedy: a whole 30-minute episode of Porridge building up to the best punchline written for any sitcom.

B

Max and Paddy - the episode where Max first tells of his 'small' girlfriend:
Max:"..she's a kind of midget.."
Paddy:"what?? like the Queen song??"

Also watched 'Up Pompeii' on sky for the first time the other night. Its showing its age but still funny. Must have been hilarious when first aired.
"..he's so tight fisted, always pleading poverty, pleading poverty all the time...a right miserable pleader"

'They don't like it up 'em y'know'
Corporal Jones... Dad's army.

DK

Another Eric Morecambe gem:

(watching ambulance pass the window, lights and sirens going)

"He's not going to sell much ice cream going at that speed!"



Lx

Did anyone watch that programme on the history of comedy in liught entertainment last night?

Darn it! Missed it! Was it on *whispers* ITV?


"*cough*Arsenal!"

Lx

More than one line, but a favorite bit of dialogue from "Phyllis":

"Our daughter wants to marry a boy whose parents are midgets."

"Has she found one yet?"



"Our daughter wants to marry a boy named Bob whose parents are midgets!"

"That's gonna be really tough, maybe she could find a boy and he could change his name."

From "Carry on Cleo"?

Infamy Infamy They've all got it infamy.

SWL, someone had to say it!

It probably should be classed as the all time classic one liner. The trouble is, it was just so good I think its been over-used now and lost some of its perfection.

Perhaps its become too infamous?

It's not from TV though - that's a movie quote. And once you get into movie one-liners there are three films that eclipse all others put together - Blazing Saddles ("Are we awake?" "We're not sure. Are we... black?" "Yes, we are." "Then we're awake, but very puzzled."), Withnail and I ("We've gone on holiday by mistake.") and The Man Who Would be King ("He can break wind at both ends, simultaneous, which I'm willing to bet is more than any god can do.").

"Oh, you're not narrow minded are you? Only when Tony and I make love in the garden he tends to scream a bit, don't you. I'd love to stay and chat only it's time for my aubergine. Oh, there go my shoes again!"
Gary - Men Behaving Badly

From the series that (in my opinion) has the best lines ever, The Simpsons:

Now for that happy period between the lie and the time it's found out. -Homer Simpson

Catch phrases or lines that I remember


Don't tell them your name Pike - Dad's Army


I'm the only gay in the village - Little Britain

Really? Personally, I wouldn't call 'The only gay in the village' one of the best lines ever. Memorable, certainly. However, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

A one-liner should be funny out of context. That Little Britain one isn't. Nor is the Dad's Army one, come to that.

Oscar Wilde is the best source of one-liners, but if you're restricting it to TV ones, I can't help much. I'm a radio chap.

TRiG.

maybe it's just my sense of humour, but "Don't tell him your name, Pike" *is* funny out of context