h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

going away for weekend and want to catch up later

Thanks Mudhooks for starting such a brilliant thread. It's had me laughing out loud!

I used to work in my cousin's newsagency in Sydney. Most of the customers were very nice but we did have some doosies as we weren't too far from the drug and prostitution centre of town.

There was one woman who came in who had a few problems. She would always buy 5 packets of cigarettes and another 5 packs of the same type except menthol. We had a policy of giving a discount for buying a carton so I turned to my cousin to ask if I should give her a discount and was told no. He later explained that she knew how much her cigarettes should cost and how much change she should get and if she didn't get the right change she got very upset. It didn't matter that you were giving her more - it just wasn't right. I don't know what would happen with a price rise!

There was another woman who came in with a stick. She was bending the cards and knocking other things with her stick. I was about to say something when I was warned off. Apparently she would have hit me with the stick if I upset her.

And yet another woman would come in every month and buy all of the Mills and Boon titles and be on her way until the next release. She was very well dressed and well spoken. I don't know how she could have possibly coped with all that trashy romance.

We also had a customer we called Zaphod. He looked a lot like the guy in the TV series except he only had one head. One day one of the other girls in the shop showed me one of the mags and there he was. He was a celebrity photographer who had been photographed as a celeb himself.

Nothing to compare with some of the posts in this thread. I guess I've been lucky.

Y

Those stories are good enough, though - just shows that the buying public is none too bright anywhere in the world.

"do you have to go out and find a 'man in a pub?"

Only if he can sell it to you for £50....

My university library had fines.

I took out a book and misplaced it. They sent me a bill for a ridiculous amount to replace the book and threatened to suspend my academic standing until it was paid. Fortunately, for me, they didn't do this until after I had paid for the term, so it was a bit of an empty threat. However, I paid the fine and carried on.

Of course, I promptly found the book.

However, a little while later I noticed that the library was offering amnesty for people with overdue books.

I showed up with the missing book and said "I found this book which I paid the replacement fine on."

Librarian: "Great! We can put it back in the system if you'll just give it to me."

Me: "So you'll refund my fine?"

L: "No."

Me: "Why not?"

L: "Because you've already paid it."

Me: "But there's an amnesty on."

L: "But it doesn't apply to this."

Me: "Oh."

Me: "Well, which would you prefer to do? Replace the book which is out of print, or get this book back and refund my fine?"

L: "We'd rather have the book back, of course."

Me: "Excellent. I'd like to have my money back."

L: "But it's overdue."

Me: "There's an amnesty on overdue fees, right?"

L: "Hm."

The librarian fusses with the computer for a minute.

L: "Ok, I've credited your account with the amount of the replacement fee."

Me: "Great! Here's the book back."

As I walked away, I noticed the librarian shaking their head like they'd just been taken by a con artist.

Seen from their pov, they might have

I had a bloke in the shop yesterday who wanted me to take a dollar off the price of a cd because the case was busted. Now, I have to add here that if this was my shop, then it would be WYSIWYG - you're buying a used product, so don't expect it to be in mint condition.

Any road up, I tell him that I'm not going to do that because the used jewel cases we sell are only 45 cents, not $1. Ok he says, take 45 cents off the price of the cd and I'll take the busted case off your hands.



Oh, you're doing me some kind of favour by gipping the store out of 45 cents and making out that you're doing us a favour?

Sometimes I wish I hadn't signed that piece of paper promising to be nice to the customers

I don't work in retail, I work for the municpal Parks Dept .but my oldest daughter works part time for Wal Mart in Cusoner Service. The other day, she had a person who came in with a CD player which had malfuntioned. There were 5 CDs stuck in the machine and the owner wanted a new machine but wanted his CDS out of the player. ( most understandable) She called someone from the entertainment dept. who looked at it and proceeded to smash the machine, After retrieving the CDS, he stated ""Have a nice day"

This is not quite about retail, but what they hey!

A couple of months ago, I got rid of my FIDO cellphone because I had to keep it plugged in all the time (which doesn't exactly make it "wireless") or find myself cut off, I could only use it in major cities and within 8 km or so of major cities, and trying to call their 1-800 # was impossible.

They told me to wait for my next bill to pay off what was owing after the rebated me for unused service. I did, and it came to somewhere around $5. I paid it to the penny. The next month I get a bill for 49¢..... I thought "I am not going to pay 49¢!" so ignored it. Today, I get a bill from them. They have cleared my bill of 48¢ as "uncollectible" ...... and asked me to pay 1¢ saying "This account is now overdue"......

Since I just bought a car this week I know it hasn't affected my credit-rating but I feel like sending a cheque for 1¢, and a bill for the postage and my bank fee!

I would just love to see the doo-doo hit the fan if they send it to a collection agency!

I've had a sismilar experience with a phone company. When I had just had my daughter I was bullied in a shopping centre into joining one of those dial 4 digits to use our service instead of your own. I joined but never used it. They rang several months later to see if my service worked as they had not registered any calls. They asked me to ring me back using their prefix. I did and then they sent me a bill for that call. I think it was around 20 cents. It would have cost them more to post me the bill!

I once closed out a bank account, then kept getting billed for 11 cents. I ignored the bills for several months, until they finally did send a letter threatening to take me to a collection agency. Tried to call them, could never get a human being on the line. So, I mailed them 11 pennies, and a scathing letter about lack of common sense and customer service.

I also made sure to get the stamps wrong on the envelope. It arrived at the bank with 11 cents postage due! At least I assume it arrived, as I received no more letters.

I liked the part about the postage. And good thing you didn't end up getting kneecapped for 11 cents

My company was the customer.... but we hadn't paid a bill from a supplier basically because we didn't get one.
A badly addressed bill (name and address wrong) eventually came through to us. We phoned the supplier to say we had just received the bill but we couldn't pay it since it had the wrong NAME on it. Naturally, we also gave them the proper address and some contact 'phone numbers in case of further difficulty.
Bill came, right address, right name.... different services, different amount + penalty for late payment....
Again we 'phoned and they explained that "this" bill was in fact a duplicate of a former bill (already paid) with the right name and address. They were getting a little upset about not being paid so we AGAIN explained that, like all large companies, we had a formalised payment procedure and we needed a proper bill, right name, right address, right services, right amount, right order no. references (and no penalties !).
A few days later our favourite supplier 'phoned again... they STILL hadn't been paid. Well, we STILL hadn't got the bill. They suggested faxing.
"Well, yes ok, that will help us to start dealing with the paperwork needed for international payments BUT REMEMBER we can't actually initiate payment until we have an original document....."
"So when can we expect the money"
"About 5 working days after receipt of the bill...."
"Well, we've just faxed it to you so that means Friday...."
Yet again, we explained our payment procedure and the need for original documents (to a company who had been occasionally providing services to us for 5 YEARS !!).
And so it went on and on.
We resisted the temptation to fax them some dollars ! (and even eventually paid them).

Just before my second year of college started, I went and got a certified cheque made out to the college for my school fees. I arrived on the day for signing up for courses, and discovered that I was a day early and the cheque was made out for $5 too much. Since the college couldn't refund me the $5 (I don't know why... sounded fishy even then) they couldn't accept the cheque.

Having a full day before it was due, I went to my bank and explained that I needed this cheque returned and another made out for the correct amount.

"Unfortunately, we can't do anything for you, as there is a hold put on your account." was the teller's response.

"Yes, I am aware of that. However, the hold is for this cheque. The college won't accept it."

"I am sorry, until the cheque passes, we cannot access your account. There is a hold on your account."

"That is ridiculous. Are you telling me that if the college NEVER cahes my cheque... If it became lost or was destroyed, I could not access my account?"

"We can't do anything until the cheque is cashed. There is a hold put on your account."

"Yes... but they WILL NOT ACCEPT this cheque!"

"Sorry, I can't do anything. There is a hold put on your account." By now she was getting frustrated that for some reason, I couldn't understand that there was a hold on the account.....

I asked to see the manager. "Well, the manager won't be able to help you... There is a hold put on your account."

"Just let me bleeding well speak to the manager!"

The manager comes over and I explain... "Certified cheque... college won't accept... hold put on the account... need xheque cancelled and a new one made out...."

"Of course... no problem... Oh dear... I am afraid that there has been a hold put on your account....."

"YES, FOR THIS CHEQUE... THE CHEQUE WILL NEVER BE CASHED! NEVER... THEY WON"T ACCEPT IT!"

"Well, when there is a hold put on the account, until the cheque is cashed, you can't touch your account. When they cash the cheque, we would be happy to take this cheque back....".

At this point I lost it, burst into tears and said "THEY WILL NOT TAKE THE CHEQUE! I HAVE TO PAY MY SCHOOL FEES... ALL MY SAVINGS ARE IN THIS ACCOUNT... WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!!!!!!"

Suddenly... because I was in tears.... there was a complete turn around.... Suddenly it was "No problem... we can take the cheque back... we can cancel the hold... Here we are..." bing, bing, bing... I had a cheque in my hand in less than 2 minutes.

I was so angry.. I said that if it wasn't that I had to have the account in this bank because that was where the company I worked for deposited my money (that was the days before direct-deposit) I would cancel my account. If something was "no problem" after one was driven to tears.... it should have been "no problem" to begin with!

I had a similar problem with another bank when my company changed banks.... they would put a hold on my account where I had $400 for a weekly cheque I got from my parents. I finally got so angry that I said I was going to go over to my other bank where I had $0 in my account and cash my cheque. Then I was going to come back and close my account.

The teller looked at me smuggly and said that NO bank cashes cheques without putting a hold on the account... She wiped the smug look off when I came back 15 minutes later with the receipt and closed my account.

By the way... if you are plagued by unsolicited mailings for credit cards, finance companies, book of the month clubs, etc. I have the perfect method of stopping them.

I was getting come-ons from American Express (I once took them up on applying for the card and they turned me down but continued sending me come-ons!), for another credit card company, and a myriad of other companies.

I collected all my junk-mail (of which I had a LOT) for several months. When I got one of the come-ons with a pre-paid envelope, I stuff it as full as possible with all of all my junk mail. I add a letter telling them that until they take me off their mailing list, I will continue sending them my junk-mail.... and THANK YOU FOR RECYCLING!"

It took 2 mailings to American Express and 3 to the other card company. I now have almost no junk mail!

Several years ago I worked for a retail chain (hint: it begins with a K and ends with Mart) I rotated between customer service and just running a cash register. Once this lady came in with a basket full of laundry and a detergent box. When I asked how I could help her, she replied, "I want a refund for this laundry detergent." Like I was trained to do, I asked what was wrong with the product, to which she said it didn't clean her clothes. I guess the puzzled look on my face inflamed her a bit, as she shoved a ratty t-shirt in my face and said "does this smell clean to you?" I gave her the money back, and washed my face several times on my lunch break.

Another gentleman used to come into the store regularly, and he hated Martha Stewart, therefore he hated the Martha Stewart products offered in the store. Everytime I was him he would ask "why haven't you fired that Martha woman yet?"

People get something into their heads and nothing you say can shake their conviction that it is true.

You would hear people say "Well, of course, Chapters is an American company...". You could tell them all the facts about how the only American involvement was a very small (very, very small) number of shares owned by Barnes and Noble, about how the "owners" were a Canadian pension plan group, the president, CEO, and all the top people were Canadian... etc., etc., and they would say "Reeeaaally...." as though you were plainly lying through your teeth.

i do a similar junk mail recycling thing. i wait for a prepaid envelope and send the pizza/kebab/chicken leaflets i get shoved through my letterbox. i figure if whoever opens the post is ever in north london they might want a pizza/kebab/chicken delivery service.

xx