h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I often get to read police reports. there is a way of writing which always becomes a temporary PH.

"The offender has walked up the alcohol isle where she has put a bottle of vodka into her bag. Then she has left the store without paying".

Every time the word "has" appears, it is unneccessary and makes the sentence appear to be in some weird tense.

PP

The alcohol isle ... sounds great ... where do we catch the ferry from?

Isn't that the same as footballer speak ... "And then Giggsy's crossed the ball to me, I've hit it with the side of me foot, the keeper's flapped at it, and it's gone in the back of the net" ...

It's not that weird a tense, the present perfect.

I have seen it used a lot.
I have used it myself.
46% of long-haired men have visited Dundee.

But yeah. I wouldn't use it in the cases you have mentioned, personally.

<>

I often get to read the lists of charges given on court paperwork in my job... sometimes they are short and to the point, most of the time though they are overly verbose and grammatically confusing. I can't work out how they managed to fill out "stole car, crashed it into another car" into over 150 words this morning. I wish I was joking.

The alcohol isle is the Isle of Islay......


Has more distilleries per land area than anywhere else!!!!


GT

I think you want Useless Facts, GT.

GT

(They started it!!!)

I read police papers for my job too. Normally when taking a statement, the officer sort of 'translates' what the witness has said into police-speak where necessary. I saw one the other day where they had left 'It was proper nauseating' in.

How come when they present the weather they are always right when its going to rain but not when its supposed to be sunny

You need to come and live in my area ... they've been predicting heavy rain here since last Friday. We did have an overnight shower before dawn on Tuesday but otherwise almost nothing. I've given up looking at weather reports ... actually I'm pretty sure I had a thread about this around this time last year ...

Also my friend who knows about meteorological things says that the only 'guaranteed' forecasts are when there's no cloud i.e. clear skies. Once there's a bit of cloud involved it can go in any direction so you might get rain, you might get sun, you might get cloud ...

PH????

After tonight, Channel 4....


Its Big Brother Time again!!!!!!!!!



GT

You might have clinched it with that one , time to revisit those old Dvds I think

It gets worse, Big Brother or *endless* bloody football. Summer telly is always rubbish but this year even more so

There is extensive building work going on outside my office and the low pitched rumble and accompanying vibration is beginning to drive me insane. Actually, this is a not so petty hate! Every once in a while it stops and I feel my whole body relax....

Refuse collectors leaving my neighbour's bins across MY driveway ...

Adverts for washing powder that don't seem to know the difference between dirt and stains. We see a bit of gravy drop onto a tablecloth and suddenly it's 'aaaarrgh, stain!!!!!!!' No, gravy. Wash it and it's still there then ok, stain. Till then, pigging gravy!

0n two occasions recently after attending a restaurant I have somehow got gravy on my white T-shirt and after feeble attempts to remove it have had to try disguising the offending marks. I’m I to resign myself to either wearing a bib whilst eating, take fresh T shirts to change into after the meal , into the kitchen of said restaurant and accuse the chief of supply excessively runny gravy or just not go out at all

If you go to *proper* restaurants, they'll have good sized napkins to tie around your neck.

Since kipper ties went out of fashion, a bib works for me.

Pfffft. A beard solves all these problems with the added advantage that food morsels are still tasty days later.

Rod, napkins to tie around your neck - that means a restaurant of the "this meal will last hours and you´ll enjoy every minute" sort.
If there´s any of that kind still open in your town, and affordable - book me a flight.