h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

WHOA! you wanna cut of your... NO STOP!
cheers
ford

...

You pathetic creatures cant even come up with a good insult! I hope you dont consider yourselves representative of the rest of the human race!

As for you, Leo, you never made it all the way up the evolutionary ladder... Human race, no, but at least you metabolize oxygen.

But then again, so does athlete's foot.

i think leo is just a smart monkey, nowonder he isnt a part of the human race!
cheers
ford
ag age eeee g aga!

better a smart monkey than a dumb @$$.

That's a Monkey? no, babboon. Can't miss that huge ....

oooh!

Tiger cant see around her own nose!

Wow, it's really swollen...YOu must be really moldy, to affect my allergies (of which I have none). Aaaaaaaaah. no smell. Where HAVE you been, leo?

dont touch him! he doesnt even know where he was!
cheers
ford

Oh, I know, just down to south street seaport, a quik dunk in the acidic...melt your hair and face polluted water, a quik run through erskine street and the largest land fill within a very big distance...conveniently located nearby in staten island.

and you would know this how....?
cheers
ford

just rolled up my windows to drive by...

At last a thread for the more psychotic among us

Yeah, better lock all your doors and windows at night.


The smell might get out.

That particular smell can't be held in captivity. It melts its way through plastic seals and rubber gaskets, to lurch and ooze its way down alleyways and suck the life out of unsuspecting felines. If he would only wash his socks every once in a while...

Those are socks? They look like mold. Green and white fuzzy mold. Free penicillin.

"Insulting Haiku"
(I asked myself, what does a Zen master do when he's dissed? - Grig Larsen, Punadyne Labs 2000)

Your head is a void
A space of blank nothingness
A vacuum with ears.

Why do you exist?
Your presence lacks all substance
Wasting oxygen.

I never liked you
You are a pain in the neck
Without a purpose.

You, without purpose
As useless as damp paper
Rebel without clues.

You suck so badly
A false vacuum created
Yet, you also blow.

If I cared enough
I would hate your stinking guts
But you're meaningless.

Oh, please go away!
I would not care if you died
I would be at peace.

Hey, are you still here?
You just don't get it, do you?
Begone, foul cretin!

You will not go away
You are too stupid to care
I can see that now.

Wonderful haiku
it's sad you are too lazy
to make up your own.