h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Coolio, that the ticket....

I've already tried auctioning mine off. But I think it's a little too out there for anyone to want, just a little too weird for most people. Then again, it's a little to weird for me!!!!

(bump)

OUCH! That'll bruise you know

I did my bloody knee in again, bending down to search for a can of spinach. I blame Popeye; meanwhile i am weeping quietly into soluble paracetomol.

The cat dragged the curtains down, which means i am exposed to the world. I wave brightly 'cos i have a supposedly thick skin. I've stuck the two i can reach up with gaffer tape. A large able bodied man who supposedly loves me was here today & said "get up on that chair & sort it!"....now; how do i take that?

A) he is trying to help me be as independent as possible...

A1) Why? For my own benefit or 'cos he is lazy toad or 'cos he would prefer to deny i have problems?

B) He genuinely has no clue how difficult certain things are.

B2) 'Cos he is dim, unobservant, my fault for not actually telling him?

C) What do i actually do? Try & get up on the cahir & possibly fall off, damaging the bloody knee even more? Throw in massive amounts of resentment for him not helping me out/coupled with grudging possibility of respect for him pushing me not to be helpless.

C2) Stand there in a state of total emotional flummox; if i burst into tears, i confirm helpless status; if i scream in fury, i am loopy; if i storm off; i am obviously exaggerating; if i do sod all i am possibly a moron...or don't actually care about the curtains anyway.

You can't win. The fact is, you have to accept that possibly sometimes the "helper" may get it right, most often they won't & if you lash out at them; it makes it less likely they try to help someone else;

I was outside my house pottering with my plants yesterday. (Sitting on a stool) & a large minibus came up the street; there's a hospice opposite, this is a minibus adapted for disabled. It blared its horn; i looked & there was a guy in wheelchair ahead of it; no bloody way was he gonna move faster than he could push himself. I got to him & asked (in terrible french) "Shall i push?" he didn't reply, what the hell; i did anyway, the damn bus had to wait, me pushing didn't exactly break his speed limit, but gave his arms a rest. Entrance into hospice is bloody impossible for wheelchair plus pusher with dodgy legs, probably difficult for able bodied; totally impossible for him on his own. Bus behind us, tooting horn; disabled transport bus.*add profanity filter*

We did it. But why add humiliation to the burdens? Why assume all "handicapped/disabled" people have skin like rhino hide? Why wonder if we tend to be a bit more abrasive than others?
He got there, he said "thanks"; i don't want or need more than that; but the reality is probably i did the pushing simply 'cos i recognise the problems; most "able bodied" people would simply gawp. The number of times i have staggered, sweating, in immense pain, up the hill with heavy bags & wished someone, anyone, would offer to help....it takes bravery to offer, you may get rejected but more often, you would get welcomed & occasionally you might make a new friend.

Just because we can't run, doesn't mean we don't want to. It might be away from you or toward you. Pride doesn't die with nerve endings.

zdt

Terri,
the adapted van driver was bloody disgraceful for tooting at man in a wheelchair, at worst he should have been more patient at best he should have got out and helped!
It did remind me of a funny incident yesterday as I was cycling, I heard cars tooting and saw a Jack Russel dog sitting quite happily in middle of road ignoring tooting cars.
.
I borrow a really usful "grab" for picking up rubbish in garden to avoid my occasional back probs, it is about a metre long and great for picking low things and closing curtains, etc. When I wss off for 2 weeks I really could have done with it to feed the cat!
.
I have mentioned before that he should help you more, encouraging independance is good, but judgement is needed to know the right time, when someone is in pain is NOT the right time. Sorry to be honest but he needs a slap with a smelly kipper or a bad back for 2 weeks to understand!

>>cos he would prefer to deny i have problems?<<

Got in one kidda A lot of partners tend to do that, because admitting the other one has a problem (which they know damned well is going to threaten their security in some way) is WAY too difficult for them to deal with. So it gets thrown back at *you to deal with instead!

He's getting you to make it "nice" for him again.

Its the sort of thing immature teenagers/insecure or insensitive people do. My younger son tends to still, because he hasn't grown up yet. Grousing about a disability is acceptable. The "carer" is complaining about your restrictions in a constructive way. Denying or bullying you into doing stuff that hurts like hell or is beyond your physical capabilities is a form of bullying inadequates specialise in.

And you know what?

You arn't obligated to explain or justify anything to them. And Nor do you have to feel guilty, awkward or defensive about it either

(Easier said than done)

Its all down to acceptance - of oneself; in both cases I think.

Example: I stayed with a hootooer last week, for the meet. Obviously they knew I was a bit on the crook side, but not all the boring details, as such. I was too proud to ask them to tie up my boots when we set off out(didn't feel it was their job) so I stooped and did it myself as I would do with any comparitive stranger. Pride is a self defeating thing, but yep - Pride is usually the last thing to die, I can relate to that.

Unfortunately, I got absolutely stuck when it came to standing back up. (It always seems to happen when you least expect it) Sometimes I can stand, sometimes I can't. It all depends on what there is to hang onto, really.

Yes, I was embarrassed to have to ask for them to help hoist me up - but they were absolutely fine about it. No fuss, no dramas and because of that behaviour I felt less defensive and insecure about it myself. Constructive kindness works; bludgeoning and bullying and an outpouring of "Its your fault" doesn't do anyone any good whatsoever.

Which is what my son is s-l-o-w-l-y discovering - and it's more difficult for him to learn it than it is for me

Pah! And they call the physically crook ones disabled!

Please don't tar all 'able bodied people' with the same brush

I think HooTooers are especially wise to problems. Pride is a good thing, and a motivator, but like many things , too much of it comes before a fall!



Websailor

Twas a metaphorical "they" Websailor, not an all inclusive sweeping statement...honest

But I'll be honest, and say that unless one has actually "Been there, and got the T shirt" either by being disabled, or being a good carer *for a physically disabled person then the best any disabled person can expect is a high level of empathy and understanding from the more able bodied, *generally speaking* Its a bit like the Masons in an odd sort of way. Its a society that isn't secret, but not everyone knows all the wrinkles.

I think its that aspect that can be the most frustrating to deal with.
For everyone, really



Hootooers are natually enough the best of the bunch - we're all individually cool enough to freeze a side of beef by ourselves.

And speaking for myself, I'm *definately hip(py) enough to have intense difficulty in seeing over my own pelvis Ho hum, back to the yoga, I guess

I think its what I like best about being part of an on line community. There really is a freedom of equality "here" that is rare (but thankfully still existent) Beyond The Screen.

Of course there is a big differance between being an able bodied and disabled person sometimes....about a second in a road accident.

How very true. Or falling off a horse. Or being caught up in a bombing. Or...or...or.... certainly not that any of us would wish any degree of disability upon anyone.

This rings true!:

<<>>

Yes indeedy.Flimsy sofa legs = disaster! The damn bloody boot syndrome too; honestly, by the time i have struggled with socks & boots; i am exhausted before i even make it to the door. But how the hell can you explain all this, "they" just look at you as if you are barmy; the number of times i have had "oh, come on, let's go, allez, vite!"; the total incomprehension that i can't just damn well allez vite, much as i might like to. Oddly enough, he *does* have experience of much worse than this, had serious road accident & broke pelvis, fractured skull; almost shattered spinal vertebrae. He was in a coma then paralysed for 6 months, then another year of learning to walk again.

That was a long time ago; now, 30 years on, the old "war wounds" are getting their own back; i would lay bets he is in pain himself sometimes but too damn proud to admit it.

He keeps saying "aww, but i don't ever think of you as handicapped" Grr. Cop out clause. Does he really think the French government would say i am 79% "incapacité" otherwise? I'm not that good an actress!

Anyway, eventually he climbed up on the chair & stuck the damn thing up temporarily; sorting it properly will just have to wait, as will the filthy bits on the floor & the bathroom tiles & a hell of a lot more. As for tins on bottom shelves my pet peeve is supermarkets always of course put the budget ranges on the damn lowest shelf deliberately. But what peeves me beyond belief is in the library, they pile up the biggest books (in the tiny English section) on the floor, there is no way on earth i can find out what they are short of deliberately bringing the entire pile crashing to the ground. One of these days i am going in there with my hated crutch & doing mayhem. But of course then i won't be able to do any shopping: hands up who has tried carrying 2 heavy bags uphill whilst using a stick? If you had two, other than a rucksack (with helper to get it on of course) you may as well just give up.

Ah well. Knee is a lot better today & there won't be big shopping trips since it's "end of the month" so ain't no cash to spend!

Here's a fun trick you can all try at home; no matter if you can't move too much. All you need is a distinctly stupid, co-operative & an old sweater.

Ignore pleas to invade your lap until it is on the verge of heartbreak, then allow it to cling to your front, purring loudly & looking utterly pathetic.

Raise to vertical position, ensure claws are sunk firmly into wool (but not skin)Grab ears & use as handlebars of Harley Davidson, adding sound effects of your choice. Cornering is a challenge & may involve tail manouvers. Wide open eyes are obviously headlights. So long as purring note continues, it is safe to play this game indefininitely. Also works with & ferrets.(not at the same time)

Who says we have limited mobility huh?

zdt

Thanks for that Evadne. It isn't possible to understand, only to empathise, I agree. It is doubly difficult if nothing is obvious - after all pain is mostly invisible to all but the sufferer. There are many conditions where the sufferer appears to have no problems whatsover. My husband has lung problems and I have had to contend with some pretty biting comments about him(behind his back) before he was of pensionable age. Not working? Drawing benefits? Surely he could find a job etc. The fact that we had never claimed or received a penny made me angry for him. Just thoughtless comments but hurtful just the same.

I have huge admiration for everyone who has difficulties (and I am not being patronising!). I know I would be impossible to live with, but I am stubborn so perhaps I would surprise myself.

I think the humour you all show is hilarious, even if it is black humour. I often think that is the best kind and sometimes it is the only way to deal with things.

Just wanted to say I think you are all wonderful.

Websailor

I think you're right, too Websailor - it's sometimes the "invisible" ailments that are the most difficult to understand, for outsiders. I can certainly realte to the scathing comments made to you about your husband - you're right; they *do hurt, and it becomes boring to constantly repeat the same old mantra - it may not show, but it *does exist.

I may not *appear in pain (I'm too damned proud unless its an appauling day when I do have to drop the defenses) but even a "good" day involves a lot of morphine and gritted teeth to get me thru it. I can't imagine any more what life was like before...although I do remember there was a lot more activity involved. I used to work an acre of land, once. And I used to be a scene shifter at the local theatre, as well as occasionally performing. Actually, its small wonder my back died, when I think of all the stuff I *used to do

Plus, I also have fibromyalgia, which, whilst its a pig of a thing to have has one decent side effect - you look younger than you chronologically are, for some obscure reasen. And most of the time (albeit a tad tired looking) appaulingly healthy. I have to be dead (or at least coming round from anesthetic) before I appear remotely pale and interesting.

So no sympathy for me

So its a bit of a 2 edged perk, as such On the whole, I'd sooner look like a bag of spanners and be able to move, than to appear 10 years younger than I am and not be able to!


I reckon we're pretty wonderful, too, btw. Infact, I'd go so far as to say, we're fantastic sometimes

No one would ever believe the stuff we have to deal with - and yet, on the whole, we do; and pretty well, too. Life's full of quiet heroism I guess

Indeed. The next idiot who tells me i look great ("for my age, though of course, i am not Claudia Schiffer") gets the entire bag of spanners hurled at them "Yo! the legs may be dodgy but the arms sure as hell took over!"

Bleeaagh. Let them try it.

zdt

Where do I get a bag of spanners. *thinks* - there's a boxful in the shed!!

I sometimes think I could cope with any problem provided it doesn't involve pain, so you see I am a coward. I had 40 years of agonising pain monthly, which no-one seemed inclined to do anything about, and of course no-one talked about either. One month ran in to the next and I reckon I Iived on painkillers.

The menopause has been a joy beyond compare, but I wish I had found the guts to kick up years ago with doctors (men) who didn't give a stuff about such things. Why should they it didn't affect them? I could have probably had something done about it, and was told they would think about it at a later date. They never did!

I love the humour on here but your various problems put my *twinges* of arthritis in perspective.

I can empathise with getting down on the floor and not being able to get up again without a block and tackle. Why does everyone else find it so funny? My other half has breathing problems which means he is limited in what he can do, but shows not a grain of empathy, sympathy(call it what you will). In fact I think he enjoys seeing me suffer too.

He seems to forget if I keel over we are both in the ordure.

Gotta go get a jam pan out of a bottom cupboard to make some jam, assuming I can get up again


Websailor

>>it's sometimes the "invisible" ailments that are the most difficult to understand<<

Sadly, alot of my ailments are invisible. Where does that leave me? Totally misunderstood, methinks

"Well, you seem fine to me"



*string of curses* *throws teddy on floor in huff*

Ah... the joys of being fertile, eh, Wbsailor? I was lucky - I didn't get the crippling pains (or..well.. if I did, I just put them down to feeling a bit crokk!) but I kicked up loudly when my periods ran into each other to the extent I could mark the days when I was "off" on the calender, rather than was "on"

Strangley, the Men GPs were a lot more sympathetic than the lady ones I went to see, but then, if I wasn't a regular at my GPs surgury and had developed a thick hide and a burning conviction I *would not* be made to feel guilty I had a problem, I'd have probably put up with it. Mentioning sex (lack of...and its not fair etc) loudly got their attention, and I either guilted them or embarrassed them into getting something done!

A pity you cannent get prescribed lovers on the NHS, for afterwards, but then, whats the betting they'd be like the glasses - they'll do at a pinch, but not something you'd want permanently


I ended up having a uterine abellation earlier on this year, (vulgarly referred to in the house as mum's Boiling the Bag Op") It took a while to recover - I swear to god they left half a bag of cutlery inside, but so far, touch wood, I have joined the ranks of post menopausals and I'm damned glad to be here.

Like the ad says...every little helps

If you manage to get upright with that jam pan missis, save a pot for me, willya?

Hi, Ev,

Mine caused near blackouts, migraine and rolling on the floor pain for about seven days at a time.

Love your posts they really make me laugh. I think I kissed goodbye to lovers and got to be a nurse, housemaid, head cook and bottle washer instead!! Haven't got round to a toy boy yet . Not sure I have the energy anyway.

Managed to haul myself up off the floor having practically climbed in the cupboard looking for preserving pans which have not been used for yonks.

Produced six and a half jars of Hallowe'en Ginger jam which his lordship has sampled already and pronounced 'ace'. He is taking a jar in to share with his fellow volunteers where he works. Ah, the poor man, he is only happy when I am in the kitchen producing good old fashioned 'grub'!! to the kitchen sink more like!

We haven't a smiley for jam so here's some ginger, marrow and apple. I'll save a pot for you, but you will have to come and fetch it!!! It's hot stuff too!!

Got to go and make his bed. I stripped it and forgot to remake it moments are a .


Websailor

Did anyone see a guy with "invisible" ailments pass by a couple of postings ago

Waves to Jack

Jack, didn't mean to ignore you. Have you managed to pick up the teddy yet?

I feel awful now 'cus not only are your ailments apparently invisible but seemingly your posts are too. Too absorbed with wimmins stuff that's the trouble.

See you later - if you are not in too much of a huff to show up, well actually! Have you got any more teddies to chuck out. If not here's a to be going on with.


Websailor